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Having recently experienced the shittiest, break up ever, I thought I may share some thoughts with those in a similar situation to consider seriously before doing the dreaded deed.

Breaking up is never easy. Someone will always feel slighted. But its part of life and we all accept that.
 
It is the actions following the break up that is important and will define whether the couple will remain friends or become hated enemies. And this is all about the RESPECT or the INDIFFERENCE you - The DUMPER - shows your ex-partner - THE DUMPEE -  and the relationship you once had.

The one ending the relationship should recognise their soon to be ex-partner will feel hurt and their heart will be bruised or broken for the time they invested in the relationship or at best will have their pride dented or feel both emotions.

In my particular case, we had been together 9 year and exclusive for about 8 years. Most here who knew us as a couple knew our status and were respectful of it.

The one being dumped will need to have closure.  They NEED this to move on.  So let them have it and be aware, it may take 1, 2, 3 or even more chats. It is the price of being the Dumper, so just be patient, accept that the words directed at you are from the hurt caused.
The closure is about the Dumpee not the person ending it. The Dumper already have their closure and have come to terms with it.

The Dumpee needs questions answered to understand the WHY, the WHEN, and the little things important to them and if there is anything to salvage.
The answers are important so that the Dumpee can finally accept what has happened, will understand it all and can make the decision on what happens next. Some will likely remain a friend, even if distant if respect is shown. Others may decide to make a clean break.
 
If this closure is denied, you will prolong the hurt and the hope that the relationship can be resurrected.
It is cruel and places the Dumpee in purgatory especially if silence ensues and no answers or explanations are given to help understand it is finished and why.
This is where the need to strike back will fester from the frustrations of not being heard and having their say. Other ways to find closure will inevitably be sought.

The Dumpee may even search elsewhere for the answers they need.
It can be really cruel and hurtful when doors they thought were open are actually slammed indifferently in their face too. 
These people who find themselves on the peripheries should remember its not about you, its about finding closure from the unkind partner.
And your actions can actually aggravate the hurt and mental well being of the person searching for answers. SO BE KIND.

Part of the closure will no doubt require an apology from from the Dumper.



Those 3 steps are really important.
My initial apology when he was caught red-handed was not genuine because the repeat behaviour continued.
That really poured salt into a gaping wound and says:  "I dont give a fuck for your feelings!"
We can apologize for our mistakes over and over, but if our actions do not change, the words become meaningless.

There should be a 4th part to the apology – Don’t give out false hope of repairing a relationship if there is none. To keep someone hanging on is both cruel and disrespectful. Tell it plain and clear, there is no hope. The relationship cannot be established again - It is dead in the water.
Be fair, firm, honest and respectful. But most of all Be Kind.

I was kept hanging and it is not nice.

And to the DUMPER remember - the door for reconciliation is only open for a specific time to make up, either as lovers or friends. Then it is firmly shut because if You prolong the pain and purgatory too long, immunity & “Fuck you” kicks in.

Silence speaks volumes.  Do not believe it is the best way to deal with the situation!

Please carry out the closure option first.

When the partner chooses Silence instead of  facing their (ex)partner and allowing closure, they are showing their cowardice, that they are hiding from their responsibilities to end the relationship properly and with respect and hiding from the consequences of their actions.

That is the worst disrespect you can show to your dumped partner and all you once shared in your relationship.

It also says  YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY TIME.

Then add that to the  mix of  "I'm sorry for cheating but I'll continue to fuck her anyway so you can see it ... I have time for that but not to talk to you"  scenario....

You are disrespecting your ex in the worst possible way and showing that actually your priorities are fucked up.
Closure first before moving on with the new!

Otherwise revenge begins to kick in.

In my case Revenge sex was quite magnificent and will repeat as and whenever. After all the cheating couple set the rules here.
Where I may have  rules with other players and will show respect to their relationships, the gloves are off concerning one particular player.
"I was just horny, I didnt think of you!"  are the words burned into my memory.
Obviously, she knew we were an exclusive couple, so it would have been nice and honorable to send the guy away till he was free to room her.
But she does not play that way... ever! Past behaviour has proved it.
He though has no excuse and is fully at fault. He has no respect, honour,  lies drip off his tongue, and he is a coward. 
"Love you are welcome to him."

I mentioned I had just experienced the shittiest break up ever.  Why? 
Because mine had everything mixed in there -  cheating, whopping lies, repeat behaviour, avoidance, and worst of all the silence. 

Well today is exactly 31 days after last contact, that's a whole month  for him to reach out, give closure and salvage some kind of friendship or not as the case may be.

But he hasn't, even though he knew the avenues were open to him and I gave him space.

So time for me to make my own closure, to end this purgatory and as the above poster says

I MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR HOW I CHOOSE TO REPAIR WHAT YOU BROKE...    This is for me.

The Silence is now mine.  By Stone.

Hello from the outside, it is so desolate.
Embers of dying love with a need to berate.
At least I can say that I’ve tried and tried,
To tell you, 9 years is worth saving, in my heart.
But it doesn’t matter, it clearly is not worth your time!
Silence is your answer, all wrapped up in betrayal’s slime.

Smiling. Remembering. We had a good time… didn’t we? _ _ _ _
The Achat Bar & Grill served a great steak, meal and tea.
Doris and Stanley would float and tinkle the bells,
As their ghosts swept through with little signs and tells.
But it doesn’t matter, it clearly is not worth your time!
Silence is your answer, all wrapped in betrayal’s slime.

Hyperion Homestead was filled with love and lust.
Built with loving care, Mr Mouse eating the leftover crust.
Racoons – playful, funny, scuffling around at night,
Thieving and raiding our bins in the moonlight.
But it don’t matter, it clearly is not worth your time!
Silence is your answer, wrapped in betrayal’s slime.

Crystal Lake – serene and tranquil, our boat trip must,
Laughter and tickles, bound in friendship and trust.
The Dwarfs and Gnomes would sneak about, mischievous and fun
Whether it was in the moonlight or blazing sun.
But it don’t matter, it clearly is not worth your time!
Silence is your answer, wrapped up in betrayal’s slime.

Real life’s up and downs, I was always there for you!
But Covid struck… and things needed a new perspective and view
And in MY time of need, YOU gave up. Wanted something new
But you didn’t tell me! Even though I gave you the cue!
Instead you chose lies and deceit. 
Weighing us down in a mass of concrete!
But I don’t matter, I’m clearly not worth your time!
Silence is your answer, wrapped in betrayal’s slime.

You chose another over me. That hurts as hurts can be!
And I found out myself… instead of you… explaining it all to me!
And when I caught you red-handed, how thoughtful – out of respect for us you said
You did not use the cabin, it was all locked up dead.
Not to be used again!
Please! Please do not refrain and think of me now!
The damage was done when you fucked the silly cow!

And as for that lady! – well what more can be said.
She bites off the hands of friends to see how well they’ve bled.
She only plays it well my Dear…. even denies the friends Dear…
Achat is a sex game – it’s fucking crystal clear!
Except if that is so…
Why hide from the exclusive, loving spouses?
Tell them straight,” I’m dropping my pants and trousers!”

Does she think she is the original Jolene?
Nah! She’s just sad, pathetic and very mean
She just gets her sexual kicks from those that are forbidden?
With respect for others gone, dead and forever hidden!
She says she avoids clashes and doesn’t like the drama!
Innocent? No! Her actions cause devastating trauma!

Oh yes, I almost forget, out of respect for me…
She keeps the target there, in her Friends list… see!
So it shows there’s No change to a secret spouse or secret lover
That could hurt or annoy me and hide you undercover
How thoughtful of her now to give me such spousal thought and respect!
When really!
She should have thought of that when, sneakily… to our marital bed, she crept!

Memories of a time, treasured and forever in my heart,
But Silence has a way of demeaning it and is never smart.
Best to face the consequences of your actions… a coward no more!
Talk things over to smooth what is raw and sore
But it don’t matter, it seems not worth your time!
Silence is your answer, wrapped up in betrayal’s slime.

Once we were so close no matter how far, forever trusting who we are.
Which is why the silence is shocking and not who I thought was us.
Layers of truth, peeled back.
So many it seems, to fill a sack.
Now with un-tinted Rose glasses, it’s all so clear to see.
You threw me away with NO THOUGHT of what was happening to ME!
No birthday message, Christmas gift or token for our anniversary!
Yet you gifted the Floosey! And then told me…
Was this to make sure you would be set free?
Could you have possibly been,
More nasty and mean?
It doesn’t matter, I’m not worth a dime… or your time!
Silence is your answer, wrapped up in betrayal’s slime.

So take it on the chin! YOU should have found time!
Another way to find a closure…
Is to scream out in frustration and full exposure!
You should have talked, to show respect, to me… to you… to us,
Instead of being an evading, pathetic, little Wuss!
The Silence has just made me stronger, receiving the message loud and clear
Let’s get deleted!
Fetch the dishcloth and wipe away the smear…
Of each and every year!

Hello from the outside. It’s not so desolate
Embers of a dead love with nothing left to rate.
At least I can say that I HAVE TRIED.
9 years was worth saving once, was in my heart.
But it don’t matter now, it’s not worth MY time
Silence is NOW MINE. Claimed back, wrapped with an indifferent prime.

My Stallions wild, free and a breath of fresh air,
Have shown me, I’m not broken, boring or not worth a care.
They have indeed boosted me in my time of need and lockdown.
A Gemstone that’s brilliant. Sparkles! Dressed in new heels and gown.

There is always a space for someone,
Not a stallion but just as wild and free!
Magnificent and scary, well… at least to me
Grinning,” I don’t hide and will invite… anytime… blatantly”

Then in your moments of quiet solitude,
Sipping your coffee in an interlude
The Soaring Eagle framed - a reminder of my love
Looking down from your wall above.
Are you deep in thought of us and of what once was?
And while you stare in to space and sit,
Tell me, was she really worth all of it?

Well… With my blessing, be happy. Reap what you sow.
Look around as I applaud and please take a bow.
Be it in public, cabin, bar, boat or new abode… Go!
Enjoy this awesome sex game, as I cheer you yellow!
But don’t you dare talk of me or us from that shared pillow!

Sex is fun, an emotion in motion! Go forth shag-ing-ly!
Toast your muse, your fuck toy and slutty Its_ _ _ _ _ _!
And remember… HOW GOOD I AM… at dancing and Fantasy!
Hot and Sexy and sensuous! You will … regretfully agree!