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Lover
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Re: Funny Finds

« #2325 : January 30, 2015, 10:57:52 AM »

AusWoody
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Re: Funny Finds

« #2326 : January 30, 2015, 01:04:59 PM »

1. Arse, arsehole – n., variants of ass and asshole. Can also be used to mean bothered (“Can’t be arsed”) or acting the fool (“Stop arsing about!”). Mild.

2. Bastard – n., illegitimate child or mongrel; objectionable fellow, probably one who has won one over on you; unpleasant situation (“I’m having a bastard of a morning!”. See also: git, rotter, swine.

3. Bell, bellend – n., head of a penis; fool. (Only write as “bell end” if referring to the end of an actual bell.) Medium strength. See also: dickhead, knobend.

4. Berk – n., idiot. Very mild, yet apparently originated as rhyming slang for “Berkeley hunt”.

5. Bint – n., derogatory synonym for woman. Avoid, on the whole.

6. Blimey, blimey O’Reilly, cor blimey, gorblimey – n., expression of astonishment. Thought to derive from the phrase “God blind me!” Terribly mild. See also: crikey.

7. Blighter – n., person or thing to be regarded with contempt/envy. See also cad, rotter, swine. Mild.

8. Bloody – adv., intensifier, popularly used in the phrase “Bloody hell!” Very common, medium strength.

9. Blooming – adj., basically a very mild, somewhat archaic form of “bloody”. Use with abandon.

10. Bollocks – n., testicles. Used to mean rubbish or nonsense, as in the exclamation of disbelief “Bollocks!” and the album title Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols; in phrases such as “the dog’s bollocks” to mean something definitive and perfect; and, in the related word bollocking, a dressing-down (“I gave the useless fool a bollocking”). Medium strength, and very common.

11. Bugger – n., sodomite (i.e. someone who practises buggery); jerk; silly fool. As a verb, can mean to sodomise; to ruin (“You’ve buggered that up!”); or to tire. Also used as an exclamation of annoyance (“bugger!”); as a milder variant of “fuck” in the phrases “bugger off” and “bugger all”; and, in the phrase, “playing silly buggers”, to act the fool. Medium strength. Also very popular in Australia.

12. Cad – n., untrustable person to be regarded with contempt/envy. See also blighter, rotter, swine. Mild.

13. Cack – n., shit. Also: Cack-handed – adj, clumsy, inept. A cack-handed execution will often lead to a cock-up. Mild. Use merrily.

14. Chav – n., working-class person with an urban sporty style. Very patronising. Avoid.

15. Cobblers – n., nonsense. Very mild.

16. Cock-up – n., snafu. As a verb, means to screw up drastically. Mild.

17. Codger – n., an old man, often grumpy. Mild.

18. Crikey – n., expression of astonishment. Synonym for Christ.

19. Cunt – n., vagina; an unpleasant or stupid person. Strong, but much less offensive than in the US. Can be used as an adjective in the related word cuntish. Use with care, unless writing a piece based on East End gangsterisms.

20. Dickhead – n., a stupid, irritating person, usually a man. Moderate strength. See also: knob, knobhead, knobber.

21. Duffer – n., elderly idiot. Mild.

22. Feck – milder Irish variant of fuck that caught on in the UK thanks to the ’90s sitcom Father Ted.

23. Git – n., someone who has just beaten you at pool, stolen your spouse, bought the last pasty in the shop, got the job you wanted, or in some other way won one over on you. Mild.

24. Gordon Bennett – n., variant on “Gorblimey!” and the profane outburst “Jesus Christ!” Derives from the Victorian publisher and playboy James Gordon Bennett Jr. Mild.

25. Gormless – adj., dim. Mild.

26. Knob, knobend, knobhead, knobber – n., a stupid, irritating person, usually a man. “Knob” is a synonym for penis. Mild.

27. Manky – adj., worthless, disgusting. Mild.

28. Minger – n., a very unattractive person or thing. Mild.

29. Minging – adj., foul, disgusting, worthless. Mild.

30. Munter – n., unattractive woman. Avoid.

31. Naff – adj., tasteless, crap. Mild.

32. Numpty – n., Scottish idiot. Mild.

33. Nutter – n., crazy person. A synonym for the US “nut”. Avoid.

34. Pillock – n., idiot. Mild.

35. Pish – n., Scottish piss.

36. Pissed off – angry, synonym for the US “pissed”. Medium strength.

37. Plonker – n., annoying idiot. Immortalised in the ’80s BBC sitcom Only Fools and Horses. Mild.

38. Poxy – adj., riddled with pox; crappy, third-rate. Mild.

39. Prat – n., idiot. Mild.

40. Rotter – n., person to be regarded with contempt/envy. See also blighter, rotter, swine. Mild, unless of course preceded by a strong intensifier, as in Steve Jones’ line: “What a fucking rotter.”

41. Scrubber – n., promiscuous woman. Avoid.

42. Shite – n., variant of shit. Moderate. Used in a bewildering variety of constructions, including gobshite, shitehawk, and Steve Coogan’s Paul Calf catchphrase, “bag o’ shite”.

43. Swine – noun, person to be regarded with contempt/envy. See also blighter, cad, rotter, swine. Mild.

44. Taking the piss/Mick/Michael – taking liberties, making fun of. Mild.

45. Tosser – n. masturbator; despicable person. A milder synonym for wanker.

46. Tuss – n, Cornish idiot. Synonym for either penis or “someone from St Just”, depending who you ask.

47. Twat – n., vagina; rotter. Milder synonym for cunt. Can also be used as a verb to mean hit (“Watch me while I twat him”) or inebriated (“I was twatted”). Use with care.

48. Wally – n., fool. Possibly short for Walter. Terribly mild.

49. Wanker – n., masturbator; despicable person. As a verb, can also mean very inebriated (“I was absolutely wankered”). Strong. See also: tosser.

Should all that become too bewildering, simply watch large-lunged Yorkshireman Brian Blessed run through the lexicon of British swearwords in 46 seconds and never be confused again (possibly):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?x-yt-ts=1422579428&v=lBhPDxszukU&x-yt-cl=85114404

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Stone
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Re: Funny Finds

« #2327 : January 30, 2015, 01:52:09 PM »

LOL Easy, looks like you have been reading up so you know when an English Bint insults. Jayc knows them well.

Pleb and Scutter are good words too.

Definition of Pleb in English:
NOUN
informal , derogatory
An ordinary person, especially one from the lower social classes.

a Scutter (if you're from England) is someone who doesn't wash, has no job but sits on their stale arsee watching trisher/kilroy all morning. They usually sport an huge collection of gold jewellery (purchased from Argos) and call their children- babby as apposed to baby.

LOL.

Momma_andrea
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Re: Funny Finds

« #2328 : January 31, 2015, 12:23:17 PM »

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AusWoody
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Never push a loyal person to the breaking point

Re: Funny Finds

« #2329 : January 31, 2015, 02:46:56 PM »

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck"..

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1. Greetings: "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud: "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation: "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble: "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression: "FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust: "Fuck me."
7. Confusion: "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair: "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure: "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure: "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost: "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief: "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation: "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial: "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity: "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy: "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings: "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion: "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic: "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions: "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief: "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?" It can be maternal- "Motherfucker." It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?"
Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?"
General Custer

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
"Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
John F. Kennedy