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Sorry to hear you don't like that tag...
The wonderful thing about vanilla... is that it goes so well with many flavors...
Add strawberries to the vanilla... and you have a very hot combination...

mmmm  sprinkling of chocolate ... maybe a chocolate flake .. mmm  its starting to look better ... 

I read  "Story of O"   Years ago now ...  So  a question for the Dungeon ....  If  Subs  or some subs get trained in a  house or school if you will,  Who trains the  Doms ..?  Do they all train together? Do the Doms have a Mentor too...?  Just wondering ... Seems to be a lot of power ... If there's a bad egg .. Like the idiot previously mentioned .... Think he needs retraining and realigned ... lol

That’s actually a very good question.  In my case, when I first sought out a Dominant, I was under the impression that I was naturally submissive.  I joined a local BDSM club and found a wonderful Domme who agreed to Dominate me.  She and another Dom in our club that was occasionally in our scenes together noticed right off that there might be some problems with me being her submissive.  I did everything I could to change my behavior to please her.  She did decide to collar me, but one day when I brought my collar box to her and knelt at her feet, she didn’t open it.  Instead she said “time out” and asked that we go to her kitchen table to talk. 

We talked for a long time about what I had gotten from serving her, and whether or not my needs were really being fulfilled.  She is very good at getting people to tell her things they might not want to talk about.  I told her that I still felt like I needed something else.  I wanted to be more in control of the situation.  She gave me back my collar box and asked if I had some time on an upcoming evening.  I told her I did.  And she told me she wanted me to try switching roles, just to see if I liked it.  That the other Dom I mentioned before, and another sub from our club (whom I also knew) were going to play at her house on an upcoming evening and she had been asked to join and that other Dominants would be joining.  This kind of scenario is played out a lot in our club.  It usually involves the sub being put on display, show how well they can follow commands, possibly be tormented to some degree, and/or humiliated before a group of other Dominants and their subs.  It’s a chance for the Dominant to show off how well they have trained their sub.  And for the subs watching, to have something to aspire to.

I joined them and was amazed.  I had been to this kind of scene before as a sub, but to be part of it as a Dominant, even though I only sat in attendance made me really feel like I had really found what I wanted to be.  All because my Domme was attentive enough to see that I wasn’t happy.  She has been my mentor ever since.  She has given me guidance and helped me pick the best reading material on the subject.  But I am still a switch because I still like being a sub from time to time.  I still have the collar my Domme helped me pick out.  And we still play together.  Being a switch above all else, at least in my opinion, gives me a unique perspective over those who have never been in a submissive role.

This kind of mentoring is not unique among those in BDSM clubs.  Where you see the difference is when you find people whose view of BDSM has been shaped by pornography and the media, and they don’t really know what it is to be a Dominant.  They don’t understand that the two parties are equals and that the power exchange is a consensual agreement between them.  That the sub, not the Dominant, is responsible for deciding where the limits of play are.  And there are no exceptions to these limits.  Period.  Stop still means STOP.  Even if a “safe word” is used in its place.

I was lucky that I decided to be part of a group rather than happening upon a misinformed Dominant who may have hurt me, not just physically, but mentally as well. 

Ok, here goes...I am VERY new at the whole dom/sub thing. Recently the man I have been with showed an interest in femdom.  I have decided to become his Mistress, but am not really sure where to start. We have dabbled a bit in tease/deny and that seems to work wonderfully, but there has to be more. I will not be cruel or humiliating and since this is completely done online, I cannot whip (which I really wouldn't do anyway except lightly). I am not  into the whole foot fetish thing and I guess I am just your plain ole vanilla dom. I would love to hear some suggestions for tasks or assignments as you will and we are both open to new ideas as long as they are not too extreme.

I could really use some help as far as learning how to be a good dom goes. Anyone out there willing to take on this challenge?

Oh yeah, forgot to ask...and this may be a really dumb question, but I am way too new at this. Is the dom/sub relationship about love or control?

A good question...

As Christy stated the perception of a D/s relationship is badly misreprented in most porn.  In the VR the tenencies are to order folks around servicing imaginery meals... demanding  the servents  to act proper...or controling the action of the play in the room. In terms of online play I will point out that it RARELY approaches the level of a RL experience. 

If neither of you have played this... start reading a bit... explore some web sites
http://www.submissiveloving.com/index.html
http://www.bdsm-institute.com/index.html
lol... there are many many out there google away and poke around for ideas.

But, first and foremost.... communicate.... at the VERY least idntify what you two are wanting to achieve in this.

If you want to really undersatnd...keep a journal for a couple of weeks,.. and wirte in it what you think a Dom/Domme is,... what a Submissive is... what goals and wants, your fantasies of it... you need to identify to yourself the identity you are assuming. Likewise your submissive should too. They should share that with you, take time to discuss the matter... so you really understand what your partner actually is wanting from this.

A D/s relationship is a power shift... and can run vanilla to the extremes... it is all dependent on what you and your partner agree to. Loving D/s relationships can occur... here again.. the question is the parameters of what each party wants. By no means is a whip or mental harassment required.

PS It's good to hear someone admit they are new and are clueless... most try to fake it... and the reality is 99%  of those claiming to be Dom's aren't, at best they might be Tops... sexually controlling

Christie, Thanks ever so for taking the time out to explain for me ....  guess I owe you another Whiskey

Welcome Little Sprout - Its good to see you here  - Hope you check out other topics on here too and put your ideas and views across.  And you're not dumb just inquisitive ...  and nothing wrong with that ... well I hope not .... or I could be dumber lol  ( Groaning ... sometimes I dont half leave myself open lol )   Laters ... Have fun girl   

Pondering ... Vanilla Domme .... mmm  think thats a higher cast than a Vanilla Strawberry & Chocolate ...

Looking at some of the equipment again, as I wonder through the dungeon..  turning my head to the side on some things, thinking which part of the body fits where .. I continue my journey going in deeper...

Arhhh,  there it is ... The Dom Hall ... I carry the large flat portrait sized package, wrapped in brown paper with a red bow on the corner,  and place it carefully on the floor as I turn the black wrought iron knob to open the heavy dark oak doors ... 

I see an ideal place ... a long trestle table or alter at the front of the vast hall.  My footsteps echo earliy as I pick up the package & position  it , pride of place, upright, supported by large candle sticks ... 

Standing back, looking at the brown paper still covering it & pretty bow ...  mmm ... very prominent and cant be missed...  perfect.

I slip away again ... feeling the sun on my face as I hit street...

Walking past the entrance to the dungeon, sees BB blinking in he sunshine as she peers up & down the street, duck back into a doorway and hope she hasn't spotted me...
That was some smirk on her face!
Give it 2 minutes then open the door & call to check if there's anyone here. There isn't so I'll  have a wander around.. What has that girl been doing in here.. This is not her kind of place at all. The thought of Brandy fastened over a spanking bench, What Bear would give for that!
Then  I see it.  A portrait sized parcel stood up on the "table of doom" and it has a pretty bow on it.
I am intrigued.... You know, with he goings on at the Bar & Grill, I bet I know what this is. I giggle to myself and leave it standing there where no-one will miss it.
There's no label, so  who is to open it? Not me, that's for sure, I can get into trouble easily enough, II think I'll go find Miss Christy.

Sitting on my sofa re-reading “The Loving Dominant”  I am suddenly interrupted by blue.  She looks so flustered, and eager to tell me something.  So I continue reading for a moment and finish the page I am on.  Finally I look up and see that blue has gotten on her knees and is in her request position.

“Miss Christy,” she begins, “There is something I must show you.”

“Really?  What could that be?”  I respond.

“It will be easier if I show you.”  She replies.  “But it is something you must see.”

 A little annoyed I join my pet and begin to walk to the door with her.  Now what in the world does she have to show me, I wonder.

Sigh.....

I've just been re-reading Janine's & Sinn's posts on the role of a sub and I feel like slightly altering the Tammy Wynette C & W song......

Sometimes......

But then we have to learn and appreciate our place don't we. Wouldn't have my Mistress any other way. xxxxxxxxxx ))

Some thoughts I had on training as I re-read this.

First is that a great deal of instruction whether it be for Dominants or submissives is done more often in a one on one sort of format. The reason for that is more practical then anything as those first steps are often very nerve-wracking, and done easier with only one other person present, but there is  also the simple truth that there can be a great many concerns that make a large house like in The Story of O impractical. (The sad truth is that a great many locations have laws that make consenting BDSM illegal despite that consent,)

Secondly is that the training is only the beginning. While to this day I have always felt my initial instruction was excellent even as it was happening it was my growth as I had those experiences that helped make me into the Domme I am today. christinak's sharing of her discovery of her nature as a switch is an excellent example.

Perhaps a good way to think of training is like when you learn to walk, or ride a bike. Most of the time you'll have someone there to encourage you on, and catch you if you stumble, but ultimately you are the one who gets moving, and keeps moving.

Thirdly is that you will have those elitist types who feel that the way they were trained is the only "real" way someone should be trained. They can be safely ignored, or maybe even directed to someone who holds the opposing viewpoint so you can watch them rip each other apart. 

Thank you Janine.

I agree about the learning, as into ride a bike or swim etc... and I do need (as I thought most subs would) someone there to encourage me and mold me, not just bully or dominate me, into the person I want/hope to become.
I have both read and watched the story of O and whilst it is very erotic, it is further removed from real life than AChat and I would not wish to undergo such a..... I'm sorry but my command of the English language lets me down here and i haven't a thesaurus handy.. an ordeal? an experience? I can't put into words what I feel
I think people like Miss Christy and the people she learned from are exceptional and gifted.
xx




[sub]thank you for letting me share[/sub]

That get's tot he heart of perhaps the one thing I would hope everyone could take from this thread... that the reality is going to be far different from any fantasy the person held.