AChat Forum
Discussions about sex => Everything about sex and love => Topic started by: West69 on April 06, 2012, 05:22:37 PM
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Out of curiosity do any of you follow any self-imposed etiquette when you cancel a "friend", or "lover"? I don't mean the obvious, i.e when someone has done something rude or uncaring and they clearly have damaged the relationship. No, I mean out the blue with no warning.
For example, I occasionally get the message, "X partner has cancelled your friendship". Usually it is from someone I haven't heard from for a while, and I have no idea why they cancelled. The problem is that they have sent no message ahead of time so I don't know if it's something I said or did. My response is to always message back and say something like, "I am disappointed you cancelled our friendship. Was it something I said, or other circumstances".
Most of the time the person is surprised that I even wrote back to ask. Here are the last two explanations:
1. "I was just going through and deleting a lot of people to clean up my list."
2. "I have taken a new lover, and he demanded that I get rid of all my friends".
On the first one i just shook my head in amusement. On the second I wrote back expressing hope that my former friend would not be hurt eventually by anyone so controlling.
I am sharing the above because I am interested if other people get "cancelled" without any preceding explanatory or courtesy message. In you do, how do you handle it, and am I stupid to even try to politely respond?
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i had some canceling me like this and i never anwser if its a name i dont remember . Recently one of my spouses have canceled , and when i asked her why , she anwsered that she wasnt responsible ;D
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Yeah, at some point I guess we all get cancelled or need to clear house. Sometimes I get an explanation, sometimes I dont. Guess I am as guilty as most, sometimes I give an explanation, sometimes I dont - depending how long its been since we chatted, how deep our friendship is, and how many I clear out. I'm not offended by it as I presume they have moved on and I guess I presume they know this too if I cancel- guess it depends on your definition of friend.
If the relationship is resumed then - the friendship option is always there again.
I have quite a few friends in the main frame anyway - that are not in any of my lists.
It is very nice of you to respond though, but I think you may be in the minority. Dont take it personal - its just folks keeping their lists current.
There's loads more friends to make too :)
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Hiya's...
I have yet to cancel anyone. Maybe at some point I will, and if I ever do, I think I would send a message with an explaination first. I have been cancelled out of other's without a word of why, and when I was really new at this I thought that maybe it was because of something I had done, and it bothered me. So I asked for an explaination. Got one saying that it was because his friends list was too full and that I was always busy or not on at the same times. Then I thought. "Geezo beezo... some friend. Guess I am unworthy to remain with the others, thanks for doing me a favor."
So please, if you ever decide to cancel me out of your friends list because I am deemed unworthy to be there just let me know. It's the right thing to do.
Thanks for letting me share,
Pafe
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I have it recently, probably cause we don't had meet for to much long time, probably cause we have different time, it can happend. I don't had ask why, al last she wasn't someone so important
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Don't think I've cancelled anyone myself yet, I have been cancelled though, but I haven't bothered asking them since I guess they have their reasons. There's quite a difference in views of what a friend is in AChat, for me it's simple a friend while for many others a friend is so much more, someone you can expect a lot from and such.
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Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and your reactions to them. All the points expressed make sense to me intellectually, although emotionally, I probably fall closer to Pafe's sentiments.
Adera raised the interesting point about how each person defines "friend" differently. I won't try to list all the attributes of what "friend" means to me. However, I do expect "friends" to be courteous, which includes giving me some advanced warning out of courtesy, before they kick me to the curb......even in a fantasy game. ;)........but then again, perhaps that's just me. ::)
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Usually I don't see any reason to cancel a friendship. Up to now I just had 2 reasons: If the girl became a whore and demanded money or if she didn't answer my welcomes again and again.
I also don't ask, if someone cancelled the relationship. He/she might have had a reason. I also would ask, if it would happen after some nice meetings and I would really be surprised.
West, when I made the "experineces" to be cancelled as friend/lover, I also felt strange. In RL, I am very careful with the word "friend". I have lots of acquaintances (right term?) but just few real friends. So yes, when a "friend" cancels relationship without having a heavy brawl before, you don't feel comfortable. We just have to know, friendship here is not the same as friendship in RL - it can happen, but usually you don't be as close.
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Hello dear peoples.
I may humbly see just two reasons for canceling a friendship myself.
First is to erase a mistake, I experiment "Cold"friendship, and ... maybe because I act too quick or too stupid ...
I may and accept instead of decline the "cold" request. So I may delete this ... false ... relation.
Second may be to flee a relation that became different than the relation that, at fist, initiate the friendship relation.
I guess ... well ... after warm, tender and interesting contacts some just transform into Predators with harsh ... rude habbits.
This make me unconfortable not because of the rudes way, but because it is an ... I don't know the word, like "treason", but less dramatical ... Sorry.
of the link we hade made.
Anyway ... "Friendship" relation type is not,for me, like true "friendship". It is just a way to stay in touch easely with peoples whith whom I experiment a nice shared moment.So, maybe, later, may I delete relations with peoples I, didn't met or exchange talkings with for long...
But I am not, actually old user enough to have "too many friends" to handle with ...
Anyway, Is cancelling one, I may tell him or her, why did I.
Because it is also an another opportunity to re invent the friendship link, that may be harder this time...
This is only my point of view ...
I Thank those who hade read me.
My best humbly Regards
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Hello dear peoples.
I may humbly see just two reasons for canceling a friendship myself.
First is to erase a mistake, I experiment "Cold"friendship, and ... maybe because I act too quick or too stupid ...
I may and accept instead of decline the "cold" request. So I may delete this ... false ... relation.
Second may be to flee a relation that became different than the relation that, at fist, initiate the friendship relation.
I guess ... well ... after warm, tender and interesting contacts some just transform into Predators with harsh ... rude habbits.
This make me unconfortable not because of the rudes way, but because it is an ... I don't know the word, like "treason", but less dramatical ... Sorry.
of the link we hade made.
Anyway ... "Friendship" relation type is not,for me, like true "friendship". It is just a way to stay in touch easely with peoples whith whom I experiment a nice shared moment.So, maybe, later, may I delete relations with peoples I, didn't met or exchange talkings with for long...
But I am not, actually old user enough to have "too many friends" to handle with ...
Anyway, Is cancelling one, I may tell him or her, why did I.
Because it is also an another opportunity to re invent the friendship link, that may be harder this time...
This is only my point of view ...
I Thank those who hade read me.
My best humbly Regards
With great respect I offer the word you may be looking for as "betrayal" as a substitute for "treason". I would also offer you some encouragement and praise that your command of English is 100% better than my ability would be to speak in your language.
Thank you for sharing your opinions. They are valued. :)
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Evelyne, every experience and every opinion are allways wellcome.
as i said you before in another thread, how long you are here isn't important, it's all on what you can give to the forum and achat, thanks to your personal experience and your idea (those last are allways wellcome!).
personally, here i don't had deleted someone from friend, lover or spouse, only one but cause i hit accept friendship on the request for an error: someone who never talk whit me, who i never meet before, a "cold" friendship request.
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With great respect I offer the word you may be looking for as "betrayal" as a substitute for "treason".
Ooooh My !!! I am so stupid !!! ... sorry, that is exactly the word I seeked for ... "Betrayal" ... Thank you very much Sir !!!
Mister Hentaïboy 69, In fact I meant by "I am not, actually old user enough to have "too many friends" to handle with ..." only that I had actually accepted very few peoples as Friends ... So I will not manage to delete relation for overbooked adress book ... sorry I made you misunderstood my words ...
I think with time to go I will accept more and more friends, so one day ... maybe it will happen to me to have to ... clean ... my adress book.
I understood very well that you pay no importance for how long we are here ... But still Mister ... I can't consider myself equal to those you are really deeply involved into the forum's life, as I am a newby, as I think my opinion is ... welcomed yes ... but not as important as yours or other's people's voice. I know you don't agree that ... But still ... Sorry.
I really hope that some of my ideas will feed the forum so it may grow.
But mostly I hope we may, all together, fuel each others our ideas, and discussions for the better benefits of our favorite Dreamworld... For so ... And even my brick on the wall is tiny, I may enjoy participate this forum a lot.
I thank you having reading me .
Please accept my best humbly regards.
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I understood very well that you pay no importance for how long we are here ... But still Mister ... I can't consider myself equal to those you are really deeply involved into the forum's life, as I am a newby, as I think my opinion is ... welcomed yes ... but not as important as yours or other's people's voice. I know you don't agree that ... But still ... Sorry.
oh, i see you know me really well and i think i can talk for all the "elder" users: some newby pop out whit some interessing idea and some wonderfull solution to some problem we talk for long time! look at Fate.....she join here in the forum recently (before you, anyway, Evelyne) but she had found a really appreciated solution for the chat! and i'll hope more come from "young child" as you! never be afraid to share your opinion and your idea, they are wellcome even if not all of us can like them!
never forget who you are and what you want!
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@ HB: I agree
@ Evelyn: I can't consider myself equal to those you are really deeply involved into the forum's life, as I am a newby, as I think my opinion is ... welcomed yes ... but not as important as yours or other's people's voice. I know you don't agree that ... But still ... Sorry.
Yo're right, we don't agree. You do not have experience here in forum, but that's not important. The only thing that counts is to have an opinion, ideas and the wish to improve the game. If there is a poll, your voice is as worth as every other one.
If you have any suggestions, questions, wishes, dream to share... you have the same rights as every other one.
And now... back to topic :D
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... Hello ...
Well ... I may be very happy if any of my idea will improve the Forum and the Dreamworld.
I will may discuss about my ideas this way.
To be back in the topic, I humbly agree that deleting relationship may be done with some concerns for the other one.
I mean, even if for any reason I decide to delete a relationship , I may do it with explainations .
Please accept my best humbly regards.
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In my opinion it is a matter of courtecy wether you send an explanation or not. I have myself cancelled without explanation, mostly at the beginning. But I have changed my ways and give an explanantion.
I think most people cancel because the 'relationship' isn't current anymore. The lack of contact and maybe finding other friends that fill that gap, relinquish the need for that friendship. People go their own paths.
In this game, where people come, stay a while and then move on, it is hard enough to stay in touch, so I don't really mind if people cancel without a reason. Those are usually the ones I had the least intense contact with. With anyone closer, I'd be surprised to be cancelled without an explanation.
For Evelyn: though it may seem difficult to have an influence on the forum's general thoughts, every opinion is respected. As Lover and HB explained, it doesn't matter whether youare new or a long-time member, if you have a thought or idea about the game, share..
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This is a tricky thread on one side I would say cancelling a relationship is rude without saying why on the other side this is just a game and I dont know anyone of them for real. So do I have to explain myself to someone who wasnt online for three or more month.
I have to clean my list in the next days because there are a lot of people in there which are red everytime I am online.
I will write them and will explain it but I think we shouldnt juge to hard if someone doesnt write you why.
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For Evelyn: though it may seem difficult to have an influence on the forum's general thoughts, every opinion is respected. As Lover and HB explained, it doesn't matter whether youare new or a long-time member, if you have a thought or idea about the game, share..
Hello Sir TightFit64
I really understand well that having an influence over forum's thoughts or habits of forum's peoples may be a desesperate task... hopefully I may say Sir. Because I think that the differents ways of thinking of many different peoples just ... make the richness of the community !
With all paying the same points of wiew, or going into any leader's way to think ... It will become soon boring ... and funless ...
I may say too, that having different points of wiew may not lead to unrespect of the other's thinkings ... but That's only My point of view too and I may even respect people that don't need to show respects of others ... I know .. I may be a little stupid ... but Still that's the way I am.
I May say generaly that by expressing my view on differents topics , I have no ... not even the idea ... of influencing anyone .
I just express my opinion, and that opinion only refer to me . I feel really not clever enough to think that my thinking or opinion is better thaan other one's.
I also think that our opinions upon differents subjects was done upon our education, experiences, talkings ... well ... life.
I feel so impossible to juge anyone's opinion.
Well Sir and Misters . I also account and please the fact that you pay no care about my ( or other ) newbyness on the forum .
I really thank you, and think that this is a great way, and a reflect of your proper cleverness .
But Still, I found myself ... newby ... that meen for me that I just arrive, and don't know much about the DreamWorld and communauty.
That way I feel under, Ifor knowledge and skills, the peoples that runs the forum since long ... I mean You.
Please accept my apologies if you feel unconfortable with this.
I may said too that the respect I may show for relation cancellation is not the only one I may show.
I think it is the same respect that I try to show when refusing "going in room" for some reasons , or even decline frienship of unknow peoples.
The only thing that may not make me talk some explanation are "cold"things ( cold invite, cold friendship demand ... )
Please accept my best humbly regards.
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Evelyn, dear.......
you are pretty kind girl, but maybe (sorry if it can be a bit rude) your personall life experience have make you to much servant. I like your ways of exposing your tough, respectfully and in a simple way, really......but maybe you have to try to be a little more proud of your idea, you are one of us, different, but a real person whit your own feeling.
I'm glad to have you here, like i'm glad for everyone else! :D
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Evelyn, hentaiboy hit the nail right on the head with the hammer. someone may not like or appreciate another's posts, but that doesn't detract from the value of the post or the person posting. you are every bit as important as anyone here. i started a topic on this months ago but can't find it! lol. if anyone sees it, send me a link (inside joke..sorry).
when i first started, i sent TONS of cold invites for friends AND lovers. not knowing how the game worked, i thought having more people on your list would make you more popular and you would have a better chance to get laid. i wound up with 8-10 pages each of lovers and friends, 99% of whom i had never even talked to. upon learning the game, and getting a few good friends, i realized i had to get rid of the clutter. i started out sending messages, but after 10 or 15, i decided they had accepted with no message, so they could leave the same way. mass deletions occured.
now i don't add anyone i haven't at least chatted with a bit (except for the occasional interesting oddball), and anyone i delete definitely gets a message. many if not all on my lists are in different timezones and i don't expect a constant stream of messages. i won't drop any of them for other than gross misconduct. I have 3 or 4 on my list from the first month that i have gotten to know and treasure. also my first "roomy" on achat. messages aren't necesssary, but they are polite. manners are important in the virtual world and the real world. without them, you won't have friends in either. my 2 cents (us) worth
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Coming back after about 6 months (being in a relationship which ended :( ) finding my friendships mostly gone is not a big shock. I understand that the idea that friendships are maintained by constant/consistent interraction. While i told most of them that i would be not on the fact they disabled the friendship is not a massive surprise at all.
Under those circumstances you really dont need it explained why some people would cancel the relationship but if in the normal scheme of things they cancel and dont tell you its from my perspective a little rude.
The thing to remember is like already said in previous posts the idea of an achat online friendship maybe different from say a friendship you have with someone face to face.
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@kitten: *hugs* I hope you're holding up.
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I try to keep my friends list as current as possible. Usually only friend someone that I've interacted with at some point. If I have lost contact with that person and have no reason why they are MIA. I'll usually wait before cancelling but not necessarily msg before cancel. If they are friends I've really gotten to know well. Will msg them to look for me once they come back or let them know what times I can be found here in hopes it's just a schedule mismatch (Timezone differences can suck). Hopefully they will come back.
Lovers I keep to the more intense/compatible partners I've had sessions with and are not as easily canceled. We can't all be online on a regular basis for what ever reason that may be or even available to our lovers at all times. (Spouse would be used for that). A lover is a keeper and unless you've totally moved on from the virtual world of Achat, and I see no hope on your return or you have told me you're not coming back... you'll remain listed on my profile. I even have friends I regard in this way.
Bottom line if we're good for each other, you'll remain and not easily cancelled...
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@kitten: *hugs* I hope you're holding up.
-cuddles- I am :) its better without him anyway
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Good to hear you are ok :) Enjoy your "new" life
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Happy to see you back Kitten *smiles warmly*
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Hi kitten, good to see you here and see another active person in the forums. I'm fairly knew here but already pretty well hooked coming here. Look forward to reading your posts and possibly chat sometime..
Take care..
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It's a good idea for me to cancel some of my old friends that I haven't seen for over a year. lol
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Like Chas said earlier in this thread ,i too when i was new friended any and all, and ended up with pages of people i really didnt know. the "kid in a candy store" phase. and then like most people began to settle down and look for quality over quantity. this lead to a spring cleaning of my friends and lovers list. did i send msgs to all i deleted?....no.. should i have? ..........looking back... yes. i think it comes down to treating people how you would be want to be treated. now i consider all requests before saying yes or no and have a nice group of friends. the only ones i deny with out expalnation is the "cold relationship requests" i get from total strangers.and maybe thats a little harsh, considering these come from new users for the most part.
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I'm not sure about posting on this, but here goes...
I have quite a few friends. I never went mad desperately friending anyone. I still make new friends and I hope everyone does.
I have made some friends on the same day I have first spoken to them, others only after meeting several times.
I have never deleted a friend and every time I log on I check them all out to see if they are on-line. If they are I message them, if they aren't and we haven't spoken for a long time, I message them to ask how they are and hope we see each other soon.
I have been deleted from 2 people's friend's lists, one was a good friend who is likely to read this and we both underestand how that came about. the other was someone who is now on my ignore list as he was trying to possess me 100% of the time, but he deleted me, not the other way around.
I too get many "cold" friend requests, but delete them all. I couldn't accept as a friend someone I didn't know even a little in much the same way as I don't respond to cold "room requests" except that sometrimes I will talk to them and tell them not to "cold" people.
I would be deeply hurt if someone deleted me from their friend list and would (did) message them immediately to ask why.
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I'm not sure about posting on this, but here goes...
I have quite a few friends. I never went mad desperately friending anyone. I still make new friends and I hope everyone does.
I have made some friends on the same day I have first spoken to them, others only after meeting several times.
I have never deleted a friend and every time I log on I check them all out to see if they are on-line. If they are I message them, if they aren't and we haven't spoken for a long time, I message them to ask how they are and hope we see each other soon.
I have been deleted from 2 people's friend's lists, one was a good friend who is likely to read this and we both underestand how that came about. the other was someone who is now on my ignore list as he was trying to possess me 100% of the time, but he deleted me, not the other way around.
I too get many "cold" friend requests, but delete them all. I couldn't accept as a friend someone I didn't know even a little in much the same way as I don't respond to cold "room requests" except that sometrimes I will talk to them and tell them not to "cold" people.
I would be deeply hurt if someone deleted me from their friend list and would (did) message them immediately to ask why.
I have not been on the forum for some time due to vacation, etc. Therefore, let me thank everyone who has responded to my question. Your different styles and skills have helped me "fine-tune" a balance of resolve and diplomacy for what is a difficult issue for me. Hopefully. I can now be more constructive in my response without abandoning my core values. My personal approach remains close to the feelings described by Blue Denim. :)
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I'm not sure about posting on this, but here goes...
I have quite a few friends. I never went mad desperately friending anyone. I still make new friends and I hope everyone does.
I have made some friends on the same day I have first spoken to them, others only after meeting several times.
I have never deleted a friend and every time I log on I check them all out to see if they are on-line. If they are I message them, if they aren't and we haven't spoken for a long time, I message them to ask how they are and hope we see each other soon.
I have been deleted from 2 people's friend's lists, one was a good friend who is likely to read this and we both underestand how that came about. the other was someone who is now on my ignore list as he was trying to possess me 100% of the time, but he deleted me, not the other way around.
I too get many "cold" friend requests, but delete them all. I couldn't accept as a friend someone I didn't know even a little in much the same way as I don't respond to cold "room requests" except that sometrimes I will talk to them and tell them not to "cold" people.
I would be deeply hurt if someone deleted me from their friend list and would (did) message them immediately to ask why.
Blue, If it's me you're talking about as far as cancelling you, which I'm sure it is, I'm still deeply sorry about that, & I probably will be for a very long time. Like I've told you when we spoke, that was driven by something & someone else. I'd never ever ever want to hurt you in any way. I want to be the one that you turn to when you need someone :). I just want to reach out right now & give you a huge hug sweety :).
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Stephanie,
It wasn't!
Now you've made me want to cry too, Stephanie, you're too sweet!
I would love a big HUG!
xx
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No one has to cry... share a big hug... and smile...
Again AChat has made two people bit more happy.... I hope.