AChat Forum
Discussions about sex => Fantasies and Fetishes => Topic started by: Janine Dee on July 05, 2010, 01:40:14 PM
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While I had this idea earlier it was Lover's suggestion to have a SM party here (since AChat doesn't have that programming yet) that finally made me decide to get going on the idea.
This is a place for what I will call "serious" BDSM. While I will not tell you what serious is exactly I will say if you want to figure out what serious is then you are in the right place.
Because one of the deeper truths of BDSM is that individuals define what it means. There will always been those who say it should be "this" or it should be "that" but they are the same types who declare bisexuals are just confused. Or that lesbian's are supposed to have short hair and not wear make up.
This thread if for people to explore what it means for them. All I ask is that we follow the acronym R.A.C.K. Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
Normally that means things like learning about carpal tunnel before deciding how to bind a wrist or learning someone is claustrophobic before you confine them. Here it's closer to the golden rule of doing onto others as you would have them do onto you.
This can be a place for fantasies but I would also like people to feel free to have BDSM discussions, and with that in mind I will start with a discussion topic.
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I have had more then one submissive tell me about "the fantasy" of BDSM and how the reality doesn't seem to pan out.
It doesn't, it won't, it can't. As soon as a fantasy gets outside of your head and starts involving other people you have to make allowances for them.
In one case on AChat, and one case in real life the problem was that the submissives somehow expected me to KNOW what they wanted and give it to them.
I had one of them call it "Proving my Dominance."
The problem was that I have a fairly decent repetiore of play styles available to me, and since neither one of the girls were willing to give me any ideas it was pick, and choose, and pick and choose, and see/hope she liked it.
And it VERY quickly grew frustrating, and I wasn't able to enjoy myself at all.
See their fantasy has the Dominant able to know exactly what they want and exactly how they want it, and able to give it to them perfectly without them having to say a word.
The reality is however that I can't pick those thoughts out of their mind and I have to figure things out the best I can.
Yes, it means I can't be the Domme of your (literal) dreams, I need you to tell me your fantasies and desires as much as I would need you to tell me about that carpal tunnel or claustrophobia. THEN I can go to work, THEN I can "Prove my Dominance"
It's no different from laying on your back and expecting a vanilla partner to do all the work otherwise, or a chat partner to type up everything while you umm and ahh.
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This is how I see it, someone else might see it differently.
I always believe that the submissives really have all the "power/contol" in the bdsm. The submissive is actually teaching me about him/herself. Together we are exploring our limitations, what we like, don't like and what we can handle. If you don't listen to your subs needs, then your not a Dom but a bully. Before you can be a Dom, you have to learn to control yourself. To understand what you truly want, to understand your limitations. Subs are like pets, you listen to your pets needs, you find out what they like and don't like. If something is harming your pet or making them afraid you find the cause and make it stop.
I also learned that bdsm has levels. When some think of bdsm they immediatly think of restaints, whips, humiliation, the extreme. Again bdsm has levels. You can be a Dominant and never had tied someone up in your entire life. So when you think of bdsm, its not always about force, bulling or the extreme. Myself, I listen to my submissive and I follow their lead(like I said they have the power). For example: I have a sub who likes to be humiliated, another(guy) who likes to be humiliated, tied and strap-on, and another one who likes to be Dom gently(forceful) but gently.
The submissive is actually teaching me about him/herself. Together we are exploring our limitations, what we like, don't like and what we can handle.
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I agree completely. Where I was going with my argument is that the submissive needs to remember they should be as active and important part of the scene as the Dominant.
Yet I have heard submissives state that they figure they just need to submit and Mistress/Master will take care of the rest.
And since AChat's format is so geared towards that kind of communication it seemed like a good topic to start with.
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Oh I understood where you was goin with it.
As far as I'm concerned submissive doesn't mean stupid. If you think a dom can read minds an KNOW what you want, then you shouldn't be a submissive. Because that will just make you a victim when you run into the wrg type of Dom.
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*sigh* All too true, and yet I remember my jaw dropping when what I had thought was a fairly intelligent submissive tell me how she met a Dom, and let him take her to his place on their first meeting. Didn't call anyone to tell them where she was going or anything.
So Janine's Safety Tip #1. Always have your first meeting in a public place. Many BDSM communities have what are called "munches" where you have groups of people who are all in the Lifestyle. They are great because it can be nice to have a group of people who all have their own kinks and fetishes, but they are also a place where you can meet a new Dominant/submissive.
If that's not an option for you it still needs to be somewhere public. Sure they may have seemed wonderful online, but some of the most skilled predators often are. The horror story I heard from my Mentor was of a woman she knew who followed a guy she met online to a hotel, and after she let him tie her up he raped her, for hours, and so violently she suffered permanent physical damage (colostomy bag).
Safety Tip #2. Let someone know where you are going. While the submissive I mentioned up top managed to come out okay, the horror story I mentioned obviously didn't. You don't necessarily need to use words like Dom and sub when setting this up with a friend since in this day and age people meet on the net all the time. Just let them know where you are going, and do not change from that plan. Preferably at all since someone could give wrong addresses and the like, but at least call with any changes.
A subsection of that is the safety call. Set up sometime with the person who knows where you are going to call you. You say one thing they know you are all right, you say another they know to call the cops and have your last known location to give them.
It may seem paranoid, but it does happen, so don't let it happen to you, because those who are worth your time will be understanding of those safety measures. Those who aren't are those you should be worried about.
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Its sad when you have to tell ppl something that should have been knocked into their heads as a child. My survival instincts is beyond the normal limits of humans, no one had to tell me that. Its instinct. Being a sub does not mean make yourself a victim. Safety first, your safety.
I really don't have to say much, Janine as always said it perfectly. One reason why I never wanted to be a teacher, don't have the patience. ;D
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Janine, everything is right. You also said one sentence that is basically important for all dates with people you know from the internet:
Sure they may have seemed wonderful online, but some of the most skilled predators often are.
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It translates well. The problem is that the skilled predators are quite good at convincing you to lower that guard "Just this once", and doing so in a way that will make you feel bad for telling them no.
For me however I consider it a sign I'm dealing with someone worth my time. When I think of the qualities I look for in a submissive I want to her value her gift of submission. To see herself as a gift that I earn as I earn her trust. If I don't have to "earn" her trust she goes from a treasure to those door prizes everyone gets.
I want her to want me, not just want someone to knows how to swing a flogger.
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A Master's Creed
~ The Dominants Creed ~
* Above all else a Dom cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the gift
the submissive gives Them is the greatest gift of all.
* A Dom is demanding and takes full advantage of the power given to Them, but knows
how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.
* A Dom is in control of Themself first and foremost, so that They may control others.
* As a stern and demanding Dom, They can cause Their submissive to cry real tears.
* As the consummate lover, They will then kiss the tears away, without stepping out of character.
* In times of trouble, a Dom will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never
forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
* A Dom is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
* A Dom would never ask a submissive to put Them before their career, or family,
just to satisfy Their own pleasure.
* To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom knows They must
first win their trust.
* A Dom will show Their submissive humour, kindness, and warmth.
* A Dom must always show them that Their guidance and tutoring is deserving of their
attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and that they can trust Their direction.
* A Dom is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, They
will fight for Their submissive's honour.
* A Dom proves to their submissive that They are someone they can lean on, and
depend on.
* When it comes time to teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a
strong and unyielding professor.
* A Dom will accept no flaw. Nothing less than perfection from Their student.
* Never does a Dom use discipline without a good reason. When they do punish Their
submissive, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.
* A Dom is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their
submissive's wants and needs.
* A Dom is patient; taking time to learn Their submissive's limits, and knowing that as
their trust of Them grows, so will they.
* A Dom never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive
responds to Them out of the want of pleasing them. Compliance comes from the wanting
to please, not the fear of punishment.
* A Dom understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.
* A Dom is secure enough to laugh at Themself and the absurdities of life. Open minded
enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
* A Dom's tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, and love.
* A Dom understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/other.
* And B/both of T/them know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.
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Sinnn, that was beautiful and I feel applies to many facets of our lives, not just this...
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I know that the characteristics that mark me as a Domme were natural parts of my personality before I ever knew what a "Dominant" was. I had them even before I came out of the closet. So for me expressing my Dominance is simply expressing my innermost traits. So much of it is simply inner qualities being codified and set down so those who come later can benefit from those earlier works.
When one starts codes and credos are essential. Domination can be an amazing rush, and in the haze of that rush it's easy to loose oneself, but as you go, and as you grow... well the best way I can put it is that while Sinnnn's post of the Master's Creed was beautiful it was also sort of a "Well Duh" moment to me.
Each statement was true, yet not something I really need to think about.
For me it boils down to responsibility. It's not a very popular word these days, but it is at the heart of what Dominant's do. Responsibility for themselves,and for those who put themselves in the Dominant's care.
All the tools and toys are just that. They are no more the purpose of BDSM then a car is a destination.
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All you can do is reply to me so I can bring you along as you must do. If you want to be part of this, then you must cinsider what I have to offer, which is leadership in the undiscovered territories of your pleasure. Don't be afraid. Talk to me.
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Ironman dear, I would suggest that you start by introducing yourself. Maybe telling a little about what you feel dominance is, or what you are looking for in a submissive before you actually start promising submission. One of the more valuable lessons I've had as a Domme is that I can be a perfectly fine Dominant and a girl can be a perfectly fine submissive (or a boy, but not in my case) and we still may be incompatible. There's no fault, or blame, just a natural part of the communication essential in BDSM.
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Now you know why I put that Creed up. Somethings come natural to us few gifted ppl and others need a guide. They tend to thinking Domming someone means being a bully, pain, lame as orders and a cool leather outfit. :P
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Now Love, I like to give some benefit of the doubt. That's why I first like to reach out to teach, so I can give them a chance to learn how to fully embrace, and enjoy Dominance.
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Hello there Janine and Sinnnn.
Firstly thankyou Janine for a great thread pity it's not being utilised by many people but i guess that's because they're only after the sex side of a D/s relationship and while Achat does seem more geared towards that with a little bit of imagination it can be alot more.
Second Sinnnn your Master's Creed post was awesome and something I hadn't ever really thought about but after reading it i agreed with every statement without having to think about it.
Ok to introduce myself ;-) names Jay (lol) am new to the scene and have found that I have natural ability for Dom and was lucky enough to find my precious who saw that ability and nurtured it.
A few thoughts on my perception of a D/s relationship. Just because someone has the ability to command doesn't mean a thing if it's not controlled properly and as sinnnn said in one of her posts it's really the sub who is in control by the simple fact of trusting you enough to give you that control. It's a huge responsibility and is something that should be cherished above all else. For someone to want to commit themselves to you to that degree takes alot of trust and love and is not something to be squandered or used lightly as it's a precious gift like no other. The public perception is that its all whips and chains and fear (i know that's what i thought) the reality I have found is that it's probably the most loving relationship you can have and the most rewarding for all concerned nothing else compares really.
Learning what it takes to truly be a dom is an exceptional journey one that i have only just taken my first few steps on and to be honest one that even in cyber world should be taken as seriously as if it was real life. Hmmm not sure I've said that quite right but i hope you get my meaning.
Looking forward to further posts here ;-)
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I absolutely get your meaning. As far as online verses in person there ARE obvious differences, both in the practical (things like safe calls and meeting in public places), as well as the implementation (talking/typing someone through a fantasy scene is FAR easier then making it happen in person).
The one thing I would say as you start that journey is to be careful not to believe the hype.
Dominants are still people. Many submissives expect us to somehow be perfect people, to know exactly what they want, when they want it, and to always be ready to fulfill it for them. You will have times you have no idea what it is they are after, and are not obligated to read their minds to find it. You will have times that you may know damn well what they want, but are just not in the mood to give it.
I would just suggest that you make sure to remember that the Dominant gives just as much. Perhaps not in as obvious of ways, but I know it was one of the more important lessons I learned, and I learned it the hard way.
But when all else fails you can always come on here, for those who know, or can simply listen.
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On training...
In the "Owning" thread on the "Say" board the conversation has veered a bit onto Dominants setting rules and giving commands for their submissives, and while I was tempted to post this there I thought that I would rather have it here for easy reference while not pulling the thread further off topic.
Before talking about training though I feel the need to clarify levels of play (please note this is LEVELS of play, not TYPES). They aren't set in stone, but rather where people tend to fall.
The first is Light Play. This is when a couple may decide to bring in a blindfold, fuzzy cuffs, or those heart shaped paddles. They are using the items, and one has to be using them on the other, but the roles of Dominant and submissive are either not expressed at all, or are expressed with giggles.
Then would come Play. In this one is the Dominant, and the other is the submissive, the roles are understood, but once the session is over they are set aside (SOME training may happen, but it's light). This is where a great many fall, and they cover a great deal of the spectrum. I knew a pair 100% in the lifestyle who were both switches, so they would change roles as the session suited them.
Then you move Past Play. THIS is where training comes into place. This is where people have made the conscious, adult decision to want a order and structure that Dominance and submission allows, and they want it 24/7.
Many would object to that notion, but that's often a great deal of why people may want it. What I would call a proper submissive CAN make their own decisions, but desires not to. While what I would call a proper Dominant doesn't want to simply control another as much as they want to provide direction and guidance.
That direction and guidance is where training comes into play. Let's ALL remember that this happens with the full and informed consent of both parties.
But now here are more of the nuts and bolts of training as I know it.
Now training can include both sexual as well as non-sexual duties. Say a submissive who is taught how to make Master's coffee just the way he likes it, make it at a certain time, and then bring it to him with the paper at a certain time. After which she gives him a blow job while he reads his paper and enjoys his coffee.
Another example I heard was of the submissive who would come over to his Mistresses house and clean it top to bottom before a play session.
I heard the first story from a submissive who was smiling as she said it, because she didn't have to worry or wonder what the one she loved wanted. She wasn't just told, she was taught what to do to make him happy, and adored doing so.
It's a level of communication that most couples would be terrified of because women would be terrified they were being seen as weak while mean would fear they were acting like ogres, but by just TALKING they found what made them both terribly happy.
The second story I learned from the woman who taught me and the kicker to it is the SUBMISSIVE is the one who asked to do the cleaning. HE loved looking at Mistresses now pristine house, knowing he did good, having her telling him just how well he did, and then rewarding him with a play session.
Those demonstrate one of the bigger keys to training. It should be modeled to the one being trained. In the owning thread I mentioned my hip high boots and their effect while Bear mentions black silk lounge pants having a similar effect for his mindset. So while they are both articles of clothing they are notably different between the two of us.
Whatever form they take though I personally split them into two categories, General and Specific.
General training is the type that I would use with a new submissive who I am teaching how to serve. The easiest example would be her collar. Many Dominants will keep a submissive wearing a collar all the time in private, and pick a necklace with an appearance that the submissive can fix on. (Sinnnn provided an example with me at the end of the Theater thread on this board.)
Even if the submissive is not kept collared 24/7 the putting on and taking off can also be a VERY powerful trigger with either the submissive bringing it to their Dominant and holding still while it's being put on. (Symbolically giving their free will to their Dominant, and then letting the Dominant take it.) To having the collar start out in the Dominant's hand, and say having the submissive kneel before the Dominant as it's put on. (Showing their acceptance that the Dominant has control over them.)
The reason they are called "General" is because they can be carried from partner to partner. There may be changes like the type of necklace a submissive wears out of doors as a collar, but their need of that constant reminder of their Dominant's presence is a constant itself.
"Specific" is just that, like the certain necklace a submissive might wear for a certain Dominant. Or that earlier morning coffee ritual I spoke of. The "General" ones are where training can come into effect with "Play" but "Specific" is where D/s relationships form.
A more specific example would be those beautiful black boots of mine. I've had submissives happen to see them while I'm getting ready for a night out, and confess just the sight of them got them wet because the visual image would trigger their memories of our play times together.
On the other hand if they are sitting next to my bed, and the submissive knows I'm in the shower she KNOWS we will be playing, and by the time I'm out of the shower the darlings have often been literally quivering. Without me having said a single word, touched them in any way, or even been seen directly by them since I decided I wanted to play.
(And yes, the setting the boots by the bed, and then taking a shower is a personal ritual/self-training.)
I will close this VERY long post by repeating that this all comes with informed, adult, consent. This is done by those who have chosen it, and who desire it.
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Words can hurt, but so can a riding crop, and I own one of those. The trick is the difference between a wave of sensation for your partner or an angry mark that will linger for days.
I used a riding crop as my example because it can be very intense when the submissive is in the right mind set, but when used casually is simply cruel.
Where a simple hand or a soft striker can be used for the playful swat on the ass the riding crop is a serious striker. Words should be treated with similar sincerity because even in vanilla interaction misunderstandings can and do tremendous damage to relationships. When you mix in the intense emotions of BDSM you are casting sparks on dry tinder.
Or as I believe Kathy Griffin said in one of her routines. It was one thing if a guy said "Take it you whore!" in bed, but she wouldn't accept that at ALL in day to day conversation, and while she said it to laughs it is a very real idea.
For some women the word whore is degrading, dehumanizing, making them more on the level of property. For others it is freeing, allowing them to cast aside old ideas on "ladylike" behavior. Giving them permission to be wanton, sexual creatures when everywhere else they feel they have to keep that part of themselves bottled up tight.
Now here, saying communication is essential is sort of silly, it is literally the topic at hand. Problems develop though because while the damage can be as deep as anything physical the stings of injury are virtually non-existent. They are so easy to miss that the person who's feelings have been hurt can many times convince themselves they just overreacted.
That however MUST be avoided, because hurt feelings will fester like any other wound. They can cripple relationships like a poorly set bone, and poison feelings like any infection.
They are just as real as any other injury. To be avoided if at all possible, and mended right away when not.
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Wow,
This certainly opened my eyes. I'm not sure I can converse on the same level as you guys, but I'll try.....
At first I was very confused as I seemed to be so shallow, to misquote someone, I thought I only wanted "someone who knows how to swing a flogger". I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist to delve into my psyche as to why I need (needed) someone to "punish" me. I lost my mum 10 years ago and my Dad has brought me up and done a superb job, but when he punished me (physically and not very often and only from age 13) I never hated him for doing it but always derived some sort of security from it and afterwards actually found it gave me feelings I couldn't understand, which I later transkated into sexual desire. These became stronger but very difficult to explore with guys my age who are usually only interested in either a bj or "wham-bam-thankyou-maam" hence my long abstinence......
I used to fantasise (used to? who am I kidding?) about getting punished by all sorts of men and experimented with self-flagellation which only made me more unfulfilled.
I have learn't much in the very short time since joining this site and I'm sure that is what gave me the confidence to connect with my (I was going to call him current but that unfairly belittles him) bf.
Yes I was ecstatic that I had found someone who not only found me attractive and good company, but was keen to explore my kinky side. I have had some very erotic spankings and a coouple of "fun" ones, but recently he did punish me quite severely, going through making me cry, and the euphoria I felt afterwards was incomparable Whilst I did kick and cry out, why did I not just call a halt or move away? it was quite painful and left me with "lasting marks"
As has been said earlier and often, in reality it is the sub who (apart from the occasions where they unwittingly fall into a trap as chillingly related to us by Janine below) sets the limits and can only do it if there is tacit and implicit trust in the dom/domme as so eloquently in Quinn's creed.
I now trust my bf to the extent that we have decided in the near future he will bind ma and gag me for the punishment he wonlt tell me about in advance. Whilst he may tell me how naughty I am and how much I deserve to be punished (and all the other cliches too!) he doesn't go in for verbal humiliation and (at least I don't think so at the moment) I would derive no satisfaction from doing chores for him, is that someting that one grows into? relationship-wise or age-wise?
I am still a terrible flirt and if I were to bump into her in rl would wiggle my ass at Janine just to provoke her into using her riding crop on me..... I can't explain that side, I just find it exciting...... What a slut at 19!
Thank-you for the guidance you have given me I will be watching this topic very closely in future.
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Oh blue honey, none of us ever start out knowledgeable. I feel that I repay those who guided me early on by guiding others.
I will say more in the morning, but I just got home from work, and am far too tired for deep Domme thoughts, but I wanted to let you know I saw your post and will be replying.
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I could never go as far a you have blue.
Btw, great thread Janine, very informative... though it's quite a while since I last read it all. :)
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Adrea dear, I actually re-read it just to get myself into the right mindset while I got myself caffeinated enough to reliably form multiple sentences. ;)
blue? The biggest trick to all of this is that there is no psychiatrist/psychologist who CAN define it all for you. From what you have said I would certainly say you have submissive tendencies, but much like my earliest Domme tendencies I still had to chose to act on them.
Obviously I did, and obviously you are, and you seem to be doing so safely, so you are doing very well.
The one area you seem unsure of is that it's going to be up to you to define what submission means to you.
You CAN grow into something, but you are never "expected" to. If you meet a Dominant who wants that you can agree to it FOR them, but the decision is yours. Like your clit bar with New. She may have put the idea out there, but she didn't restrain you and put it in over your protests, you did make the decision to do as she wanted you to.
Now by the same token you mention wanting to provoke me into taking my riding crop after you, but the way I've developed my style says I NEVER play angry. Even if I were to feel the need to punish you I would step away and bring myself back to a calm frame of mind before I'd do anything.
I'm not saying you are wrong, and I am not saying I am right. I am saying that we have different styles, and like I noted earlier in this thread people can be perfectly suited to their roles without being suitable for each other.
Like you've given wonderful examples of how you are defining submission for yourself I actually joined AChat to have a forum to explore submission away from the Domme role I (happily) wear, and while my Dominant side has certainly shown up here with certain girls I also met Sinnnn, and I am DELIGHTED to submit to her. I trust her implicitly, and happy to give myself over to her completely.
But if you look at some of the threads she and I have here in Erotic Fantasies it's really very gentle in comparison to those things you enjoy.
Again however there is no right or wrong, but rather individual styles.
You and New both seem bi. So if she brought out a man to join the two of you that likely wouldn't be any sort of an issue. I however am gay, and if Sinnnn brought out a guy I would tense up, even knowing she knows that I could have a guy there, and even pleasuring her, but I wouldn't want him touching me. She however knows that and has never done that to me.
Yet again two Dom/sub couples having to radically different takes on essentially the same play event.
So beyond legal, mental and physical health concerns it's up to you to define your "right and wrong".
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The one area you seem unsure of is that it's going to be up to you to define what submission means to you.
@ NGLike your clit bar with New. She may have put the idea out there, but she didn't restrain you and put it in over your protests, you did make the decision to do as she wanted you to.
Do you want to tell them spouse of mine?
Now by the same token you mention wanting to provoke me into taking my riding crop after you, but the way I've developed my style says I NEVER play angry. Even if I were to feel the need to punish you I would step away and bring myself back to a calm frame of mind before I'd do anything.
Janine, I wasn't asking you to whip me out of anger, no that I wouldn't do, when I said provoke, I meant pester like a brat or whatever it took, I wouldn't ask a stranger or someone I didn't trust to beat me, but I am being honest when I say that the idea of you giving me a few strokes with your crop does appeal to me, nothing more. I think NG has sussed me out and she should wear that T-shirt all the time.
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Caffeinated, that's a new word for me. :D
Janine, Sinnnn tends to bring some humour into your play as well... so it's fun reading in many ways. :)
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Though I never knew sinnnn outside the board, it was always a delight reading their exchanges...
best word of advise as a newbie dips into this.. is communicate... make certain the pace and depth of exploration is established....
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The one area you seem unsure of is that it's going to be up to you to define what submission means to you.
@ NGLike your clit bar with New. She may have put the idea out there, but she didn't restrain you and put it in over your protests, you did make the decision to do as she wanted you to.
Do you want to tell them spouse of mine?
Nope
Now by the same token you mention wanting to provoke me into taking my riding crop after you, but the way I've developed my style says I NEVER play angry. Even if I were to feel the need to punish you I would step away and bring myself back to a calm frame of mind before I'd do anything.
Janine, I wasn't asking you to whip me out of anger, no that I wouldn't do, when I said provoke, I meant pester like a brat or whatever it took, I wouldn't ask a stranger or someone I didn't trust to beat me, but I am being honest when I say that the idea of you giving me a few strokes with your crop does appeal to me, nothing more. I think NG has sussed me out and she should wear that T-shirt all the time.
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Okay, I don't know how things are between you two, and since you seem happy together it's not my place to comment.
And as far as my style... I play with good girls. I want girls who want me, and who demonstrate as much. When you get into the whole "brat" thing I'm always left wondering "Is she just playing she doesn't like it or is she really not enjoying herself?" If anything the threads Sinnnn and I wove on here helped grow and develop my style. So you can see me subbing to her the way I'd want to be submit to.
But again, no right, no wrong. Just personal styles. It's as much a matter of if you would enjoy my style of Topping as if I'd enjoy your way of bottoming.
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Okay, I don't know how things are between you two, and since you seem happy together it's not my place to comment.
And as far as my style... I play with good girls. I want girls who want me, and who demonstrate as much. When you get into the whole "brat" thing I'm always left wondering "Is she just playing she doesn't like it or is she really not enjoying herself?" If anything the threads Sinnnn and I wove on here helped grow and develop my style. So you can see me subbing to her the way I'd want to be submit to.
But again, no right, no wrong. Just personal styles. It's as much a matter of if you would enjoy my style of Topping as if I'd enjoy your way of bottoming.
I feel that I am sending you the wrong message. I love blue deeply and would never do ANYTHING, to harm her, physically or mentally. She is the reason I stay on this site and I miss her deeply when she is not here.
I pick on her alot in a roleplaying sort of way. I repeat, I couldn't and wouldn't do anything to really upset her. Bluntly, I Love Her.
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New, Honey, I NEVER doubted that, ever.
What we are running into here is that difference in styles. Before that post you quoted I had assumed that there had been discussion in advance, when it looked like there hadn't been I clicked into Dungeon Monitor mode. Which is basically that both of you are okay with it, so even if it's not MY way it's perfectly fine.
An example from a play party would be when I saw a Dom using a staple gun on his sub. *I* was wincing more then she was so I knew she was okay with what was happening. I personally would never do it, but it was not, and would never be, my place to judge.
Heck, I don't even like to break the skin. Between the infectious nature of blood as a substance, of open wounds, scaring, healing rates... I make sure I leave the skin intact, but again I'm not right, and those who do break the skin aren't wrong.
Still, love need not be gentle, and I never doubted the love between you two.
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Omg, a staple gun :o, I don't think I'd be able to watch that without wincing either.
It seems to me that what you enjoy the most differs quite a bit, as pointed out. I guess you could still play together if you found something everyone is comfortable with and enjoys, thought that might be without most of what BDSM stands for. Anyway, that's up to you to find out if you're interested.
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Precisely. That still stands out in my memory as a OMG moment. I didn't get it, but both were obviously great with it. So that was that.
Now, while that was first hand yet another second hand tale I picked up in my study was an inexperienced Dom was performing in a bondage club for an audience. He was doing fire play, and he WAS doing it wrong because he was just splashing the alcohol everywhere, and if he had ignited it the poor girl would have been badly burned.
HE got physically restrained by members of the audience because they could tell he was about to seriously injure the submissive.
So as long as play is safe and consensual it's perfectly acceptable, even if not to everyone's taste.
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Janine,
Thank you for your concern and thank you for your warnings. <3
Stapling? fantasy on a 3-d site is one thing, but actual cruelty, I'm not sure I could cope with... on any level......
likewise breaking the skin......., infections, scarring..........
I hope I'm never judgemental....... but not for me..... and I don't think I ever would..
A few strokes from a crop over my jeans would really turn me on, being tied to a cross and whipped till I bled would leave me mentally scarred as well as physically........
Because I don't understand it, I won't condemn it, who could understand me?
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Blue, what did you mean with the lasting marks you got? I don't really know what you meant with that.
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Adera,
The marks were a really deep angry red with funny white marks and I thought at first they were going to turn into huge bruises on both cheeks, it certainly hurt like that and they are only starting to fade this morning although there is some blue tingeing round the edges
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Oh, must've been very hard... or sharp spanks.
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Adera,
If you would like me to tell you, here isn't the place.
I can private message you or chat in my room.
xx
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"Cruelty" is defined by the participants.
It's all about learning each others definitions.
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I am learning from you Janine
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I am very happy to hear that blue. As I said I feel i repay those who taught me, but also I am simply very passionate about the Lifestyle, and really about sex and sexuality in general.
Part of that passion is working to help people enjoy it safely. Of course that includes ways to avoid predators, but also warnings about consensual play that can wander into unsafe areas.
Communication, awareness, all those things I ramble on about are all tools to keep one safe.
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I suspect that the stapling mentioned here was done with a surgical stapler, and one hopes, please gods, that it was done with decent or better skin prep. It's not so much cruel as... different. Stapling squicks me too, and that was before I walked around with 31 staples in my abdomen, yes, I did say 31, for three frellin' weeks last spring post surgery. ~le sigh~
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Honestly I didn't get TOO close. It was obviously consensual, there were no obvious signs of distress, and while there was blood it was no where near copious. Just the amount you would expect with just surface dermal damage.
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Damn, Staples, I wouldn't do that in RL Maybe on a virtual site where there is no real damage, but never in Real Life
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Damn, Staples, I wouldn't do that in RL Maybe on a virtual site where there is no real damage, but never in Real Life
Come back to it in ten years :D
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Damn, Staples, I wouldn't do that in RL Maybe on a virtual site where there is no real damage, but never in Real Life
Come back to it in ten years :D
Please will you stop giving the cruel sadistric son of a ***** ideas? She has a fertile imagination of her own!
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Damn, Staples, I wouldn't do that in RL Maybe on a virtual site where there is no real damage, but never in Real Life
Come back to it in ten years :D
Please will you stop giving the cruel sadistric son of a ***** ideas? She has a fertile imagination of her own!
How about carpet tacks, HHMM Just thinking out loud 8)
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The difference you would have between staples and carpet tacks are ease in removal, but as long as you didn't drive them all the way in you should be fine. You would also want to be sure they were sterilized.
Of course if you just want a pricking sensation there is a medical item that has been readily adapted to BDSM.
http://www.kinklab.com/products/pinwheel.php
And here is one I WANT.
http://www.kinklab.com/products/vampire_gloves.php
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OMG Janine, I thought I was kinky, Damn
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I can safely say, if you have the remover, it's pretty damn easy to get the buggers out, a slight pinch, though I suspect a bit more since they'd be fresh, but still not so bad on the pain scale. Creepy, squicky, way high, but pain, meh. Slightly to a bit less than moderately 'annoying'
And I'm exceptionally fond of my whartenberg wheels. I even have one that has four wheels on one handle. ~bliss~
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*sobs*
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Janine, that glove looks mean. :o
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OMG Janine, I thought I was kinky, Damn
If anyone can possibly have any doubts on that subject darling, they are quite welcome to do a 3-some with us and get it in triplicate!
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Even if I where to take you up on that offer the FFS 3some doesn't offer much in terms of poses.
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Actually neither is designed to break the skin. For the Whartenberg the rolling nature as well as the closely grouped spikes make doing real damage difficult... remember it started it's life as a genuine medical device. I believe it was for testing skins sensitivity. Though in the original use I believe it was more for skin that was NOT sensitive. ;)
As far as the vampire gloves, the spikes are really quite tiny. I put one on and gripped my own forearm firmly and squeezed. Not only did I not break the skin, the marks vanished in a matter of minutes.
Now it is still pointy, and the spikes are metal, and if one held and then twisted their grip they COULD do damage, but just about everything we use in BDSM could do actual damage if we set our minds to it.
For the specifics...
@NewGurl I will take that as a compliment. :D
@Zinah Four wheels? I think I now have something else I want. :P
@bluedenim I'm hoping our threesome is more a matter of when then if at this point. ;)
@Adera A key thing to remember dear is that in BDSM you are not out to do any REAL damage. So things may look scary, but that's more to amp the psychological response, or just a side effect of the fact the items ARE made to hurt. :)
As a side note I am REALLY glad to see this thread getting resurrected. Hopefully the development team might see this and decide to expand the BDSM options.
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Well it has a psychological effect on me, the thought of that glove spanking my tender butt wasn't very pleasing, though I guess that's not how it has to be used. Used carefully and with pressure it's probably kinda like a spike mat and those are not bad.
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oh gosh......the spike on that glove are short, but whit strong slap, they can go hardly inside meat........and, you know, a slap isn't allways a so firm hit, the hand can slide a little on the skin before moving away and this can be reeeeally bad, cause it's gonna have the same effect as a cheese grater on the zest of one lemon!
@Adera A key thing to remember dear is that in BDSM you are not out to do any REAL damage. So things may look scary, but that's more to amp the psychological response, or just a side effect of the fact the items ARE made to hurt. :)
hope so! but most depend on the use you do of this, well, "toys". as i say, the vampire gloves mustn't be use for slap, maybe more for tease......well, take this like an opinion of a totally stranger in BDSM
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Exactly, I never thought of using them for a forceful contact like a spank or slap, it IS spiked metal. I just see it as an option to give touching a firmer facet.
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@ Janine: I will look out for you every night, but I'm usually on betwen 22:00 & 24:00 East Coast time, which is 8 hours ahead of Greenwich I think. NG will be delighted. Me? well I'm a sub, so 2 mighty dommes??? Heaven?
@ Adera: Why oh why did you have to talk about spanking with the glove on!
@ HB? just don't try wanking with it on Baby! and I've now got 4 FFS poses, so it's up to you.
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Janine, I say thank you for the website link that gas the gloves. I havent seen that site beforem but I will look at it thoroughly. MMM bet blue owuld like some of these, Ha Ha Ha ;D
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Don't feel the need to stay on just for me sweetheart. When it's meant to happen it will happen.
And it's always good to share quality manufacturers. I haven't had MUCH experience with Kink Lab, but they seem reputable . The big problem is that they didn't have direct order so you have to find local retailers, and the main reason I don't have the vampire gloves at this point is my local area had them at a fairly steep price.
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@ Adera: Why oh why did you have to talk about spanking with the glove on!
Because it struck me that it could prick the skin or even tear it if the slap slides and that wouldn't be nice at all... imo that is.
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@ Adera: Why oh why did you have to talk about spanking with the glove on!
Because it struck me that it could prick the skin or even tear it if the slap slides and that wouldn't be nice at all... imo that is.
Blue will have to wear her Kevlar underwear, lol
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With a remote controlled bullet inside her? Though that is more fun if she's out in public. ::)
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I can safely say, if you have the remover, it's pretty damn easy to get the buggers out, a slight pinch, though I suspect a bit more since they'd be fresh, but still not so bad on the pain scale. Creepy, squicky, way high, but pain, meh. Slightly to a bit less than moderately 'annoying'
And I'm exceptionally fond of my whartenberg wheels. I even have one that has four wheels on one handle. ~bliss~
I have research to do then.... ::)
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no research needed there, it's a top toy for me.
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With a remote controlled bullet inside her? Though that is more fun if she's out in public. ::)
How many mistresses do I have already? I feel like a company toy!
;)
I love you all really!
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maybe too much.........ih ih! i'm a little worried for you, blue........
With a remote controlled bullet inside her? Though that is more fun if she's out in public. ::)
adera, she can easly put it out when you are not whatching her........better make her wear this too! *evil smirk*
(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhg3ewIdiE1qbgrkgo1_500.jpg)
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no research needed there, it's a top toy for me.
Ah,... ty for clarifying... the bliss statement threw me off...
You are a complicated woman luv' ;)
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Blue, I'm not sure I make a very good mistress, I don't even come close to Janine and NewGurl.
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blue, go ahead and get one, I know a good locksmith,
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blue, go ahead and get one, I know a good locksmith,
Oooor you could let her have it on, then lick, suck, nibble and tease all other parts of her body until she begs of you to take it off of her. :P
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blue, go ahead and get one, I know a good locksmith,
Oooor you could let her have it on, then lick, suck, nibble and tease all other parts of her body until she begs of you to take it off of her. :P
Thats a great idea, but she has said in the past she wants one on ME!!!!
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well, we can cut it out and make both of you wear one.....easy! ::)
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Excuse me!!
I am not Robot Girl! If you have fantasies about me you want to explore, then invite me and I'll do my best!
*pouts* :P
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The difference you would have between staples and carpet tacks are ease in removal, but as long as you didn't drive them all the way in you should be fine. You would also want to be sure they were sterilized.
Of course if you just want a pricking sensation there is a medical item that has been readily adapted to BDSM.
http://www.kinklab.com/products/pinwheel.php
And here is one I WANT.
http://www.kinklab.com/products/vampire_gloves.php
2807 W. Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles CA, 90026
This factory is not far from where I live! I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't dare go near it tho, I'd have to shop on-line..... I am shy!
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(http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff514/BlueNewGurl/WhartenburgWheel.jpg)
My new job! I said kink labs was near where I live didn't I?
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not, sure, but i think it was something like this, blue!?
(http://www.violetwandstore.com/cart/images/Accessories/wartenberg_5wheel1.jpg)
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Excuse me!!
I am not Robot Girl! If you have fantasies about me you want to explore, then invite me and I'll do my best!
*pouts* :P
We're brainstorming hun. ;)
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Ah,... ty for clarifying... the bliss statement threw me off... You are a complicated woman luv' ;)
It keeps you busy, darling. I hope you found the various uses I mentioned last night just as revealing. ~ whispers int your ear, "You can do what you want to me, remember?"~
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*smiles and bites his lip as you whisper your words in his ear... his eyes set on you with that dark gaze piercing deep*
"As if you have a choice luv'...Ursus is rising"
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*smiles and bites his lip as you whisper your words in his ear... his eyes set on you with that dark gaze piercing deep*
"As if you have a choice luv'...Ursus is rising"
~melts into a puddle and whimpers~
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Can long nails be problematic when spanking, I mean if I would run the risk of accidentally hurting the one I spank? Mine are a bit long and pointy right now.
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You could try leather gloves
(http://www.black.co.uk/media/images/long_leather_gloves_tassel_1_L.jpg)
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Oh, I didn't think of that. :P
Long nails are nice for teasing though, to run along skin and to dig into soft tender flesh. ;)
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not, sure, but i think it was something like this, blue!?
(http://www.violetwandstore.com/cart/images/Accessories/wartenberg_5wheel1.jpg)
Mmmmm. GLEE when i bought mine, the guy at the store wished he had his camera because I was so damn happy to find the thing. ~snickers~
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Oh, I didn't think of that. :P
Long nails are nice for teasing though, to run along skin and to dig into soft tender flesh. ;)
Adera, we have to get together some time, I find you intriguing
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Okay, it might have taken over a year and a half to get this place hopping the way I had wanted, but thank you all for being here. :)
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NewGurl, yes, that would be fun, we'll probably find sometime when the time permits. Too bad the FS spank pose is only for me to recieve in, though there are many other poses where spanking is available. ;)
Janine, I would say it has a lot to do with the wonderful people that have joined us.
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Absolutely. I just wanted to thank those people.
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Seems like it's girls who are the most active in this topic, though I don't think you mind that Janine? :D
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Janine, just thought you'd be interested, went shopping for lt's of Kinklabs stuff yesterday. Everyting except the wheel & vampire gloves lol!
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I certainly don't Adera. ;D
And you missed two of the best choices blue! ;) Hope you got fun stuff like spreader bars and the like though. :)
Care to share your shopping list?
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1 pair leather wrist cuffs
1 pair leather ankle cuffs
1 padded leather blindfold
1 rubbber bit-gag
2 sets general restraint straps
1 adjustable general-purpose spreader-bar (Bear will be proud of me!)
1 triple leather slapper (bf's choice, it's all noise!)
We used everything except the bar yesterday afternoon. ;D ;D ;D
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Sounds like fun Blue, you wont be able to escape while bound like that. :D
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sounds like someone had a lot of fun yesterday......
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The leather cuffs are an excellent choice, and a chance for me to post a safety tip. :P
The cuffs that blue are talking about (unless I am TOTALLY mixed up) are the buckling leather bands with a mounted ring you can run rope, chain, or what not through. These are FAR better, because the wider strap has enough give that it will stretch rather then damage the many delicate nerves around the wrists and ankles.
The metal police style cuffs (even if fur covered) have about as much give as you would expect metal to have, and if pulled or stretched (like cuffing someone to something) can do permanent damage.
Much like how the Wharten Wheel was originally designed a medical device metal hand cuffs/leg shackles were designed for holding potentially violent subjects.
As a more general reminder, when tying someone up remember the need for continuing circulation. There is a understandable desire to tie them up good and tight, but the undeniable biological fact is that flesh that does not receive enough oxygenated blood dies.
You may have seen pictures of things like breast binding where the breasts are a deep purple, but in those cases the one binding them is one of two things.
A. Very experienced, and has LEARNED how to draw the line finer.
B. An idiot.
Seems a wonderful set blue... though a warning that I'm sure is already too late is that it becomes SO easy to become a bit of a toy whore.
Of course what is as much fun is pervertables... the inevitable mindset that comes with kink that ensures that every store you walk into you will find yourself coming up with kinky uses for everyday items. ;D
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Janine,
Yes the cuffs are the broad leather straps and I totally agree with you about Handcuffs!
No ropes, bf said he never was a boy-scout and (sorry Bear) they don't do anything for me, but I did (and still do, having tried it!) like the idea of being restrained.
Toy-whore? Hmmmmmmmm... I know what you mean, but we don't have to have toys to have fun, he fucked me over the hood of his car on Sunday morning in Topanga Park!
Everyday items? fortunately not being a girl he has no hard-backed hairbrush and no bath-brush either! I have been looking through his kitchen utensils tho! ;)
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For me I like to use old stockings for restraints. They are flexible, cheap and do a wonderful job.
Everyday items, in the kitchen, a fry pan can be put to good use. HHMMMM,a bent metal clothes hanger makes a good whip. leaves red lines where you hit. a Pair of old knee high stockings and a broom handle make a cheap spreader bar. An apple makes a nice ball gag.
By the way did I say I was cheap!!!
There are Thousands of everyday items that work well, just use your imigination
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I like buying toys. :P
If it's BDSM stuff the ones you can buy give a more kinky and erotic feel than everyday items imo.
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@ NewGurl: Baby, bf might not have been a boy scout, but I think you were!
Such ingenuity lol!
A fry-pan? only if it's a small aluminum one, no good if it's a cast iron skillet and a metal clothes hanger? I was so curious I went straightway to the warddrobe and tried it, but I wasn't impressed (no impressions lol!).
I'm gonna come round and tie you to a broomstick with your stockings, I know you have plenty, but I'll make you keep the knee-highs on! mmm .
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@blue I realized that I had forgotten to give you the praise you deserved for facing your shyness and going to the Kink Labs shop. You did VERY well.
In the "Game for your brain" thread my whip was mentioned, and it inspired another post.
A good rule for Dominants to live by is that you never use anything you haven't had used on you.
So there the description was of a single tail style whip... and I don't use them because
A. Even when doing the minimum contact with flesh they HURT. I don't have any personal experience, but they are basically an ensured deep tissue bruise, about the size of a dime or smaller, and that's with each contact.
B. They have a VERY high learning curve, and you WILL hurt yourself as you are learning. Remember every action has an equal an opposite reaction, and part of learning is learning how to control the back swing, and part of learning is the inevitable failures.
Now I adore floggers, and I have been flogged. Not necessarily to the level I've flogged others because there isn't really a way to define levels as each persons are different, but I know what it's like to have my bare back flogged.
I will admit that sometimes this isn't feasible, especially if you don't have someone trustworthy to help you test things out, but you should try to strive for it. Like I said with the vampire gloves, my first act was to put one on and give my own arm a firm squeeze.
So I will say that it's a good rule that I like to share and hope other Doms will adopt if they don't practice it already.
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I came up with this as I typed the previous post, but I felt it an important enough topic to warrant it's own post.
Doms... you WILL fuck up.
Some how, some where, you will have an oops.
A smack intended for the ass will connect with a kidney, loosing track of how long you had the clamp on, whatever.
You WILL have an oops. In my experiences a sub worthy of the title understands that. If anything they often understand it better then the Dom because they are the one's being struck and have a better grasp of the amount of force being tossed around in a play session.
Always play careful, always act in your subs best interest, but know that accidents are eventually going to happen.
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Janine, now you just have to reward her for being such a brave girl. ;)
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I'll attest to the fact of whips and I have been around them for quite a while in equestrian use, if firm and determined to use one but if having having issues in control of force, a lunging whip is a good choice,..., but still practice... the damage one can unintentionally inflict is potentially great. Leather cuffs are the only way to go in my book...even in rope play.I just find the anchor loops much easier to utilize for quick restraint.
That said ropes are utilized for different effects,... mind you blu' not all is intended to be pleasing in sensation, some want that chaffing sense ...I am more sensually balanced in this regard,... that is more attuned to my style than a rule,.. It depends on the subject, and communication is vital. Practice is mandatory to observe and gauge the subject and their condition. As Janine indicated, errors can occur and in using rope one can unintentionally tighten the binds, cutting off vital circulation. (would add more but time is short)
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Thanks Janine, I'm not sure if my "shyness" needed overcoming, but if it did, the lust definitely overrode it and in LA it's fairly easy to be anonymous.
Thanks too for the warnings about whips etc. Don't think I'll ever go that far but the (soft) flogger seems quite attractive mmmm..
I am curious though about canes. bf has used my riding crop on me both as a slapper and across both cheeks like I think a cane would, does anyone have any experience or advice? I probably sound masochistic (or very subby, I blame NG!) but I actually the thought of weals being left does it for me, but I've held back so far.
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Thanks Janine, I'm not sure if my "shyness" needed overcoming, but if it did, the lust definitely overrode it and in LA it's fairly easy to be anonymous.
Thanks too for the warnings about whips etc. Don't think I'll ever go that far but the (soft) flogger seems quite attractive mmmm..
I am curious though about canes. bf has used my riding crop on me both as a slapper and across both cheeks like I think a cane would, does anyone have any experience or advice? I probably sound masochistic (or very subby, I blame NG!) but I actually the thought of weals being left does it for me, but I've held back so far.
Don't Blame Me!!! I just helped you discover what you were already. (And I learned alot about myself at the same time)
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I just finished reading all your posts and I have to say I learned a lot so thanks everyone for sharing youe knowledge and experiece ;D
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Even more then seeing all the new activity I feel very good that people have been learning here.
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Collars and Collaring.
I already touched on the topic a bit earlier when talking about training and how collars are often used. With a sub it can be used as a signal that play is starting, but it can also be a signifier that a submissive is pledged to a specific Dominant.
In command parlance "Collared" means just that, being pledged to a specific Dom.
So while there can be and are play collars when talking about them words like "play" should be added, and in text I like to use the capital C to help add the additional meaning, but the one thing I really felt the need to convey is that when talking about collars one should realize they can have a wide degree of meaning, and people should make sure they are on the same page when they finally get brought out.
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I'd like to go to a BDSM party someday in a collar with a leash that a mistress can lead me with. I think a collar would be the most fun in a public event like that where people just mingled, I could wear some really crazy clothes and it would be accepted much easier. I could also take on a role which would let me act in a outrageously provocative way while things would still be the mistresses call.
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I noticed that too Janine, the only time you can be handcuffed is kneeling. Then the guy can't even fuck you. The only toys available are dildos and whips, bummer
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In that circumstance Adera you would want to make sure you've discussed matters with Mistress VERY thoroughly. It's probably not too shocking to know that embarrassing your top jumps past "Duh" to "WTH were you thinking?"
Edited to add.
Because personal styles can vary widely. The woman who taught me taught her subs they weren't to make a peep during play, but MANY tops like their subs vocal. So personal baring in public is another area to be sure you thoroughly discuss.
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Yes, there's quite a lot that would have to be concluded beforehand and if she's unsure about something I think it's better if she let that go rather than try and see. I wouldn't for instance want her to let everyone come too close to me.
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That is a definite concern. While it is considered bad form to get too close to a collared sub different Dominant's have different views of "close", early on I skittered along a line because I talked to a collared sub, and I felt bad because I worried I could have gotten her in trouble with her Dom, but that's why the Dom explains their wishes to their sub.
The more restrictive the Dom's wishes, the closer they need to stick to the sub to help make sure they are followed. Only a jackass would rattle off a list of rules, and then wander off to expect the sub to handle it all alone. Since there is always room for misunderstandings like that one I had.
And as always there will also be the idiots who can't be bothered to think things through or respect others boundaries who still insist on laying claim to the title of Dom.
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If someone would like to get close they'd have to go by the mistress first imo. I think it's up to the dom to decide those things after considering the person and the subs preferences.
I wouldn't like to be left alone by a mistress since I was thinking I would be somewhat bound as well.
I'd like it if my mistress could stand up for us even if that means she would has to get really bitchy with someone.
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A bump to a worthy topic.... I have had several question me of D/s play over the past few days and have referenced this thread for them.
Sinnnn originally posted a Masters Creed... I had seen that several years ago... and remembered there was a corresponding Submissive Creed with it... Adding it for food for thought:
A Submissives Creed:
I will Not Try To Manipulate my Dominant.
I Will NOT Push.
I Realize That my Actions And Behavior Reflect Upon
His/Her Skills As A Teacher And A Dominant.
I Will Not Intentionally Embarrass my Dominant.
I Wear The Honor Of Being His/Her submissive
I Take Pride In Who And What I Am And Will Never
Portray myself In A Negative Way.
I Will Keep An Open Mind And Try New Things In An
Attempt To Expand my Limits.
I Will Continue To Grow as a submissive
and as a human being.
I Will Not Allow myself To Be Harmed Or Abused.
By Giving my "Gift Of submission" Only To Those
That Can Responsibly Accept It.
I Know That submissive Does Not Equal "Doormat".
I Will Continue To Educate myself Because A submissives
Safety Is Always A Concern.
I Will Be Respectful To my Fellow submissives.
I Will Help Those New To The Lifestyle Start Out
On The Correct Path.
I Will Be Responsive To my Dominant.
I will Communicate With Complete Honesty...
My needs, Desires, Limits and Experience.
"I Will Not Hide what my Mind And Body Are Feeling"
I Will Not Expect my Dominant To Know my Thoughts Or
Feelings Which I Do Not Share.
I Will Gracefully Accept In The Responsibility Of
A Scene Or Relationship Gone Bad.
I Will Not Place Total Blame On my Dominant If It Is
Not Warranted Nor Will I Trash His Character"
In Front Of Others Just Because I Am Angry Or Jealous.
I Realize That Things May Not Work Out As Planned
And Shall Strive To Put It Behind me And Move On.
I Will Be Respectful To My Dominant Even In Disagreements.
I Realize my Dominant Has my Best Interests At Heart
And
Shall Guide me With The Best Of All Of Her/His Knowledge.
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Omigosh!
I shall print off & read.
Does this make me a bad sub?
I do try to behave in a way that would make my Mistress proud of me........ Bear I need you to talk to me, maybe on a pm.... I suddenly feel unworthy.
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lol.. sorry I forgot my powers here.... I intentionally added my comment by mistake to yours as a modify... rather than relpy...
as to your fears.....by no means... at least my own experience is, you would make her proud...
If you need a refresher course I shall offer my services...
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Bear,
Anytime you can spare me the time, you know I would be very grateful.
xx
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Thank you for adding this Bear. For things to work well they have to be worked on from both (all?) sides. Of course that's as true with vanilla relationships, but when you add in the elements we put in with BDSM it becomes all the more vital.
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Well bumped Janine, with all the current interest in BDSM, your dungeon should be very busy.
xx
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Boo
I needed to add my 2 cents if you don't mind. If you do, to bad, lol.
There are two reasons why I don't let anyone Dom me. First is my attraction to a certain person is so overwhelming that I want to devour them. I want/need to make them loose control. To see how far I can push them, how far they will push me. Now i have wanted a certain someone to dom me, i have tried but i cant help it. I want to push her down on the bed, watch the look on her face as i....anyway i digress. I must say once i take control its really really hard to let go. Second is trust. Your giving everything to that person. You have to have the ability to trust and let go. I have only ever let myself be owned once in RL. I have his symbol tat on my neck. He is 2nd person in my life that i trust and is worth doing that for. Its my sign of respect, love, trust(i would like to put a pretty J on my wrist but i dont think she would like that..or would she). And only one other person in VR worth truly showing my Dom side(kiss) too. I think a dom can lead with a firm hand then a painful one. Sub can follow without following blindly. Now I'm telling you this so you guys won't lynch me for the question I am bout to put to you. But everyone ones idea of bdsm tend to go beyond the norm and I wanted your thoughts.
Anyway I came back cause I wanted to put a questions to you all. I was in another site. I am not allowed to copy his post. He put a questions to owners.....It's about body modification. He wanted to know if men thought that their pet/slave/sub's clit was distracting her so much that it interfered with their pleasure. As owner would you remove it? What other body modifications would you subject her to? Do you have the right to modify her without her say so? Do you think her getting an orgasm is a service to you?
So please feel free to tear this apart. I will say this, if a pet wants this, if this is her/his thing and they are not following blindly, then I'm not gonna bitch. But if it's forced upon them, or they are bullied into it til they give in...I seriously think the owner should seriously be &@$$&87)$7()(%^~#>~#%><€€^> and ^><}~#}><^>^%#%#|#~.
I was never asked to put the tat on, it was a surprise. My decision and he is thinking bout a design for me, for him. It's not a symbol of ownership but of trust. And no matter how it ends, it's a very good reminder of something beautiful.
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sinnnn!!! 8)
Body modifiactions are stirctly a pet's decision IMO.
In no way... absolutely NO F'****** way does any person have the right to force another human being to such extremes as castoration or other deformity against their will. That speaks totally of slavery beyond acceptable limits...a viloation of the subordinates trust in their owner/top. The Top in such case should be put away, locked up..
To me this is a form of activity falls outside acceptable limits that it is not consensual ...
Personally in my play... her orgasm is the absolute accent of her want in service to me... I am not talking of one singular.. but finding and devloping the capabiltiy of acheiving edge and riding it, slide across and within seconds be back again to that point...better still when they are voice trained to it...It's like being given the keys t o a Ferrarri
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A bump to a worthy topic....
Sinnnn originally posted a Masters Creed... I had seen that several years ago... and remembered there was a corresponding Submissive Creed with it... Adding it for food for thought:
A Submissives Creed:
I will Not Try To Manipulate my Dominant.
I Will NOT Push.
I Realize That my Actions And Behavior Reflect Upon
His/Her Skills As A Teacher And A Dominant.
I Will Not Intentionally Embarrass my Dominant.
I Wear The Honor Of Being His/Her submissive
I Take Pride In Who And What I Am And Will Never
Portray myself In A Negative Way.
I Will Keep An Open Mind And Try New Things In An
Attempt To Expand my Limits.
I Will Continue To Grow as a submissive
and as a human being.
I Will Not Allow myself To Be Harmed Or Abused.
By Giving my "Gift Of submission" Only To Those
That Can Responsibly Accept It.
I Know That submissive Does Not Equal "Doormat".
I Will Continue To Educate myself Because A submissives
Safety Is Always A Concern.
I Will Be Respectful To my Fellow submissives.
I Will Help Those New To The Lifestyle Start Out
On The Correct Path.
I Will Be Responsive To my Dominant.
I will Communicate With Complete Honesty...
My needs, Desires, Limits and Experience.
"I Will Not Hide what my Mind And Body Are Feeling"
I Will Not Expect my Dominant To Know my Thoughts Or
Feelings Which I Do Not Share.
I Will Gracefully Accept In The Responsibility Of
A Scene Or Relationship Gone Bad.
I Will Not Place Total Blame On my Dominant If It Is
Not Warranted Nor Will I Trash His Character"
In Front Of Others Just Because I Am Angry Or Jealous.
I Realize That Things May Not Work Out As Planned
And Shall Strive To Put It Behind me And Move On.
I Will Be Respectful To My Dominant Even In Disagreements.
I Realize my Dominant Has my Best Interests At Heart
And
Shall Guide me With The Best Of All Of Her/His Knowledge.
A Master's Creed
~ The Dominants Creed ~
* Above all else a Dom cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the gift
the submissive gives Them is the greatest gift of all.
* A Dom is demanding and takes full advantage of the power given to Them, but knows
how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.
* A Dom is in control of Themself first and foremost, so that They may control others.
* As a stern and demanding Dom, They can cause Their submissive to cry real tears.
* As the consummate lover, They will then kiss the tears away, without stepping out of character.
* In times of trouble, a Dom will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never
forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
* A Dom is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
* A Dom would never ask a submissive to put Them before their career, or family,
just to satisfy Their own pleasure.
* To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom knows They must
first win their trust.
* A Dom will show Their submissive humour, kindness, and warmth.
* A Dom must always show them that Their guidance and tutoring is deserving of their
attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and that they can trust Their direction.
* A Dom is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, They
will fight for Their submissive's honour.
* A Dom proves to their submissive that They are someone they can lean on, and
depend on.
* When it comes time to teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a
strong and unyielding professor.
* A Dom will accept no flaw. Nothing less than perfection from Their student.
* Never does a Dom use discipline without a good reason. When they do punish Their
submissive, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.
* A Dom is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their
submissive's wants and needs.
* A Dom is patient; taking time to learn Their submissive's limits, and knowing that as
their trust of Them grows, so will they.
* A Dom never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive
responds to Them out of the want of pleasing them. Compliance comes from the wanting
to please, not the fear of punishment.
* A Dom understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.
* A Dom is secure enough to laugh at Themself and the absurdities of life. Open minded
enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
* A Dom's tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, and love.
* A Dom understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/other.
* And B/both of T/them know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.
:) I just wanted to see them both together for easier reading :)
Nope, can't see anything there about " Body Modification" a term that clearly understates, to perhaps make the unacceptable, acceptable and palatable ..... The term is MUTILATION - plain, simple and direct. Female circumcision is a mutilation.
No right minded person can consent to being mutilated and offenders should feel the full weight of the law for their crimes against humanity.
Or alternatively ... the full weight of these house bricks I just happen to have here .... the "bang" echoing around this particular subject ....
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My objections are threefold.
The first would be practicality. I mean a tat can get removed, or covered up, or such if feelings change. Removing part of the body is something that goes so far beyond that to me that you almost can't put them in the same category.
Let alone having it something so very vital... it's the kind of forever that most could never conceive, and yet it's the kind of forever that the submissive would have to endure.
Secondly as a woman I just see the third world brutality the term "female castration" conjures up for me, and while I actively strive not the be the bitchy type that throws around the term misogyny lightly, I can't find any other term that would fit. He's literally making her nothing but a instrument for his pleasure, and that's the kind of behavior that I had hoped the majority of the male population has evolved past.
Finally as a Domme taking away a submissives ability to feel pleasure is disgusting to me. To make it only about your enjoyment is to profane at least my definition of what a Dominant should be.
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Oh sweety you should have seen his reply to some of the comments to his questions. He calls himself a sadist. He likes making his pet suffer. I have friends that are sadist, they enjoy giving pain, but they enjoy their pets getting pleasure from the pain. It never crossed their mines to remove anything from their sub. They want their subs to feel pleasure, the only time they keep pleasure from them is in form of punishment or play. (I have friends in different levels of kink, I don't down anyone for their fetishes. As long as they respect the line that I drew in the dirt we good).
Like I said to each his own if they truly consent. This topic he had posted was about a bunch of selfish ass mutherfuckers that are insecure about their manhood that they got to take away her womanhood to make them feel like a man.
I love giving pleasure, seducing the mind, body and if I can soul. To deny anyone joy permantly in any kind of form is some sick shit.
What really got me is the replies the females made when the question was put to them. Again if it's something you consent to then whatever. But I can't help to think do they really undertand what they are agreeing to. I wont tell you some off the modifications he suggested, made me want to vomit, but but the dumb bitches actually had no problem with it. You have women fleeing their countries just to get away from this tradition. It hurts that they actually want to do this. If it was something they did for themselves, for their own pleasure, then fine. But they are doing it for another persons sick need to feel better bout themselves. Like Janine said, no one really understands what loosing a part of yourself really means.
This is something that you can't grow back, cover up, or fix without going bankrupt. It's permanent. As far as I am concern, I don't consider this bdsm, kink, or a fetish.
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I want to cry at the thought of it.....
How can these poor girls have any idea what they are giving away just to "please" their master........ and these in a "civilised" society.....
It's just unthinkable, but if we close our eyes will it go away?
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That's just sick... asking for someone to do that I mean. I guess one contributing problem that makes some girls accept that is that there are those that seek acknowledgement however they can, even in bad ways.
I would definitely not want to come across people like that, feels like the kind that might react violently.
Blue, afraid they wont go away, but at least we will stop thinking about it... well until we're reminded about the really dark corners of humanity again.
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Sicko are all over at every level... this was a rather shocking one to me. I chatted with a friend heavily into bdsm as a submissive... and they were mortified...
Some individual have a strong ability to coeherce behavior beyond acceptable means. Hope whoever he is playing with recognizes the issues here and shuts this one out of her life.
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Adera.... I guess I must have sounded a little more sweet & naive than I actually am, I was asking the question to everyone everywhere.
"If we close our eyes, will it go away?"
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I don't even wanna talk about... nor think about...
Just want to welcome sinnnn :-* :-* :-*
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The thought alone is stomach churning... dispicable in my eyes. If someone actually consiered going there, I'd advice to seek for professional help. The one suggesting seems to be beyond help..
welcome back Sinnnn :)
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I think the entire idea of requiring a sub to make a permanent alteration to their body as some kind of "show of faith" to their Master is appalling. I have no problems taking a magic marker and writing things on them, but to tattoo someone, that's pretty much forever. Even the removal process leaves scars. And going further to even suggest female castration, OMFG! Any Dominant who would ask that of their sub isn't playing BDSM games anymore. At that point it has become manipulative abuse. The entire idea of it makes me physically ill.
My advise to any sub in that kind of situation would be to get as far away from that person as possible. >:( >:( >:(
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Well, if i can say two words....till is a tattoo, it's not so wrong. Yes, it's something you gonna have forever on your skin, but it can be proof of a strong bond and maybe of something more.....
my 1 cent! ;)
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If both parties want to get a tattoo to display a bond, that's one thing. I was referring to pushing someone into doing it who does not want a tattoo. Or any kind of body modification for that matter. Being a Dominant does not give you license to be a bully.
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i agree you whit it Cristy! sorry if i don't had understand what you mena from the begin!
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(http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3156/2587173070_46ace9a4f6.jpg)
mmm lets just stroke this thread a different way...
The topic was getting far too dark...
Being a dominate/top....(from "A Submissives Journey") means :
"Being in control of oneself, which leads to other similar traits. Knowing what you want, and being single-minded about it. Not being egotistical or self centered, but being able to hear what others need, and want, from you, and using the power, knowledge, and experience that you have to fulfill those needs. Self control also stems from the ability to analyze, and understand yourself, and others."
"To have another hand over control of their life, (or at least parts of it) to you is an awesome feeling. It must be borne with great care, and never abused. So, a Dominant does not abuse the power they are given. They never take that power, they are given it out of love, trust, and respect, and the feeling that they can improve the quality of another's life. "
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Adera.... I guess I must have sounded a little more sweet & naive than I actually am, I was asking the question to everyone everywhere.
"If we close our eyes, will it go away?"
Oh, I didn't want to be condescending Blue so sorry about that... but you are quite sweet. ;)
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Or maybe, the best love of all ... Is someone who comes to you as an equal , stares you directly in the eyes ... takes your hand .. placing it on their heart and declares with all that they are, they will love, honour and cherish you...
No control, no power , no obeying .... ;D ;D ;D
Just my tuppence worth .. hehe
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Heya Hugs Tight, Bear, Lover and molesting squeeze Adera.
Sorry for going dark but I was curious about whatya might think. As for tats, it's a permanent and I made clear decision. If it ends it ends but the tat is symbols of something good that I experienced in my life. No matter how it ended I'm going to herish that memory.
I will say this I have dealt with someone that basically was insecure in how I felt about them. I was always accused of having fuck buddies or flirting. Nothing I did or say made him feel secure. he acted like I thought with my pussy.
I explained to him, that I kneel not because you make me but because I desire/wish to kneel before you.
To me a sub that kneels willingly/lovingly before you is the most beautifulest thing in the world. The trust they give you is a gift that should be respected and cherished. You don't accuse them of being a whore, lol, or just disrespect them period.
They kneel, you love
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Brandy dear, in BDSM, when practiced in a healthy fashion (NOT like the topic we had been discussing) they ARE equals, and the submissive CHOOSES to submit, desires it, craves it. 99% of the time I am 100% authoritative, and in control, but you put me in a room with Sinnnn and I want nothing more then to follow her every command.
But when we are having normal conversations I can comfort her when she's stressed, and we can disagree without it being taken as anything other then differing opinions.
There is nothing inherently good or bad in it except for the shame that society forcibly attaches to it, but as long as it practiced in that healthy fashion it is only cosmetically different from any other relationship.
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Honestly I have never considered Janine a sub. Hell BDSM never popped into my mind with us. I just find that she leds me in somethings and i might lead in something else. She is my equal in every way. I love a good debate, I love someone I can talk to bout everything without worrying about them freaking. She seduced my mind before we even entered the room :-*
For some reason ppl have this idea that subs are suppose to do everything you want without saying no. They are not suppose to have a mind of their own. That is sooo far from the truth.
Just like some subs think that Doms are suppose to know their needs before they even voice them.
To me communication and open mindedness builds BDSM relationship.
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Bear, I can't get that picture to load properly and it's driving me mad!!!!!!
Can you send it again? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
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Is anyone else having an issue with it?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27764585@N06/2587173070/
is the link to the picture if unseen...
Brandy you see the submissive as somethiing lessor.... and I echo in objection...they are not. This is still a 50 -50 relationship... skewed in a viewpoint many can't see. Submissives will be very strong willed. Very focused individuals... and often very successful in their normal lives.
Communication is exactly it though... where there is no clear and constant dialogue, RL events impact us in many ways... and it won't succeed.
So my response to you... couldn't it be perfect if your partner on hearing your declaration... looked back into your eyes... clasping his other hand over the one at your heart and declared...
I hear what you say...what you want.... what you need from this. I will do everything within my power.... use all my experience and knowledge present and furtue... all that I can possibly control to fukfill this for you .
A dom's mindset can accomidate many levels... all I am saying... it doesn't have to be the extremes in life... what we learn from ourselves in this... is a good more deeper... and honest.... than the mainstream.
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Thank you Bear, I can see it now and it's lovely.
I won't join in this "debate" between you and BB, I am already either damned or typecast. I am what I am and what I choose to be is my choice, not made through weak-willed acquiescence.
xx
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mmmm presumptions are strange things ... I dont actually ... I didnt say that ..
and interesting you would presume I would be the sub, perhaps, in the return declaration mmmm
I was actually trying to change the tone of the thread too, backing you up if you will, ... just putting a different side to the love of a Sub and the love of a Dom ... to the love of a vanilla ...
Actually think... having now read your creed , that it wouldnt be a bad thing for a vanilla creed to be practiced .. mmm Vanilla Creed ... sounds like a villian ;D
Blu, you are neither Dammed or Typecast in my eyes ... just too damm good at those damm riddles..... and you sleep too much lmao
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Sorry BB, I wasn't aiming a diatribe at you......
It was more a knee jerk reaction to A.N. Other and Bear will know who.
Sleep, me? bed at 00:00, rise at 06:30, lolz
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Kneeling, Rising ... you'll make a Knight yet lol ... No worries .. I got broad shoulders... ;D
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well... there are some benefits when one kneels before a man... that's not related to submission. :P
Blue you are not damned... some people voice on matters they know nothing of... doubtful that no matter how well sugar coated... that there is a an under lying desire to "save" you/ rather than understand you/ You and I have chatted... and it's quite unintentional my tag line here.. but it applies... you are ...rewriting yourself.
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mmm and vice versa Dear Dom lol ... mmm one of my favourite hugs is in the foot play pose .. mmm
Ok, back to topic, my dungeon friends .... why the word " Vanilla? " Couldnt it be made more exciting? BDSM Kink sounds sooooo more ... well .. hip ... and all I picture for me is a soggy icecream cone.... lol
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Sorry to hear you don't like that tag...
The wonderful thing about vanilla... is that it goes so well with many flavors...
Add strawberries to the vanilla... and you have a very hot combination...
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mmmm sprinkling of chocolate ... maybe a chocolate flake .. mmm its starting to look better ... ;D
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I read "Story of O" Years ago now ... So a question for the Dungeon .... If Subs or some subs get trained in a house or school if you will, Who trains the Doms ..? Do they all train together? Do the Doms have a Mentor too...? Just wondering ... Seems to be a lot of power ... If there's a bad egg .. Like the idiot previously mentioned .... Think he needs retraining and realigned ... lol
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That’s actually a very good question. In my case, when I first sought out a Dominant, I was under the impression that I was naturally submissive. I joined a local BDSM club and found a wonderful Domme who agreed to Dominate me. She and another Dom in our club that was occasionally in our scenes together noticed right off that there might be some problems with me being her submissive. I did everything I could to change my behavior to please her. She did decide to collar me, but one day when I brought my collar box to her and knelt at her feet, she didn’t open it. Instead she said “time out” and asked that we go to her kitchen table to talk.
We talked for a long time about what I had gotten from serving her, and whether or not my needs were really being fulfilled. She is very good at getting people to tell her things they might not want to talk about. I told her that I still felt like I needed something else. I wanted to be more in control of the situation. She gave me back my collar box and asked if I had some time on an upcoming evening. I told her I did. And she told me she wanted me to try switching roles, just to see if I liked it. That the other Dom I mentioned before, and another sub from our club (whom I also knew) were going to play at her house on an upcoming evening and she had been asked to join and that other Dominants would be joining. This kind of scenario is played out a lot in our club. It usually involves the sub being put on display, show how well they can follow commands, possibly be tormented to some degree, and/or humiliated before a group of other Dominants and their subs. It’s a chance for the Dominant to show off how well they have trained their sub. And for the subs watching, to have something to aspire to.
I joined them and was amazed. I had been to this kind of scene before as a sub, but to be part of it as a Dominant, even though I only sat in attendance made me really feel like I had really found what I wanted to be. All because my Domme was attentive enough to see that I wasn’t happy. She has been my mentor ever since. She has given me guidance and helped me pick the best reading material on the subject. But I am still a switch because I still like being a sub from time to time. I still have the collar my Domme helped me pick out. And we still play together. Being a switch above all else, at least in my opinion, gives me a unique perspective over those who have never been in a submissive role.
This kind of mentoring is not unique among those in BDSM clubs. Where you see the difference is when you find people whose view of BDSM has been shaped by pornography and the media, and they don’t really know what it is to be a Dominant. They don’t understand that the two parties are equals and that the power exchange is a consensual agreement between them. That the sub, not the Dominant, is responsible for deciding where the limits of play are. And there are no exceptions to these limits. Period. Stop still means STOP. Even if a “safe word” is used in its place.
I was lucky that I decided to be part of a group rather than happening upon a misinformed Dominant who may have hurt me, not just physically, but mentally as well.
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Ok, here goes...I am VERY new at the whole dom/sub thing. Recently the man I have been with showed an interest in femdom. I have decided to become his Mistress, but am not really sure where to start. We have dabbled a bit in tease/deny and that seems to work wonderfully, but there has to be more. I will not be cruel or humiliating and since this is completely done online, I cannot whip (which I really wouldn't do anyway except lightly). I am not into the whole foot fetish thing and I guess I am just your plain ole vanilla dom. I would love to hear some suggestions for tasks or assignments as you will and we are both open to new ideas as long as they are not too extreme.
I could really use some help as far as learning how to be a good dom goes. Anyone out there willing to take on this challenge? :)
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Oh yeah, forgot to ask...and this may be a really dumb question, but I am way too new at this. Is the dom/sub relationship about love or control?
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A good question...
As Christy stated the perception of a D/s relationship is badly misreprented in most porn. In the VR the tenencies are to order folks around servicing imaginery meals... demanding the servents to act proper...or controling the action of the play in the room. In terms of online play I will point out that it RARELY approaches the level of a RL experience.
If neither of you have played this... start reading a bit... explore some web sites
http://www.submissiveloving.com/index.html
http://www.bdsm-institute.com/index.html
lol... there are many many out there google away and poke around for ideas.
But, first and foremost.... communicate.... at the VERY least idntify what you two are wanting to achieve in this.
If you want to really undersatnd...keep a journal for a couple of weeks,.. and wirte in it what you think a Dom/Domme is,... what a Submissive is... what goals and wants, your fantasies of it... you need to identify to yourself the identity you are assuming. Likewise your submissive should too. They should share that with you, take time to discuss the matter... so you really understand what your partner actually is wanting from this.
A D/s relationship is a power shift... and can run vanilla to the extremes... it is all dependent on what you and your partner agree to. Loving D/s relationships can occur... here again.. the question is the parameters of what each party wants. By no means is a whip or mental harassment required.
PS It's good to hear someone admit they are new and are clueless... most try to fake it... and the reality is 99% of those claiming to be Dom's aren't, at best they might be Tops... sexually controlling
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Christie, Thanks ever so for taking the time out to explain for me .... guess I owe you another Whiskey :)
Welcome Little Sprout - Its good to see you here - Hope you check out other topics on here too and put your ideas and views across. And you're not dumb just inquisitive ... and nothing wrong with that ... well I hope not .... or I could be dumber lol ( Groaning ... sometimes I dont half leave myself open lol ) Laters ... Have fun girl ;D
Pondering ... Vanilla Domme .... mmm think thats a higher cast than a Vanilla Strawberry & Chocolate ... :o
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Looking at some of the equipment again, as I wonder through the dungeon.. turning my head to the side on some things, thinking which part of the body fits where .. I continue my journey going in deeper...
Arhhh, there it is ... The Dom Hall ... I carry the large flat portrait sized package, wrapped in brown paper with a red bow on the corner, and place it carefully on the floor as I turn the black wrought iron knob to open the heavy dark oak doors ...
I see an ideal place ... a long trestle table or alter at the front of the vast hall. My footsteps echo earliy as I pick up the package & position it , pride of place, upright, supported by large candle sticks ...
Standing back, looking at the brown paper still covering it & pretty bow ... mmm ... very prominent and cant be missed... perfect.
I slip away again ... feeling the sun on my face as I hit street... ;D
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Walking past the entrance to the dungeon, sees BB blinking in he sunshine as she peers up & down the street, duck back into a doorway and hope she hasn't spotted me...
That was some smirk on her face!
Give it 2 minutes then open the door & call to check if there's anyone here. There isn't so I'll have a wander around.. What has that girl been doing in here.. This is not her kind of place at all. The thought of Brandy fastened over a spanking bench, What Bear would give for that!
Then I see it. A portrait sized parcel stood up on the "table of doom" and it has a pretty bow on it.
I am intrigued.... You know, with he goings on at the Bar & Grill, I bet I know what this is. I giggle to myself and leave it standing there where no-one will miss it.
There's no label, so who is to open it? Not me, that's for sure, I can get into trouble easily enough, II think I'll go find Miss Christy.
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Sitting on my sofa re-reading “The Loving Dominant” I am suddenly interrupted by blue. She looks so flustered, and eager to tell me something. So I continue reading for a moment and finish the page I am on. Finally I look up and see that blue has gotten on her knees and is in her request position.
“Miss Christy,” she begins, “There is something I must show you.”
“Really? What could that be?” I respond.
“It will be easier if I show you.” She replies. “But it is something you must see.”
A little annoyed I join my pet and begin to walk to the door with her. Now what in the world does she have to show me, I wonder.
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Sigh.....
I've just been re-reading Janine's & Sinn's posts on the role of a sub and I feel like slightly altering the Tammy Wynette C & W song......
Sometimes......
But then we have to learn and appreciate our place don't we. Wouldn't have my Mistress any other way. xxxxxxxxxx :))))
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Some thoughts I had on training as I re-read this.
First is that a great deal of instruction whether it be for Dominants or submissives is done more often in a one on one sort of format. The reason for that is more practical then anything as those first steps are often very nerve-wracking, and done easier with only one other person present, but there is also the simple truth that there can be a great many concerns that make a large house like in The Story of O impractical. (The sad truth is that a great many locations have laws that make consenting BDSM illegal despite that consent,)
Secondly is that the training is only the beginning. While to this day I have always felt my initial instruction was excellent even as it was happening it was my growth as I had those experiences that helped make me into the Domme I am today. christinak's sharing of her discovery of her nature as a switch is an excellent example.
Perhaps a good way to think of training is like when you learn to walk, or ride a bike. Most of the time you'll have someone there to encourage you on, and catch you if you stumble, but ultimately you are the one who gets moving, and keeps moving.
Thirdly is that you will have those elitist types who feel that the way they were trained is the only "real" way someone should be trained. They can be safely ignored, or maybe even directed to someone who holds the opposing viewpoint so you can watch them rip each other apart. ;)
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Thank you Janine.
I agree about the learning, as into ride a bike or swim etc... and I do need (as I thought most subs would) someone there to encourage me and mold me, not just bully or dominate me, into the person I want/hope to become.
I have both read and watched the story of O and whilst it is very erotic, it is further removed from real life than AChat and I would not wish to undergo such a..... I'm sorry but my command of the English language lets me down here and i haven't a thesaurus handy.. an ordeal? an experience? I can't put into words what I feel :(
I think people like Miss Christy and the people she learned from are exceptional and gifted.
xx
[sub]thank you for letting me share[/sub]
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That get's tot he heart of perhaps the one thing I would hope everyone could take from this thread... that the reality is going to be far different from any fantasy the person held.
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(The sad truth is that a great many locations have laws that make consenting BDSM illegal despite that consent,)
This sentence got me interested in looking up how it is in Sweden.
BDSM is perfectly legal in Sweden as long as it's within the boundaries that has been consented upon, there is a limit to it however, you cannot consent to assault in Sweden... though I find that reasonable.
If the boundaries that has been consented upon are broken that is punishable by law, seems like it's treated the same way as breaking any other agreement so it's not a special law for it.
However, practitioners doesn't get any discrimination protection (not sure if that translates correctly) nor is it considered an hate crime if they're assaulted because of the practice... but all in all I think the laws around BDSM are quite good here.
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How does Sweeden define assault then?
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Well it was the more serious kind of assault as far as I could see, like, if it is fatal, or if it inflicts serious injury or illness, or if particular ruthlessness or brutality is exhibited.
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Okay, sometimes lawmakers like to write the laws loosely.
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Bumping as this thread has a plethora of hands on information.
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I was very happy to see that BDSM had a continued presence on the Forum, and with that continued presence I thought it a good idea to dig this up and get it back into circulation.
Because while there was an excellent social and fantasy elements I thought it would be helpful to have (or in this case resurrect) a thread for the more real world applications, and there have been so many wonderful contributors that this thread really has become a wonderful resource. Not just in any single element like Sinn's Master's Creed (amazing though it is) but also things like the interactions SHOWING how different BDSM can be to different people.
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Glad to see the thread back in use :)