AChat Forum
Discussions about sex => Everything about sex and love => Topic started by: hahayhea on August 27, 2010, 02:09:25 AM
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where i come from u give a person the common courtesy of telling them why u do this (ESPECIALY when everything was fine)
dont get me wrong...we are all adult here(most of us ne way)...but some of that means being polite enough to explain to peeps and give them chance to respond to any real or imagined slights that led to the iggy plank...ill bet 100 A$ that 9 times out of ten its a mistake in communication that can be sorted easily by being honest and frank.
if it gets ugly? i would be first person to hit ignore....but if it wasnt that way?....cmon...its just polite to explain why all of a suddon u drop a person and ignore them.
i personally dont lack for friends and lovers...but really.... cmon....be polite enough to tell a person...they cant fix what u think is wrong if no one tells them....otherwise? its gotta be YOU.....think about it:D
play for fun guys! or please...for the love of the gods...take ur drama to others that like it..
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I think I understand your point of view. But if someone deletes me from his friendship list or even ignores me without explaining, I know this person is not worth it to talk with any longer.
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*sighs* no janine..im not gonna argue with u......i can speak without it becomeing an argument most times.
and Lover...u r probly right.they prob not worth it ne way.
it has only happened too me a few times....once was because i didnt know i was still in achat and the lady thought i was just snubbing her....she dropped me and ignored me....i can shrug that off because she had the notion we were a "couple" which is something i gave no indication of seeking.and she was allways over dramatic ne way.
another time it was completely out of the blue....no explaination... after we had had many pleasant chats and some fun times....there was no "falling out" or ne thing.
thanks for the good input u 2.....
would like more peeps to offer their opinions/advice.
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Believe it or not hahay, I think you lucked out. Online or off drama queens (and kings) are bad news, and having one remove themselves from your life sounds like a blessing in disguise.
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oh soooo true. ;)
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I've had drops without explanation myself, some I suspected, some I was totally surprised, but I never found out if I had been ignored because I never messaged them to ask why. I figured if they didn't want to talk to me I wasn't going to make them.
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Happened to me shortly after a nice chat,...I was approached,..but groupie came on,...distracted,...next thing I know I am ignored..
make it a point anymore, that my primary is exactly that,..hoping that it will help, cause it's sad to find someone who who is interesting to chat with be overreact to the distraction.
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Please I got ignored because I didn't go in a room with a friend. Then he says Hi few weeks later and ask if I am mad because I didn't carry a long conversation with him. Told him no, just chatting with several others right now. Really, why should I be mad if I am put on ignore. Far as I see it, you just saved me alot of time by not wasting it on a big baby.
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hmmm interesting point.....
still tho...when there is no apparent reason..its nice to have an explaination.....if its a silly one borne of overr reaction..then obviously the person is no longer worth it....i think tho some here need to back track a bit.....whats with the ignore after all is going well?
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i find its best just to move on, we make our own rules for the game, like if you have more than one friend you chat to the first who speaks, and tell the others your busy. but with emotions ppl get jealous and delete and ignore you, without reason, its just human nature for some to get possesive, jealous and not even tell you why your deleted, i like a freind to chat with as well as go into a room, not into one night stands even here lol, so i will delete if they dont satify both needs. its sad to loose someone you thought you had a connection with but thats life. move on and stop wondering.
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I get what your saying. But sometimes you do need that closure. There are times you can't help but wonder, "Is it something that I did. Or did they misunderstood something." Sometimes you think that if you know why, then you can solve the problem. Really once I get my closure an the persons reason was a really stupid one, they are not even a memory.
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sometimes silence is deafening to the soul,..do not dwell on it, but rather move on
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I'm fairly new here and at first i was nieve (need spell check! lol) and added lots of friends who asked me to add them. i then went through my list and removed people that i never kept in touch with. it was nothing personal to them but i was adding too soon when i didn't know much about them so i couldn't remember previous chats as i had too many people i only chatted one time before. (guess i'm a typical bloke! lol).
Now i just keep and add friends that i regularly chat with as it is meant to work so i was basically just tidying up my list.
I've been removed from peoples lists and had requests refused but don't take it personally. i'm sure there are many different reasons for this and life is too short to waste time chasing people and demanding reasons.
Bazzamac
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I was just removed from someones friendlist because I was busy chatting and didn't respond to his offer about sex. Well I don't care anyway if thats all it means to him.
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Oh who careds about immature asses like them. Worth being put on their ignore list. Now that I won't think twice on. I did loose a friend and I honestly thought I accidently deleted him. So I wrote to him saying that and that if he deleted me, then he doesn't have to reply. So if I deleted him just let me know and I will correct that. He replies that he is not sure that he deleted me or I him but to add him back anyway. So I sent him a request he denied. DOH!! LOL
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lol TuT TuT what a lil tease
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I was removed from someone's friendslist as well and I did get an explanation. I actually liked the fact that she did explain although it wasn't necessary. We hadn't been in a room and just chatted so I could imagine her taking me off. (btw, we still haven't been in a room, but we are friends again...)
When I was new to the game, I added anyone that I had a good time with on my friendslist. Since then I've become a lot more selective and will soon go through my list and probably delete 80%. I have noticed that a lot of people are on for a while and then just simply disappear to be never heard or seen off. I take that as a given and as a result I don't mind at all taking them off my list without letting them know.
But I can understand that sometimes you want closure. If there is no obvious reason why someone takes you off and you had a connection with that person, an explanation could get your mind at ease.
All in all, except for the obvious exception, i don't take friendships too seriously. For me my lover's list has a lot more value and the girls that are on there, I would not take off without letting them know why.
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...."unexpplained"
Fist, everyone is an owner of her/his frind list, so, she/he can to have on this list who he/she want.
Second, i had on my frien list many people who i saw one time (lol), they was never online (removed)
Three, friend list, ignore list, chat window are verry poor here and it is not too easy to manage it, at end you have friend list looking like search window.... 5 sites of the same pictures...nobody can to remember who is who...(clean = removed)
And... frienship it is something more than to click "start relations".... belive me everyday when i'm loggiing in i have 3-4 invitation to be "friend" from peoples who i never sav.
Everyone can to manage her/his list how he/she want and can. First this software need to work as a chat (irc for example) and then probably friend list will be for friends and there will be not problem wit "unexplained cancells"
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wow...dead thread X)
originally i started it as i was wondering why a lover blacklisted me with no explaination.....this wasnt just someone what i said "hi" too occasionally...we had many "sessions"...all was well...and then BOOM on her iggy list.....
all in all there been good discussion here....i had already become satisfied with logics put forth and moved on.
but those who sited "closure" hit the nail on the head i think.... thats it right there. no explaination=no closure
tho im "here for fun only" its still hard not too have ne feeling at all X)....in real life and here.....an emotional attachment makes it all ....spicier...for lack of better term.... and when that is broke off with no explainaination there is that small void...that "wtf did i do?"......
not worth cryin over...but still...one likes too know.....
thank u all for ur input!
im not sure if it made me colder...or bolder X)...but its all good all the same
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I must of pushed the wrong button 1 night , I the next day I woke up w a lover , didn`t even know the guy ! I`m so bad ! I cancelled him right away ! :o
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I must of pushed the wrong button 1 night , I the next day I woke up w a lover , didn`t even know the guy ! I`m so bad ! I cancelled him right away ! :o
:D :D :D Bad girl! It would be worse if you found the guy next to you in bed, so I'll forgive you. ;) ;) ;)
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Nothing quite as unnerving as after a wild night out waking next to someone wondering "who the hell is that?" ::)
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@ Bear lol Thats called an ulgy wild coyote ! Finding your self next to some one , ; in the morning ! only to a wake w him laying on your arm ! That makes you want to chew your arm off ! To get out of there before he awakes ! ;D
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just tap them on the shoulder and go "how the hell did you get in here?"
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hahaha ! Especially if it`s your own place ! ;D and they get your phone number ! And never mention something like that to older brother , he said to me if i didn`t know youd fight me like a wild cat , id have the mind to put me over his knee and spank me ! Got off w 1 long lecture ;D
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your stories are kinky
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As long as the guy isn't your brother...
That happened to a friend of mine... he woke up, nude and looked at the girl beside him, nude too - "Ahhhhh" the cousin! He didn't remember anything bout the night before and the girl had the same problem... ;D
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I have no family on the island ! and thats sick ! :o
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Had friend cancelled me ! Didn`t have time for him when he wanted ! Time zones put a burden on this as well !
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Friends are friends,.. whether u play around or not,.. guess he took that interpretation as active partners then.
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I gotta agree with Bear, but I'll add that was not very cool of him. Different time zones is different time zones and not anyone's fault.
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His loss,...sunny seems to be a outgoing friendly type,... that he equates friends to rooming, ha;f of my friends list are just that.
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i have no fucking friends like that and I spend too much time talking on there
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Ya I guess he was just working through the alphabet ! and he came too his S`s
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@ Unhealer how about trying a more cheerful , happier approach ! Feel free to cancell me out ! Sunny ! You have to make people feel good , to want to be with you ! You want some one to fuck your brains out , I suggest you get your wallet out ! Unhealer dont take it wrong , just some advice !
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naww i might as well go solicit real hookers
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@ unhealer if thats what make you feel good ! all I`m trying to say sweetness , kindness , and some tendeness , have some feeling , yes even in cyber , might be cyber but were real people behind our avatar ! your more then some of these pigs here , i know it !
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who are you kidding? its all fake
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I`m not kidding or a fake ! Nor am I boring ! Open your eyes and really see !
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@ Unhealer I'd like to ask you to choose your words on occasion a bit more careful. I might be able to understand what you mean with your statement:
who are you kidding? its all fake
and I won't take offense, but I am neither a fake as Sunny is, as you are and a lot of other people I got to know. At least, I am honest and open and try not to hurt anybody when I am online.
Oh, and if AChat is getting to you this much, there is always the option to leave.. But that is for you to decide...
One more thing, in rl people are just as fake and as often as here. Everybody wears a mask for the outside word....
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Canadain slurpy > :P lick ;D lol
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@ Unhealer I'd like to ask you to choose your words on occasion a bit more careful. I might be able to understand what you mean with your statement:
who are you kidding? its all fake
and I won't take offense, but I am neither a fake as Sunny is, as you are and a lot of other people I got to know. At least, I am honest and open and try not to hurt anybody when I am online.
Oh, and if AChat is getting to you this much, there is always the option to leave.. But that is for you to decide...
One more thing, in rl people are just as fake and as often as here. Everybody wears a mask for the outside word....
this game is the equivalent of 4chan, so yeah, rl is less fake even with these "masks"
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WHO knows why people do what they do ! Befriend me , Fuck me , then ignore me ?
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What I find hard here is how people see the Friend, Lover and Spouse relationships so differently, some take the lover status quite lightly while for others its VERY important. I don't do the spouse thing here since I leave what I feel like a big commitment to irl and for me a lover doesn't mean I will exclusively play with him/her... I can have more than one lover online at a time after all.
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Idiots sunny,.. obviously their primary concerns are what is between their legs, forgetting that one can still enjoy friendship with no or limited sex.
had one befriend me,.. make a date, only to find them roomed with another when I showed up for the date. Though they apologized they made no effort to reschedule,.. they ended up canceling the friendship.
*shrugs*
@Adera yes wide view point on that. Guess you can look at their lists and determine what type of attitude they hold. Big lover lists appear more like notches on the bedpost. Likely not to have much of a long term deeper friendship. as to spouse, again that can mean anything, but if you are going exclusive you should declare it....
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I don't have any strict definitions for the lover or friend relationships here and the labels doesn't mean much to me since I've got people on both lists with quite different views on it. The problem though is that things can get a bit confusing. :P
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It's the lover requests I get before rooming or even talking that get me... expect an immediate rejection.
I'll friend anyone who has engaged me in reasonable talk, but accept Lover requests only from those I have actually roomed on multiple occasions and have a deeper personal connection. A spouse to me a special status,.. one not of exclusiveness, but rather prioritization of attention and great affection for.
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Yeah that would work for the spouse relationship and I really agree with you about what I would call cold relationship requests... doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'm something of a free spirit as Sunny so nicely puts it. :P
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Heck relationships by their very nature get confusing. :P
That said that said my view on spouses can be seen by looking AT my spouse. ;D
My view could be summarized as this game will be what you make of it. I've had lovers where I've ended things when they got too clingy, and I've made friends that I've been able to share thoughts I can't share with those near and dear to me in real life.
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I view the relationship-status more or less as Bear does. Having one spouse, that spot is taken, I have no need for another. I usually do not accept a friend request after a single conversation. Having had too many of those, a single talk then nothing for weeks or months, not even being online. I don't like having to clean up my list all the time. ::)
Lovers I have a deeper connection with, known them for a longer time, had multiple meetings with and a warmer, more passionate relationship. I 'upgrade' (hate the word) friends to lovers if that deeper connecton is established.. Well, just my view on things...
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Over 1 1/2 yrs ago I asKed my best friend to be my lover ! He declined , told me his reasons , which I respect , we are still close . But forget it , have`nt asked anyone else ! Some times feel like putting my ass up for the highest bidder ! Used or be used world ! forget that , robot boy is less confusing !
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Robot boy is kinda bad in bed though, its far more fun with someone you get that special connection with. :)
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*blink* *blink* *blink*
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how do you get people to move up in the relationship? I have someone who is a friend, but I want as a lover. What do I do?
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@Hiyapie You have to cancel the friend and invite for lover.
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@ Tight whats with the blinking ?
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Tight is ignoring us ;)
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::) >pout <
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Robot boy is kinda bad in bed though, its far more fun with someone you get that special connection with. :)
I was referring to your post Sunny.. someone you have a special connection with.. Uhm, how many flirts do you get a day? And you missed this one? :P
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@ Tight ::) ah ah maybe had an off day !ok I suspected > I frozed <