Porn games, Sex chat

I'm leaving the stage, and take a look around the bar room.  There are a lot of familiar faces, and a few new ones.  I suspect my tab wil rise again, but it is all good.  I spot Miss Sexi seated at the bar, and I break into a silly smile, and do an about face.  I tap the mic again.... "Is this thing on?'


"What do you call an unemployed goat?
Billy Idol."


The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a goat walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."


"What do you call a redneck who owns 6 goats?
A pimp."


A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a goat sitting next to him.
"Are you a goat?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The goat replied, "Well, I liked the book."



"What do you call the best 'butter' on the farm?
A goat!"


A policeman in the big city stops Miss Sexilicious in a car with a goat in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that goat?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
"That's a great idea." Miss Sexi answers.
The following week, the same policeman sees Miss Sexilicious with the goat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls her over. "I thought you were going to take that goat to the zoo!"
Miss Sexi replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

"Thank you.... I'll be here all week."

I down the remainder of my sarsparilla, thenI move from the stage and take my usual seat at the end of the bar by the dwarf's panel.

Hearing Covems start telling more jokes about goats, I can't help but shake my head and stick my tongue out at him. When I see one of the baby goats come running in with Grumpy chasing after the baby. Laughing, I know that chasing a goat only makes them run away more. As the baby runs underneath the tables, Grumpy starts tossing the chairs to get to the baby but she already ran off to another table. Giving Grumpy a good merry chase as they run around the room before running back outside.

When Covems came over to sit down, I holler down at him, "Next time I'll take the goat to the movies and sit behind you."

Turning attention back to wolf, I smile devilishly. 'Well if the cops come out, I have them wrapped around my fingers." Points over to Tango and Martin. "Those two men are the ones responsible for this town and when it comes to women, they are always taking them down to the jail or pulling them over. Not because they are breaking the law either." Winking at him, I am sure he will get the point.

"If it is the security guy, I'll just have to work my charms on him and who knows that might be fun. Then again who knows maybe you will personally see to correcting me since I didn't call you first since you asked."

Seeing HB come up to the bar, I smile. "You better sit down before you fall down there HB. You look like you could collapse at anytime. Maybe you should rest in the spa room before heading all the way home. Would not want you to get in a wreck on your way home."

Evidently you knew a lot of the people in here. I smiled at the jokes, one caused a chuckle. Both eyebrows  rose in unison as a kid goat bleated and darted first under one table and then another. It was funny to watch the antics of the two.... "Never a good idea chasing a goat ... It's either a game or they think they are about to be eaten alive."

Eyes followed your direction and grinned at your retort to Covams, Then I was listening to you talking about the two guys, Tango and Martin, smiling as you gave me that wink.  " Ahhh really now ... "  I lifted the drink to my lips and took a long slow sip " I'm sure that could very well happen, sexilicious .... Correction and a little discipline never go amiss sexi.... Especially if it is a deserved correction."  I was about to say more but then you  turned to hb and I just fell silent and sipped at my drink  smiling and listening to sexi.

Listening to sexi talking, the  concern for hb's well being in her voice I nodded once as she finished talking to hb .... I stood from the stoll and tapped sexi on the shoulder lightly. "I'll see you when you deliver the grass cutters sexi .... until then be safe." I smiled and turned to go home.

Fresh and relaxed, I step inside the Bar & Grill looking around to see if Brandy is in the room ar somewhere else. I see no trace of her, so I move to the bar where Old Joe is cleaning the glasses, as usual.

"Hey Joe! Have you seen Brandy today!?"

"Maybe she's in the office....go take a look!"

I wave my hand toi thanks him and lead for the place where I hope to finally find the busy Queen of the Bar. The door is not locked and slowly, I open it, taking a look inside the room just to seen Brandy taking cares of some orders for alchool and other suff the bar is in need, as usual.

"Hey Barandy, you got some time for an old friends!?" I ask, walking inside the room and closing the door behind me.

"Don't need to ask for that....what's up, HB!?"

Sitting on the chair right in front of the desk, I unrool the poster I had under my arm and show it to Brandy


then, I introduce the contest I had planned to her.

Everyone can join it and the rules are simple. You can chose a song you like and rewrite the text, just to sing it on the stage of the Bar & Grill and when any contestant have done to singing his song, a jury selected between the crowd will claim the winner.

I walk over to HB  hanging up the poster and admire his art work.

"That's a brilliant poster HB"   I read it with interest, then take a pen  and add  mine & Jayc's name to list.

"I like this idea ,  I think we could make up some great words to a song & make it relevant to Achat game, Forum, or The Square. Count us in, I hope the Cocks N Roses  know all the tunes for us."

HB grins back and adds his own name to the list. "I'm sure they will."

"I best go tell Jayc the good news," I giggle.  "I hope he's been practising his singing scales!"

HB tells me his idea for the song contest.

"That sounds great HB, " I tell him.  "Love the poster.  Hang it on the notice board and add  my name to the list."

HB starts to smile, "What song are you going to sing?" he asks

"I have no idea, "  I tell him, "but one things for sure, I wont miss out on a good knees up."

HB leaves my office and a short time later, I see him at the notice board with Stone. 

"Should be an interesting night," I muse to myself.

The room is quite packed for the "AB&G has got talent Song Contest"

Old Joe is sitting at the front of the stage with a desk and a jug of beer instead of water and  X factor type buzzers.  He had playfully put Simon's name in front of his seat. To his left is the cyborg J2D2  with a wig on - Scary Spice,   A dwarf - Doc   with another wig - Cheryl Cole  and Dopey dressed like a Leprechaun - Louis Walsh. 

The bar is packed and cheering the contestants on.

Happy & Bashful in tuxedos looking very smart, enter The Stage to introduce Hentaiboy's Song Contest -  The AB&G Has Got Talent. 

In their best Geordie accents, they introduce the first Act ....

Brandybee  and  her rendition of 

Culture Club - “Karma Chameleon"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw 

I appear on stage looking like a drag queen version of Boy George



The music starts and I begin to sway and dance ...     " Are you ready?"   I shout to the audience.  They cheer & whoop & whistle back ..

"Well here it is ....    Achat  Style ...  "    I giggle into the mic.     Everyone waits & then  the Cocks N Roses play the intro and I get ready to sing ...

I change the mic for a Penis shaped one -  Bright lime green ...  and start to sing...

Achat loving in your eyes all the way
As I listen to your sighs I will say

I'm a woman who has convictions
I'm a woman who doesn't know
How to use a contraception
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow

[Chorus:]
Cuma cuma cuma cuma cuma, Cum my sweet man
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow
Loving you is easy as my mouth sure likes your stream
Red- gold, rich cream
Red- gold, rich cream

I hear your wicked words every day
You’re cock is used today, tastes so sweet. I hear you say,

That my love is an addiction
When we cling, Achat love is strong
When I go, I go on forever
You scream along
You cream so long

[Chorus]  Cuma cuma cuma cuma cuma, cum my sweet man
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow
Loving you is easy as my mouth sure likes your stream
Red- gold rich cream
Red- gold rich cream
----
Every day is like survival, survival
You're my lover, my urge is primal
Every day is like survival, survival
You're my lover, my urge is primal

---  instrumental ---  Where I felate the mic seductively

I'm a woman who has convictions
I'm a woman who doesn't know
How to use a contraception
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow

I encourage the audience to join in with the Chorus  -  cuma cuma cuma cuma cuma,  cum my sweet man
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow
Loving you is easy as my mouth sure likes your stream
Red- gold rich cream
Red- gold rich cream
-----
Cuma cuma cuma cuma cuma, cum my sweet man
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow
Loving you is easy as my mouth sure likes your stream
Red- gold rich cream
Red- gold rich cream
------
Cuma cuma cuma cuma Cuma,  cum my sweet man
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow
Loving you is easy as my mouth sure likes your stream
Red- gold rich cream
Red- gold rich cream.
-----
(Fading …) The audience fades with me     Cuma cuma cuma cuma cuma,  cum my sweet man
You cum, I blow
You cum, I blow
Loving you is easy as my mouth sure likes your stream
Red- gold rich cream
Red- gold rich cream. mmmmm


The song ends, I take my bow , wave and clap the audiences participation and then walk off stage, waiting for the next singer to take to the stage ...

I Push the doors open , oh my god ..it looks busy in here , I notice a Woman dressed up just leaving the stage, wow its Brandy! I haven't seen her since we were kids and she's looking as  bubbly and as nutty as ever. The crowd cheering her as she left the stage I wondered what it's all about. I tug at the bottom of my pink dress pulling it down a little as I weave through the crowd towards the bar.

I approach the bar and wait to be served , momentarily distracted from my upcoming evening with Wolf as I notice many faces from my past, unsure if they will recognise me. it's been a few years since I ventured into Crystal Lake and that shabby girl I once was seemed to have disappeared.. .. I catch a glimpse of a poster on the bar and can't help but laugh to myself, I was good at ad-libbing as a kid , dare I give it go ?

Well seen as tonight was a night for stepping into new waters I made my way over to the stage . I spoke to the band who kindly Agreed to play my chosen song and I made my way onto the stage... Oh God what was that ??! A Penis Shaped Microphone.. I laughed ..I was suppose to sing into this thing and keep a straight face. Having been Introduced I Awaited for my Intro .. I had Chosen

Young Guns By Wham

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwzoxMPbFys

"Young Guns"

Hey sucker
(What the hell's got into you?)
Hey sucker
(Now there's something more to do)

Well I hadn't had your mouth around me awhile,
So I greeted you, with a knowing smile,
When you saw that smile upon my face,
You knew I had your diary and you were disgraced.
I said "Down Girl , let's grind and pound!"
you said "Down Boy, Get out of town!"
But in return, all I could say was
"Hey Bitch, just you come and play"

Chorus
Young stud,
Having No fun
Crazy lady  'Shoulda been a nun.
Wise guys realize there's danger in blackmail and lies.
Fuuuck me, wild and free
No tears, no fears, what I want to be.
One, two, take a look at me
Death by masturbating!

Hey sucker,
(What the hell's got into you?)
Hey sucker!
(Now there's something more to do.)

A Horny man? I am out of my head
fuckless nights, on a camping bed
I paddy all the time Like I am one
If your happy as a sappy then you're in for fun.
But you're here
And you're there
Well there's chicks like you just everywhere
Looking back on the ACHAT days?
Well this young stud says Blackmail PAYS!

Chorus
Young stud,
Having No fun
Crazy lady  'Shoulda been a nun.
Wise guys realize there's danger in blackmail and lies.
Fuuuck me, wild and free
No tears, no fears, what I want to be.
One, two, take a look at me
Death by masturbating!

I remember when we had such fun and everthing was fine,
I remember when we use to have a good time,
Covered in slime.
Tell me that's all in the past and I will gladly walk away,
Tell me you're a sappy now,
Turning my back
Nothing to say!
"Hey listen jerk go take a hike,
There's somethin' 'bout your cock I don't like"
"Well sugar I don't mean the things I said"
"Just fuck off outta my way, 'cause I'm seeing red
I've got plans to make, I've got things to buy
And you're wasting time being a creepy guy"
"Hey shut up chick, that's blown my mind,
Just watch your mouth babe, you're out of line"

OoooooH!

GET BACK
HANDS OFF
GO FOR IT![/color]

As the song finished I quickly rushed from the stage, I definitely needed that drink now!

The catcalls cheers and clapping died down to a low murmur, the click oh heavy heels  walking across the wooden floor filled the silence as the heavy set bikie moved to the bar.

“G'Day Joe, Bundy and beer chaser please ” he drawled to the old barman.

“Coming up  Woody” he responded  “what's the paperwork?”

“Just a song I wrote for the contest, BrandyBee made me do it, I no longer resist because she dont give up till I give in, LOL”

The Bikie was dressed in a clean pair of black jeans  black denim shirt and of course his leather vest, and  a new pair of red and black cowboy boots, downing the bundy  he took the beer  and headed for that stage. With a quick word to the band he turns to the microphone stand, tapping it  murmuring “is this thing on?”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, guests  and the rest of you, I going to sing this song for the contest, so keep the noise to a low rumble  and I wont take too much of your  drinking time” he quipped  with a smile.
“Hit it boys”



"The Gambler"  Kenny Rogers. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X7Sx62plCw

On a warm summer's evenin,
In the sexy aChat poker room
Where I met up with an old man.
Quite a lover of cards and dice
He had whores and he had ladies,
He made love and he made babies
He could tell some damn good stories
And give some good advice

He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of readin' people's faces
Knowin' what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind me sayin'
I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta treat the ladies right

You gotta learn how to pick 'em son,
Learn how to lick 'em son,
Learn how to stick 'em son,
between their thighs.
You gotta try not to cheat 'em  much,
Teach 'em too suck and such,
Learn to love and,
Try not to feed 'em
Too much bullshit and lies.


Now, every shagger knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to push away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every touch’s a winner
And every touch's a loser
And the best that you can strive for
Is she climax’s till she sleeps"


And when he finished speakin'
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigarette
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The shagger, he broke even
And in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep

You gotta learn how to pick 'em son,
Learn how to lick 'em son,
Learn how to stick 'em son,
between their thighs.
You gotta try not to cheat 'em  much,
Teach 'em too suck and such,
Learn to love and,
Try not to feed 'em
Too much bullshit and lies.

You gotta learn how to pick 'em son,
Learn how to lick 'em son,
Learn how to stick 'em son,
between their thighs.
You gotta try not to cheat 'em  much,
Teach 'em too suck and such,
Learn to love and,
Try not to feed 'em
Too much bullshit and lies.

You gotta learn how to pick 'em son,
Learn how to lick 'em son,
Learn how to stick 'em son,
between their thighs.
You gotta try not to cheat 'em  much,
Teach 'em too suck and such,
Learn to love and,
Try not to feed 'em
Too much bullshit and lies.

You gotta learn how to pick 'em son,
Learn how to lick 'em son,
Learn how to stick 'em son,
between their thighs.
You gotta try not to cheat 'em  much,
Teach 'em too suck and such,
Learn to love and,
Try not to feed 'em
Too much bullshit and lies.

After Woody's performance and my own furious applause for his efforts, I don the headset mic and hand my music to the boys of the band.
"Wow," I say with a smile "I guess I gotta top that. Hope you like it, folks."

"Seven Nation Army" White Stripes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTpw5XMnJig
The bass pumps first and the drums kick in as my foot taps and my head swings up to sing
I’m gonna take ‘em off (yanking off my waitress apron)
All seven bouncers on here couldn’t hold me back
I’m gonna rip it off (pulling off the bunny top with furious strength)
taking my time while you watch my back (Turning from the crowd)
And I’m rubbing on myself at night (My hands obviously going up and down my body as my knees bend and hips rock)
because it gets me wet
Back and forth through my slit (turning to face the crowd again and lightly smacking my still pantie covered mound)
give it a little pet

And the message comin’ from my eyes says, “Oh, take me Home.” (moving to the edge of the stage)

I wanna hear you shout it
Because it’s party time here at THE BAR AND GRILL
Everyone watch me flaunt it
From the queen of ACHAT to my sweet Blue bell (squatting down and my legs open wide before I yank the last material away)
And if you catch my panties from the stage
I’m gonna serve it to you (Tossing them far)
And I’ll dance it up in your face
let you feel it too

And the feeling coming from your bone says, “Find me a home.” (rolling on the floor and then crawling to the edge with a newbie in my sights. Swinging my legs over his shoulders and grinding in mock cunnilingus until the bridge finishes. to then push him away)

I’m gonna show it all
Fan up my sexy charms on this dance floor (Standing and strutting the stage)
I’m gonna work the pole
Make the sweat drip out of every pore
And I’m writhing, and I’m writhing, and I’m writhing
Making you want more (looking at the crowd between my legs as I lay)
All the guys are gonna think of me
And I will still need more (rolling over and crawling to the edge again like a hungry cougar)

And the stares coming for my ass tell me, “Take me home.”

After the thunderous applauds for Momma's wonderful song its our turn.

 Stone and I take the  stage, Stone sits behind the house piano and begins playing a haunting intro.

We have a story for you all, I am sure some of you old timers have heard of the legend of Roland  for you new folks  have a listen.

Warren Zevon - Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvTv-I2Y390

Roland was a player from the land of the midnight sun
With a big cock for hire, shagging to be done
He found the Achat game on a dark and stormy day
So he set out for Achat city to join the sexy fray

Through 2013 and 14 he played the achat game
With his hand on his mouse knee deep in dames
For days and nights he just wanted more
Roland was a kid in a candy store

Roland the achat shagger
Roland the achat shagger

His comrades  shagged beside him Van owen and the rest
But of all the achat shaggers Roland was the best
So the NSPD decided they wanted Roland dead
That son of a bitch Van Owen blew off Roland's head

Roland the headless  achat shagger

Norway's bravest son
Time, time, time
For another peaceful shag
But time stands still for Roland
'Til he evens up the score
You can still see his headless body stalking through the night
In the flicker light of candle light
In the flicker light of candle light

Roland search nymphomania  for the man who did him in
 He Found him in achat city at the B&G drinking gin
Roland aimed his Thompson gun and didn’t say a word
But blew Van Owen body for here to harlotsburg

Roland the headless achat shagger
Roland the headless achat shagger
Roland the headless achat shagger...... talking about the man
Roland the headless achat shagger



The eternal achat shagger
Still wanders to this day
Now a few years later still likes like to play
In the penthouse the cabin or the terrace or the beach
to this day you never know, that big cock  pose  may well be him you chose



The song over we take our bows and leave the stage for the next contestant.

As Jayc's song ends,   he  throws the mic to me as we finish bowing.

" Its your turn."   He grins at me,  "No buts" he says.

He instructs the Cocks N Roses  while AusWoody, Brandybee & Covems whoop at the side of the stage in encouragement.  "Why do I get the feeling you four just set me up?" I laugh at them.
All put on their best  "innocent, who me?" faces. They knew I had been practising a tune as Jayc had told them all. I was uncertain whether to perform it but it seems the decision had been made for me.

The music begins  and J2D2 suddenly gets up, walks on stage and begins doing a terrific Robot Dance. Even he had been programmed!!

I had little choice so give in gracefully ...  "In for a penny, in for a pound," I tell myself & take a deep breath.

Neil Diamond - Cracklin' Rosie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhumCu3fzMI

Aw, Cracklin' Robot boy, get on board
We're gonna ride
Till there ain't no more to go
Taking it slow
And Lord, don't you know
We'll have me a time with your conversation

Hitchin' on a moonlit night
We can dance here and have a sing along
Maybe a chat
Hello Honey, Want to fuck
No need to say please
‘Cus tonight, you’re just my fuck toy

Oh, I love my Robot Boy
You got the way to make me happy
You and me we go in style
Cracklin' Rob,
You're a store-bought man
But you make me sing like a guitar hummin'
So I hang on to you, boy,
Our song keeps runnin' on
Play it now,
Play it now
Play it now, my Robby  burrrrrrzzz

Cracklin' Robbie, make me a smile
Boy, if it lasts for an hour, well that's all right
We got all night
To set the world right
Find a fantasy that don't ask no questions
Yeah

Oh, I love my Robot boy
You got the way to make me happy
You and me
We go in style
Cracklin' Rob,
You're a store-bought man
But you make me sing like a guitar hummin'
So I hang on to you, boy
Our song keeps runnin' on
Play it now,
Play it now
Play it now, my Robby   whirrrrrr

Cracklin' Robbie, make me a smile
Boy, if it lasts for an hour, that's all right
We got all night
To set the world right
Find a fantasy that don't ask no questions
Ba ba ba ba ba ......  (Then I go in to the finale of the best "Harry met Sally" fake orgasm ever)
yesss yesssssss omg yesssssssssssssssssss
Ye ye yesssssssss, omg   ye ye yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.


Harry met Sally O .... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj988bo2iKM ...  I'll have what she's having... LOL

I look over at AusWoody, Covems, Jayc ... all their jaws are dropped at my amazing acting ...   
Jayc is left wondering , " Does she? With me?... nar..."

J2D2 then offers me his arm as only a Robot Gentleman could and winks at me. Sometimes he seems almost human. The cyborg escorts me off stage, to loud thunderous applause & stamping of feet whilst waiting patiently for the next Contestant to take a turn...