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Sensual Domination.
 
I am a sensual Dominant Alpha-Male and an accidental BDSM story writer, having been asked to write stories for a small contest and also by my partners.
I was asked and pulled into writing reports for a Role Play type newspaper by my then partner at the time.
Initially it was an exciting project but when real life kicked in with the organisers, interest waned and I was left with some reports ready to be published but with no platform.
 
All my articles were and are written from the perspective of a heterosexual Dominant Male which not intended to infer all women are always submissive and all men are always dominant or all people are heterosexual, it is merely my natural bias and personal perspective. I cannot write about other perspectives since I have never experienced them.
 
I spoke to the “Editor” of this RP newspaper and it was a natural progression and agreement to post in forum. After lots of positive feedback, I have continued to post, and answer queries where I can. Most are of sensual domination pics that interests me as the followers of this topic have seen.
 
I believe I was born a Dominant since I have had sexual fantasies involving bondage and urges to dominate women sexually since early puberty.
 
I have practiced Sensual Domination, an erotic genre of BDSM since the age of 16, when at first I thought my sexuality was unique and something to hide.
Luckily, I was naturally confident and began to research the sex I liked. I soon realised the sex I practised and fantasised about wasn’t so bad after all and there are many who practice it or were intrigued enough to try it. My partners enjoyed what I did and helped me grow as a Dominant and I am very confident in my sexuality.
 
I have tried some extreme BDSM practices but as I do not like the painful practices, I tend to steer clear of these type of events or partners. I know what I like so keep to my boundaries. I used to call myself a Pleasure Dom but now use the more correct term of Sensual Dominant.
 
Pain does not turn me on at all. I do like however, giving erotic spankings and do use paddles and whips albeit the most injury I cause are stings and red marks, never cuts.  I also use wax and ice and sex toys to tease in my sexual play.
 
Likewise with Dominant ladies - I do not get turned on. I am naturally Dominant so battling for control in the bedroom is a complete turn off for me and a complete waste of a good room or session.
I’m sure it is probably much the same for the lady concerned as well. Such ladies of course do make great friends and are an abundant source of information.
I have shared many dances and good laughs with Domms I am honoured to call friends and have learnt many things.
 
Always be humble enough to be coachable but confident enough to Dominate your position.





I can only speak of my own experiences which are of a heterosexual alpha male. I
discovered on my life’s journey, there are a huge number of people within the BDSM/Fetish community looking for a more sensual alternative to the mainstream BDSM that involves Sadism – “the Pain is pleasure part.”
 
For many newbie subs and Doms to the BDSM community, Sadism is quite scary and intimidating and they are searching for a more sensual and erotic form of BDSM.
You CAN choose the sides of the kink you wish to practice and it’s perfectly OK to call yourself a Dominant and dislike or steer clear of the more extreme practices of the kink.
If this sensual type of sexual play appeals, then you would, like me, be into Sensual Domination.



Sensual Domination - This is the practice of using contrasting Caressing, Sensual Oil Massage, Kissing, Orgasm Denial, bondage / tying up play, discipline commands, Spanking, Impact Play techniques (using toys and sensual messages in build up to rooms / dates)  and other things or techniques that in some way control one or more partners but where no pain or sadism is involved.
Most are self-explanatory.



Orgasm Denial.
Erotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial, is a sexual practice or sex play in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage. Erotic sexual denial can be another name for or variant of orgasm control.
One form of erotic sexual denial is the reduction or deprivation of all genital stimulation. To ensure a complete absence of genital stimulation, a chastity device may be used as a physical barrier to genital touch or full erection.
 
Edging comes under this but should be used sparingly. It is keeping your partner teetering on the edge of orgasm but doing this too often de-sensitises your submissive and can ruin them sexually, even losing that ability to cum, or taking so long, the sexual excitement has long gone.
 
I have come across a submissive girl who could only cum when her Dominant commanded it. Initially this sounds great, but when that Dominant had moved on or passes away, what then?  To undo such conditioning is a complete nightmare. Personally I do not like such practices and believe the Dominant to be selfish in expecting this from his or her submissive.
 
The beauty of the orgasm should be encouraged and practiced and be a noisy as possible. (Especially in public…LOL.)
 
Erotic spanking
Erotic spanking is the act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties. Activities range from a spontaneous smack on bare buttocks during a sexual activity, to occasional sexual role-play, such as age-play, to domestic discipline and may involve the use of a hand or the use of a variety of spanking implements, such as a spanking paddle or cane. Erotic spankings are commonly combined with other forms of sexual foreplay. The most common type of erotic spanking is administered on the bare buttocks, but can also be combined with bondage, in order to heighten sexual arousal and feelings of helplessness.

Dominant or  Predator (Abuser)
 
There seems to be some widespread misconceptions or confusion about the true nature of the relationship between a Dominant and a submissive.
Hopefully this info will help novice subs to be aware of the pitfalls and avoid the potentially dangerous abusive posers from the legitimate Doms.
 
There are some men online who call themselves “Doms” but really they are only misogynist who want to physically and emotionally abuse women and then sexually use them in the name of “BDSM or Domination.” This is NOT the nature of most Dom/sub relationships AT ALL.



There is a huge difference between domineering (controlling/bullying) and dominant (self-confident) personalities.
 
In fact, controlling, manipulating, bullying personalities are the complete opposite of self-confident personalities.
 
A dominant personality should make you feel at ease with their calm leadership, knowledge and their interest in your needs whereas a bullying/manipulating personality will likely make you feel slightly uncomfortable with their pressure tactics about meeting their own needs and demands.
 
Dominants are NOT angry women haters but domineering, controlling bullies are!
 
So, listen and trust the little voice inside your head. That is you instinct talking to you. 
A Dominant cherishes and adores and can even love his or her sub for “Her Gift” of submission. LISTEN TO IT. 

Through great faith and trust in a Dom, a submissive gives over full control of her body and mind to her Dom.



A Dom does not seize or coerce that submission. It is a decision of free will that a sub chooses who she will hand over control for a period of time (play session or evening). After that time period is over, you both revert back to roles of equals.
 
The role of a Dom is somewhat like a sexual personal trainer who can take you to a place you cannot reach by yourself by pushing you beyond your personal limits safely.
A Dom takes the time to build that trust and rapport with a sub by understanding her sexual interests, past experiences, fears/concerns, kinks/fetishes and limits.
 


Before any play session starts, a good Dom will establish a unique “safe word” to ensure a sub’s safety during a session – a safe word is a word or phrase that uniquely expresses a sub’s need for a Dom to slow down. 

Most use the traffic light system -
Green – Good to go
Amber or Yellow – Proceed with caution
Red or No – Stop immediately. Play ends.
 
A Dom takes great care to ensure her physical and emotional safety during a session while still pushing her limits and attempting to blow her mind.
Afterwards, he shows her a great deal of appreciation and affection for her immense trust and for her gift of submission through sensual “aftercare” to soothe her body and mind (For example: cleaning her body with a warm towel, a soothing bubble bath, washing her hair or a warm oil massage).
 
What to look out for:
 
1.  If a Dom demands you to call him Sir or Master at a first meeting, he may be a poser (or very formal, very rigid or self-important)!
The first meeting should be a meeting of equals who are trying to determine if there is a common foundation of interest, fit and chemistry to pursue a potential D/s relationship – No sex or BDSM play is involved.
ONLY after a sub has chosen to give herself to a Dom must she refer to him as Sir or Master.
(In real life, common sense must prevail - First meetings should ALWAYS be in a public location and most commonly, no D/s play or sex is involved.)
Online or RL - No personal information is exchanged.
 
First meet is purely an initial screening meeting to assess mutual compatibility. If he says at your first meeting, “I am your Master now, you are My sex slave. You must fuck me now”, get up and leave! He is a fake and an idiot.
 
2.  If a Dom does NOT discuss your past BDSM experiences, limits, concerns or safe words, he is likely a poser. One of the most important aspects of being a Dom is ensuring a sub’s emotional and physical safety during a session. If he is not discussing your limits, he is not concerned with your safety!
 
3:  If a Dom demands you do sexual acts which are either dangerous to your health (i.e. unprotected sex with strangers) or against your will (i.e. rape/assault), he is likely a poser and/or sexual criminal. All BDSM play should be safe, sane and consensual with predefined limits.
Always listen to the voice in your head about people, your instinct remember?  It is trying to keep you safe and alive.
 
4:  If a Dom says there are an extensive set of rules that you must ALWAYS obey (i.e. at work, at home alone, etc.), he is potentially a poser or just a Dom looking for a 24/7 slave.
For MOST people, BDSM is an escape from their everyday lives and from vanilla sex.
For a newbie, it is NOT usually a 24/7 lifestyle choice.
 
The role of a submissive is most-often a temporary state a woman chooses to take on for a play session or an evening or set time period. After that period is over, you revert to roles of equals.
 
However, there are many women who develop deep emotional connections and great emotional satisfaction from serving their Doms over a long period of time together. She may ask her Doms to be “owned” and then become permanent submissives or “slaves”. You need to first define what your limits are and decide if his rules meet your lifestyle needs. If they don’t, - either compromise or don’t do it.
 
5. A Dom should make you feel calm and at ease, not nervous and uptight. For example: causing angst by asking you to send nude pics; making you feel guilty by refusing a hard limit. 
If there are alarm bells going off in your head, DO NOT IGNORE THEM…It’s you instinct again.  The voice in your head represents thousands of years of evolutionary instincts trying to keep you safe and alive. It is ALWAYS right. ALWAYS listen to it! Politely excuse yourself to the toilet and then quietly head to the exit door and don’t look back!
 
6. There will also come a time in a D/s relationship, when a sub will probably transgress from the agreed relationship rules and usually a punishment is required and expected.
The rules however should be clear in the first place. If not then make them crystal clear so there are no misunderstandings.
The punishment should also be appropriate to the transgression and repeats will attract a bigger and bigger punishment.


 
The relevant offence(s) should be pointed out and the punishment assigned and carried out. It is not fair or right to expect either the Dom or the Sub to be a mind reader.
A Dom expects honesty and openness from his sub. In turn she expects Him to look after her physical and mental wellbeing.
Communication is important between both.
If this is not followed, then it is a fine line between sulking, hostility and mental abuse.  It is the Dominant’s responsibility to ensure there is no abuse. If there is, the submissive has every right to walk away, return her collar and consider herself a free agent once more. The Dominant in such behaviour is showing himself unworthy of her submission and her submission after all is a Great Gift.



Hopefully, you now have a few ways to discern the difference between a Dom and the potential women abusers… it’s not an exhaustive list but I hope this helps. Be safe and enjoy your kink.