Janine’s Dungeon

I agree completely. Where I was going with my argument is that the submissive needs to remember they should be as active and important part of the scene as the Dominant.

Yet I have heard submissives state that they figure they just need to submit and Mistress/Master will take care of the rest.

And since AChat's format is so geared towards that kind of communication it seemed like a good topic to start with.

*sigh* All too true, and yet I remember my jaw dropping when what I had thought was a fairly intelligent submissive tell me how she met a Dom, and let him take her to his place on their first meeting. Didn't call anyone to tell them where she was going or anything.

So Janine's Safety Tip #1. Always have your first meeting in a public place. Many BDSM communities have what are called “munches” where you have groups of people who are all in the Lifestyle. They are great because it can be nice to have a group of people who all have their own kinks and fetishes, but they are also a place where you can meet a new Dominant/submissive.

If that's not an option for you it still needs to be somewhere public. Sure they may have seemed wonderful online, but some of the most skilled predators often are. The horror story I heard from my Mentor was of a woman she knew who followed a guy she met online to a hotel, and after she let him tie her up he raped her, for hours, and so violently she suffered permanent physical damage (colostomy bag).

Safety Tip #2. Let someone know where you are going. While the submissive I mentioned up top managed to come out okay, the horror story I mentioned obviously didn't. You don't necessarily need to use words like Dom and sub when setting this up with a friend since in this day and age people meet on the net all the time. Just let them know where you are going, and do not change from that plan. Preferably at all  since someone could give wrong addresses and the like, but at least call with any changes.

A subsection of that is the safety call. Set up sometime with the person who knows where you are going to call you. You say one thing they know you are all right, you say another they know to call the cops and have your last known location to give them.

It may seem paranoid, but it does happen, so don't let it happen to you, because those who are worth your time will be understanding of those safety measures. Those who aren't are those you should be worried about.

I know that the characteristics that mark me as a Domme were natural parts of my personality before I ever knew what a “Dominant” was. I had them even before I came out of the closet. So for me expressing my Dominance is simply expressing my innermost traits. So much of it is simply inner qualities being codified and set down so those who come later can benefit from those earlier works.

When one starts codes and credos are essential. Domination can be an amazing rush, and in the haze of that rush it's easy to loose oneself, but as you go, and as you grow… well the best way I can put it is that while Sinnnn's post of the Master's Creed was beautiful it was also sort of a “Well Duh” moment to me.

Each statement was true, yet not something I really need to think about.

For me it boils down to responsibility. It's not a very popular word these days, but it is at the heart of what Dominant's do. Responsibility for themselves,and for those who put themselves in the Dominant's care.

All the tools and toys are just that. They are no more the purpose of BDSM then a car is a destination.

Ironman dear, I would suggest that you start by introducing yourself. Maybe telling a little about what you feel dominance is, or what you are looking for in a submissive before you actually start promising submission. One of the more valuable lessons I've had as a Domme is that I can be a perfectly fine Dominant and a girl can be a perfectly fine submissive (or a boy, but not in my case) and we still may be incompatible. There's no fault, or blame, just a natural part of the communication essential in BDSM.

Now Love, I like to give some benefit of the doubt. That's why I first like to reach out to teach, so I can give them a chance to learn how to fully embrace, and enjoy Dominance.