Caristiona. Hi

Hi

I am Caristiona. Boy have I had some awkward moments my first week here. But Ive also learnt a lot and met some nice guys (yes, its possible! Anyway, I decided to stay after much consideration and I feel glad I did, real glad. Ive terminated a rather unpleasant relationship more than a year ago and had some other problems and now Im kinda drifting. I want a safe place to explore my feelings and sexuality. Both are important and somewhat battered. I like sex a lot, even the kinky stuff or whatever. (Is anal kinky? I feel really oldfashioned saying that … )

Anyway, I dont tend to separate sex and emotions although sometimes I do. I can sometimes want to just fuck without questions. But after all that 'unpleasant stuff' (which lasted for about 2 years before the breakup) and some more unpleasant stuff before that, I do sometimes feel either guilt, fear or a mix of both when having sex, or just allowing myself to enjoy 'just sex'. Im romanticly inclined but not hoplessly so Id like to think. And altho I sometimes like to say porn-stuff when I get laid, Im not really yearning to live life as a 'fuck slut'. I guess Im pretty normal in that matter. I hope so.

So what am I looking for here? Well, I guess I am looking for a virtual relationship, ultimately, which would be a sorta testing ground for getting something moving in realspace again. But it would be valuable in its own right. Im not naive of course, people arent here to get married most of the time. And Im fine with just fuckin from time to time, if I can get myself in a state where I trust the guy (even if its virtual) and keep those battered, messed up feelings on a shelf somewhere in my mind, not allowing them to mess things up more. Does that make sense? Trying to normalize by playing cybergames, haha. I hope the joke is not on me.

I do go out sometimes where I live, and I have been with some guys since the breakup, and it was okay and a bit mixed, and sometimes nice. No earth-shattering revelations there. Im gonna write a diary of sorts about my journey under the Erotic Stories forum and try my best to be responsive to other peoples stories. (Would that be ok, mods?)

So … all new ground for me. It feels good right now. A good way to help me sort out some of the mess in my mind, safely. So I guess I dont need to say: no skype, no pics, no other realspace stuff than what I decide to share and no guarantees either.

Can I sum up this confused post? Well, I guess it would be:

1) Long term hope: Looking for a virtual relationship (with a good man), but patient. Also friendships with men and women, all genders and orientations, very welcome too. In fact, now that Ive explored a bit I do hope for more non-sex chat and interacting in the forum, but realize its also my own responsibility (to find time, set expectations etc)

2) Obviously okay with achat being the “greatest online fuck-community” or whatever the ad says. I like to just fuck from time to time too and I like it dirty sometimes too, but mostly the oldfashioned stuff – including oral and sometimes anal. Maybe mild bondage.  Not anymore.

3) The only realspace stuff/contact I want to give is what I already give, and some of it will be  mixed up with story to protect myself and other people. Respect that. I do the same for you.

As regards (3), Ive already told someone that my stepfather is ill (cancer) and another that I sub in the health sector, but without going into specifics. Theres gonna be more of that in my diary when I get my ass together to begin it in that story section, but the focus is obviously going to be on sex and love. As we all like it

I hope to be treated well here, and I aim to always treat others well, too.

C.

P.S. I guess you can guess why I often set my profile as “talkative”