A variation of the old custom of a Box Social is being discussed in the Events section of the Forum, in the topic “Bachelor Auction”. It reminded me of a story I wrote a few years ago for a historical newsletter I was involved in. The story is not erotic, but I always thought it to be humorus. I would like to share it with you here.
A Box Social
by Covems
'A notable widespread custom of 19th Century America was the “box social”. The ladies of a community, whether settled or frontier, would prepare lunches or suppers for a special event or function, then donate their prepared meals in hampers, or pick-a-nick baskets for auction at the event, to be eaten together in accompanyment with the highest bidder. Monies raised by the “box social” occasions were utilized to build schools, churches or whatever was needed for the common wealfare. In addition, everyone had a good time at these social outings sponsored by the community.
Of course, some bidding was mere pretense, as husbands naturally bid for their wives' baskets and acknowledged beaus secured their lovely intended's culinary efforts. From early Oregon Territory comes a true tale of a “box social” gone awry.
In raising funds to build a church, a local settlement's box social had been only diminuitively successful thus far. Finally, the most beautiful girl in the region offered up her lunch hamper for sale. Her fiance rendered up a very decent and handsome donation for the privilege of sharing the tasty treats with his beloved, a generous bid that brought smiles and some hand claps from the beaming, approving townsfolk.
Wandering into town at that very moment, a lumberman from the woods, espying the damsel and judging the opportunity, immediately upped the bid of the gallant beau. A stunned silence greeted the bid. However, the rudeness of the logger was quickly excused as the surprised townspeople realized he was, after all, a stranger and unknown in these parts. The somewhat flummoxed suitor, regaining equilibrium, entered into the jist of the situation and good naturedly bid higher for his sweetheart, as local inhabitants surreptiously attempted to explain to the stranger that the belle was bespoken for by his competition. Nonplussed and undaunted, fingering his hard won wages in his pocket, the lumberman bid higher again. Flushing red, the now angered suitor bid higher yet. Now, laughably beyond any control, and reverting to true human nature some townsfolks badgered and egged the logger on while others exhorted the suitor. The bidding rose astronomically higher and higher until the lumberman bid all his wages, which totally eclipsed the other's capacity to compete. The girl and her luncheon “box social” were won by the stranger and a goodly sum collected for the building.
The girl, however, was frustrated, enfuriated and humiliated! She now had to share her specially prepared hamper with this muscle bound gorilla. Her light of love had lost the bidding. Well, though custom required that she share the lunch with the logger, no convention stipulated that she had to TALK TO HIM! Settling down on the green grass of the town's common square, the famished lumberman proceeded to demolish the hamper's delicacies, with some small polite talk in between gorging. The girl merely picked at the meal, totally offended by the uncouth BARBARIAN! Her heart was broken. She was not now enjoying this painstaking preparation with her TRUE LOVE! She was also somewhat miffed that her love had not smashed this APE in the nose.
Finally, unable to bear her own silence and the lip smacking noises of the woodsman, she burst out, “You have ruined me! You have destroyed my happiness. I HATE you!”
Slowly, pensively, the logger finished the last delicately fried chicken piece, put down the bone, and looking the girl full in the face, proceeded to tell exactly what he thought of a female that did not adhere to the “social” part of the box social, using words, expressions and language only a hard working lumberman would know, totally unfit for dainty ears, or anyone's.
Hot tears flowed freely from the girl's eyes as she fled to her home from her justified and REAL humiliation. Three months later, she married the logger.'
“Ah, Woman, Mystery is Thy Name!”
