Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)

[anniethyme]

Dear Readers,

In my visits to AChat Land, I see that people are always confused and have many questions. I see that maybe they can benefit from the wisdom of a woman of my… experience. So, I offer to accept any questions (not too naughty, you bad boys) in my mailboxes or posted below and maybe I will have an answer or some kindly advice for you.  All for free!

Granny Annie

FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions
Real questions, real answers. Please read them all before you post your question, so that I don't pull all my hair out of my head from the repetition. Thank you.

Q: Hi. How are you?
A: I'm good. You?
Q: Good. I'm good too.
A: Good, I'm glad to hear that.
Q: That's good to know.
A: Ok…. good.

Q: Annie, are you really 91?
A: YES!
Q: Really?
A: Yes. Why would I lie.
Q: Some people do.
A: No, everyone is so truthful here. Such nice young men and women.

Q: Wow. You look good for 91. What's your secret?
A: Facials. Sea salt is good for the skin.

Q: I'm horny. Are you horny bb?
A: No, I'm not horny. Unless you have a hot tub full of mashed potatoes.

Q: Hi. HRU? I want your body.
A: And I want a pretty, pink pony.

Q: What are you looking for here?
A: A unicorn.
Q: What that?
A: Something I'll never find.

Q: Where are you from?
A: The fourth level of hell. You?

Q: Hi. Where those awesome boobs from?
A: I bought them at Wal-mart. Thanks.

Q: Hi Annie. 35, Female here. You?
A: Hi. 91, Gorilla here.

Q: Hi. I want to fuck you hard, granny.
A: Are you trying to kill an old woman??? My bones are fragile.

Q: I can be gentle and slow. Ok?
A: No, I am scared you will give me a heart attack.

Q: You like big cock?
A: Are you trying to kill an old woman? Maybe if it shrinks, you can ask again.

SAQ: Seldomly Asked Questions

Q: Hi. How are you? You want young cock?
A: No thanks, dearie. I have 3 in the dresser drawer already.

Q: Does it have spiderwebs on the pussy?
A: On the inside, yes.

Q: Annie, why are your eyes white?
A: It's cataracts, dear. From the dictionary (an old book with words in it):
cat·a·ract noun ˈka-tə-ˌrakt medical : a condition in which a part of your eye (called the lens) becomes cloudy and you cannot see well

Q: You can orgasm at your age?
A: When I am premium, yes. This man show me how. Robot Boy, such a nice young man. So polite.

Q: And you are sexually active?
A: Use it or lose it, dearie.

Q: I want you but I would not know how or what to do with you.
A: Go to the library and find a book about it. I find that is the best way to learn new things if your parents did not tell you.

Q: I bet you give a good blow job?
A: Well, men like the “gumming”, they call it. Just have a glass of water ready on the bed table for my teeth please.

Q: You like BBW?
A: I think big, bald women are beautiful, but they may crush my bones.

Q: Hi. Can we play?
A: A game?
Q: Yeah
A: How about cards? Do you know Gin Rummy?
Q: Cmon and accept. My cock is erect now.
A: I have to pee. Can I pee on you?
Q: Yes
A: Alrighty then.

Q: Still horny at your age?
A: Yes, when I watch Kanye West sing.

Q: Do you have Yahoo messenger?
A: Yes, but I forgot how to use it. I”ll ask my grandson.

[Brandybee]

Dear  anniethyme,  ( Granny Annie )

I'm so glad you joined our Forum Village. Big Welcome.
I hope you stay around and post your views and ideas as you mosey around the village.

quote
Q: I'm horny. Are you horny bb?
A: No, I'm not horny. Unless you have a hot tub full of mashed potatoes.
unquote.

bb? I'm a little concerned that people are mistaking me for you. I am a little younger, have a hump back, webbed toes, hooked nose and warts … of course I work out and shovel the make up on so my pic always looks good from my best angle. The hat and pushing away from the wall with my ass slightly protruding takes the focus away from the afflictions, dont you think?

Anyway, I digress.  I have this compulsion 3 times a year. There's no cure but I just need to talk about it.  I have to ask people to vote. It overwhelms and eventually dies down naturally till the next time…
Its happening again as we speak, its building  ….  and ….

Please read and vote in Erotic Story Contest. It shows support for our little contest and the efforts of all our fine Achat authors.
Heres the link …

Forum Home Page > Organizations & Events > Contests > “CHEATING & INFIDELITY ” THE STORIES.  EROTIC STORY CONTEST 8  https://funnyadultgamesplay.com/forum/index.php/topic,3466.0.html 

and please vote  on the theme that inspires you for our next contest

Forum Homepage > Organizations & Events > Contests > EROTIC STORY CONTEST 9 – O.T.  https://funnyadultgamesplay.com/forum/index.php/topic,3467.0.html

Big sigh,  see.  I'm ok again now …  well till the next at least.

Have fun Granny Annie,  no doubt we will see each other in passing …  Have you been to the AB&G?  Old_Joe will serve you with a free first drink and may even chat you up… I think he likes sea salt baths…

Brandybee  (Aka BB  )

[anniethyme]

Dear BB,

I am sorry to hear that I am getting requests that are meant for you, dearie. Shall I redirect them to ask you instead? That might take up much of our time, since there are so many that say “bb”.  I had no idea you got around that much. Obviously, any afflictions you have are not noticed, so keep on doing what you're doing, dearie.

As for your complaint…
Is it hurting you or anyone else?
It seems to be a seasonal compulsion, so you know how long the episodes will last. If no one is hurt, it seems harmless enough. If it does cause you discomfort, I can only suggest that you find some home-made, natural remedies to help with the symptoms. If it becomes unbearable, then ask a trusted friend to chain you to the bed. Despite any discomfort,  I think it also brings you great pleasure. That is what we call a 'fetish', dearie. It's no great shame to have one, I'm sure most people do. Some women like to solicit for gifts, but you solicit for votes. You may be an advocate for compulsory voting, even, and I think that you have good intentions and want the views of all people represented in the choices available to them.

It will be best for you to accept that you have a fetish, or you may even be proud of it and announce it to the world. Or go with a slogan like, “Rock the Vote!”

[img]https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRUzhgX3iStRzG2pCEYGBhsb7xClDr5byKQIoLC9_RPV6J2GeJACw[/img]

Good luck to you, dearie. And I submitted my vote, as you asked.

Love,
Granny

[jingerbird]

Dear Granny,

I hope you can help me. My Lover has recently bought a black BMW car. He openly tells everyone how his car is better than sex. It has really knocked my confidence. I love him so much but it hurts when he compares his car to me in front of his mates. I have asked him to stop but he says its only a little bit of fun and I'm being too sensitive. It makes me so angry when he says that my ass is bigger then Angelina's (the car).

Please help Granny. I don't know what else to do

Love Jinger

[anniethyme]

Dear lovely Jinger,

Ohhhhh. So he has an Angelina? Well… there's only one solution I see for this.

Get yourself a Brad!

Go down to the Jaguar dealership and find the hottest RED car that you can  (Best if you can use his finances or can take a loan.) Everyday you must say how beautiful it is and rub it with a chamois cloth as you bend over it, showing your ass cheeks falling out of short-shorts. Take it out to dinner alone. Brag about how new and shiny it is, while joking that you are such a Cougar.  I suggest this one:

The 2015 Jaguar F-Type Coupe

Drool at its apple-colored rear end.

Alternately, if you can't afford a Jaguar, then buy a real fixer-upper that requires a lot of your time, money, and visits from the young mechanic at Goodyear, Fernando.

He didn't want to get his clothes dirty.

Good luck and tell me how it turns out, dearie.

Love,
Granny

[Galavant]

Dear Granny Annie,

I am a strapping young lad named Galavant. I have a square jaw, perfect hair and cojones out to there. Some say I am a hero for all the nice deeds I do. One tiny problem would arise. My sword will not stand up for any young maiden of the land. It seems I desire a mature woman of experience. I do not know where to find such a Queen. Once I do, how would I seduce her?

Your Hero,

Sir Galavant

[anniethyme]

Sir Galavant,

You do sound like quite the knight in shining armor, rescuing damsels from dragons and kings. If you are looking for something that is not in your area, you must travel outside of your comfort zone.

Go on a hero's journey! A quest for a Queen.

First, get yourself a sidekick, or in modern terms they call it a wingman. Make sure he is smaller than you and dorky. You might lose him along the way though.
[img]http://thebacklot.mtvnimages.com/uploads/2015/01/galavant-102-jsasse.jpg?quality=0.7[/img]

Second, make sure you have a sweet ride.
Either this,

or this

Third, get a map, close your eyes and let your finger land on a spot to let fate decide where you shall travel to. Try this one:

So, good luck on the beginning of your journey. When you arrive and find a Queen, write me again and I'll advise on seduction.

Love,
Granny

p.s. I hear that enchanted apples are best, if you find one.

[FoxyRoxxy]

Hi  Granny  welcome to the  forum..

I would like to ask you why do men  have three things on there mind when we women  have twelve

I know we women  are creative thinkers  … do you think this is true or just a myth

                                                                                                                                        Thank you

                                                                                                                                          Roxxy

[anniethyme]

Dear Foxy Dearie,

Thank you for the warm welcome.

I think it is TRUE. But of course, it is a generalization, there are always exceptions to the rule.

Let me show you how the space in a male's mind is occupied:

You can see that there is simply not room for much else., because as studies have shown, the male usually has a fragile ego and must be fed constantly.

Now, whereas, a woman has her own insecurities, but also prioritizes her numerous duties.

I hope this helps you to visualize the maze of the human minds.

Love,
Granny

p.s. I suspect shemales would be somewhere in between but we will need to have them comment on it.

[bluedenim]

Hi Annie Thyme,
I come here to Achat to play all my fantasies out.

I like being spanked and restrained and sucking men's cocks, but everyone want's to fuck me up the ass, what should I do?

Yours submissively

Blu

[jayc]

Hi Annie Thyme,

please help me with this question, it keeps me up at night and i need to know.

Is the theory of cosmic inflation correct, and, if so, what are the details of this epoch? What is the hypothetical inflation field giving rise to inflation? If inflation happened at one point, is it self-sustaining through inflation of quantum-mechanical fluctuations, and thus ongoing in some extremely distant place?

Thanks in advance

Jayc

[tangoracer]

Hi Annie

I have a great wonderful lover but she is the biggest flirt and all the men love her and wont to be with her.

I keep her very happy (in the bed room ) so I can't help wondering if I'm good enough for her.

What can I do to stop her flirting so much

Yours forever hopeful Tango

[anniethyme]

Dear BlueDenim Butt,

Yes, this is addressed to the butt. You know, the one that I am staring at in the picture under your letter. The one that enjoys the spanks. The one that makes the waist bend in order to show off all its assets. You.

Stop teasing us with those luscious cheeks!

But I hate blaming the woman for the problem, so let us look at this epidemic in general.

Anal Intercourse

Back in my day, this was a hush-hush subject that was only shown in Greek porn and amongst poor shepherd boys. Nowadays, all manner of persons are hoping for it. I have done much research on this and gathered some findings of possible explanations for this epidemic.

1. It's a trend.  I'd like to assure you that this trend too, shall pass, but if it does, something worse will replace it.

Ridiculous Male Trends of the Past:
Blond Highlights                              The Man Purse                               Sparkling Vampires
       

2. Men who wish for it are subconsciously gay

3. Men always want what they can't have. They like the challenge. They want to pursue. They want to ask you, but they don't want you to give it away, they must earn the right for it, so they can feel a sense of accomplishment and control over your submissive blue denim ass.
Except this guy. He got what he wanted.

4. As our current Lyricist Laureate, Taylor Swift, opines, “Boys only want love when its torture.” This doesn't specify who is feeling the torture or how its done. Maybe the boy is tortured by your sweet cheeks. Maybe you are tortured by the pain because he didn't take months to prepare you for his intended actions. Maybe both. Who is to say? Hear the riff: https://www.riffsy.com/view/sriff/3571262.riff

Now that we've examined the possible reasonings and motivations for the requests, I hope you can make a well-informed decision, dearie.

Love,
Granny

[anniethyme]

Dear Tango,

I suggest you invest in one of these, wooden X frame thingies.

That will stop that hussy for sure!
Enjoy!

Love,
Granny

[amourcherry]

Dear Granny

Help:

Why do some guys think it’s OK to force your head while you’re giving them head?
Why do guys feel threatened by vibrators, but no woman is intimidated by a flesh light?
Is to much masturbation bad for you?
Why do women care about penis size when about 75 percent only get off from clitoral stimulation?

and

I fantasize about my frineds husband
I feel guilty but I cant stop this craving I have for him
what should I do. I would not hurt my friend ?

Tormented with desire

[Author]

Posts