Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)

[anniethyme]

Oh Marilyn,

I found a new possible design for menswear, from Rick Owens new SS15 collection.

Love,
Granny

[jingerbird]

I get a new Brad….OMG what more can I ask for? Need to do my happy dance!

[stacy_strong]

I have done BAD,MAD and INSANE thinhs,maybe you can tell me,can that all be forgiven ?

[anniethyme]

Dear Stacy,

Forgiveness depends on the giver. Who do u seek it from?  The injured people? Your parents? A higher spirit?

Have you forgiven yourself?

And then there is the follow-up issue: can all be forgotten?
You may not have a clean slate, but you can move forward and strive to be a good, good girl.

Love,
Granny

[Tommy_72]

Dear Granny Thyme,

Along with others who have posted on this thread, I can only marvel at the lucidity and wisdom of your responses to such a diverse and tricky range of questions! Are you possibly of Chinese/Welsh ancestry? For i see a direct lineage from Confucious through Bertrand Russel to yourself, in the analytical brilliance of your thought!

I have so many questions of my own, I hardly know where to begin.

First – where ARE you? I pray you have not slipped off this mortal coil, and are still with us!

Second – WHERE did you find a picture of a haggis on LETTUCE??! This image struck horror into my Celtic eyes – the lettuce was not even battered! This does indeed suggest the presence of wormholes and the like through which parallel universes may be reached, where such hideous possibilities, although perverse to our eyes, may in fact be commonplace, and I dare say might even be considered 'normal'.

Third – mystifyingly, some of my friends don't like haggis, and I always end up over-buying, and then my good lady wife and I are left with a surfeit of the damn things after every Burns' Night. Can you give me two or three suggestions for non-culinary uses one can put a haggis to?

Yours faithfully,

Tommy

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna fuck the fear turkey

https://youtu.be/c9PVjqw2zVQ

[anniethyme]

Dear Haggis-Loving Tommy,

1. I was on Spring Break. Duh…..
[img]https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/bikini-grandmother.jpg?w=650[/img]

2. I went to Google, typed in image search “haggis”, then pointed to the 7th picture result. You should try it sometime. Warning: there are many other pictures of said item atop lettuce. It's called GOOGLE. http://www.google.com is the address. Then go to the image tab. Tell your friends too!

3. Oh yes, dearie. I'm surprised you don't already know some yourself.
If it hardens, it makes a nice rugby ball.

If it hardens, paint a scaley design in green, yellow or red and bring it to a Game of Thrones party as your dragon egg.

And if its still soft, and your wifey is away, its a good flesh-sack. You ever see the movie American Pie? Like that.

Love,
Granny

[Tommy_72]

Dear Granny Thyme,

Thanks for your answers, they were most illuminating. That'll teach me to engage in such flippant tomfoolery!

I hope you had a nice break, despite the arrest. However, I shall steer clear of asking after your wellbeing again in the future! Or of asking foolish rhetorical questions! Indeed, I shall be wary of darkening your advice column again with any of my frivolous nonsense!

I must say that your 'alternative uses' answer was a godsend, though – by sheer coincidence, I'm attending a Game of Thrones themed bacchanal this very evening, and I was stuck for a prop, so your timing was perfect. Purveyor of dragons' eggs I shall be!

Thanks again, Granny Thyme. Take care, and mind your hip joints when bending.

Haggis-Loving Tommy

[AusWoody]

Welcome back Grannie  you were missed
I understand communication restrictions in jail

should have called i would have fronted your bail

[Brandybee]

I would have chipped in too.

I heard you got your hips fixed and taught the inmates the new walk.  Good on ya.

Welcome back home.

[anniethyme]

Tommy,

Never be hesitant to send me foolish questions. Those are the best kinds. I am jealous that I cannot attend said party with you, surely they need a Queen of Thorns. Oh well, let me know how it is.

Woody,

Thank you, dearie. I shall tattoo your # on my palm so its ready if I get booked again.

Brandy,

WHERE DID YOU get that video??? They told me they'd delete it after we had our fun. Damn liars!

Jinger,

Did you get a sausage pizza delivered to you? Oh my, I forgot to tip the delivery guy. I hope he made it.

[Anonymous]

Granny, tell me about the good old days. Did families really bow their heads and pray? Did daddies never go away?

[anniethyme]

Dear Kaitlyn,

Ahhhh the good old days. When men were men and sheep were afraid. When you could put a nickel in the nickelodeon and hear your favorite new song.

Yes, people had to bow their heads and pray on many occasions.

Church:
[img]https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRt2c6-URuuAeOBVCabCNieHt8EymDWGmDmTg7ROduugyarBD1l[/img]

Knightings:

Baseball Games:

French Revolution:

As for daddies never going away, well…. daddies did not stay at home and be Mr. Mom, no.

So they had to go away often. Usually just to work for the day, either in a factory or office.

Sometimes on long trips. Especially if he was a sailor, in war time. They couldn't wash their clothes often.
[img]http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTA2OVgxNjAw/z/yFEAAOxyVaBSxgoM/$_1.JPG[/img]

And sometimes they go out to the doctor and never return. But then a 2nd mom comes home instead.
[img]http://i1.wp.com/radaronline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/bruce-jenner-transformation-pp-2.jpg?fit=551%2C9999[/img]

Ah, the good ole days.

Love,
Granny

[jayc]

Dear Granny,
Doing a little digging into your past, I have learned you hosted some epic dinner parties back in the day. In my research I came upon these amazing photos. Could you please tell us readers what transpired that night when you broke bread with 3 of the most extraordinary men of our time? Alice Cooper, Colonel Harlan Sanders and Vincent Price. 

The Colonel and Alice

“My real name is Vincent too.”

[AusWoody]

GRANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!  get back here we're lost without your advice

[Author]

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