Elio_. Hello and Goodbye. Homophobia and toxic heternormativity

[Elio_]

Hello all,

my name is Elio – not in real life, but in this game.

I wanted to basically tell you about my experience in this game and want to say good bye on the same occasion.

I am gay, maybe bisexual, I still don’t really know it myself.
And maybe you will say: Lol, of course he is a faggot – or any other word you learned from your grandparents while visiting some markedly manly festivity like wrestling where two sweaty guys grunt and choke each other lol – You will maybe say: Of course he is one of THOSE because he gets all whiny and whimsy about something so profane.

And guess what: If you say so, you are part of the problem.
I don’t care what you think about it.
I will not answer anything anyway.
And if you feel addressed by the following rant, you for sure know that you did something wrong.

I wandered through the rooms here, at the beginning shy as if this was a party where you were invited by accident and try to catch up to anyone who seems as alone as yourself. And first of all: It’s okay if you don’t want to talk, but please just tell that in a nice manner and please respond to a greeting with a little Hi or Hello too.

What seems weird too is that especially – and irl I had quite the different experience, since toxic masculinity is still common and widely accepted in our world – especially women ignored my approaches or called me names, mocking me for my sexuality or for everything else I never chose to be, but became.

I really expected more empathy, especially from some women (although I met some rather genuine, strong girls who I wish nothing but the best for) since you know how it is to not have the same status as the other gender in society because this world was crafted by white, old men throughout centuries.

Some of you don’t know how it is to grow up feeling like a mistake of nature and having no place where you can go without being constantly reminded that you are not normal. And yes: Maybe I get too bitter about all this.

I just wanted to chat a bit since there are not many opportunities around where I live to get to meet people during this corona times.
I don’t want to seem like a r/niceguy who acts sweet while being toxic on the inside. And of course you all can think whatever you want. This place does not treat gay men well.

I have just one example for how it is a new male member to approach people:
It was in the city, there were three people standing at the railing. I came near since I thought I already talked to one of them who seemed kind of nice back then.

Elio_: Hello, Angie
Elio_: Hi, Lynne too and Hi Tych0
AngieXX: hello
Elio_: I think I spoke to you the other day?
Lynne95: is that a guy on your cock…or is it u on his

Lynne appearantly got aware of one of my poses which shows two man having sex with each other. Be aware that she didn’t greet me at all and just asked the question. And now imagine me walking up to a woman asking: Is that a cock you suck there? Wouldn’t that seem kind of offensive? It’s the same heteronormative bigotry.

Elio_: What?

I didn’t really understand it at first.

AngieXX: must have been memorable
AngieXX: lol
Tych0: wait… what did i return to? sitting on cocks… where?
Lynne95: yep i was right lol
AngieXX: lol
Elio_: I have alzheimer’s maybe, good thing is I am easily surprised that way

This my response referred to the memorable-line of Angie.

Elio_: What cock?
AngieXX: whats that useless piece of skin on te end of the dick called
Elio_: For4e
AngieXX: a man, lol

Is this joke supposed to be funny? What if I said: What’s the useless thing surrounding a cunt? Haha… Yes right: a woman?
Again , it hurts you. Maybe I am a whimsical idiot and not tough enough for this time and this medium internet. But guess what: I don’t care. I don’t want to dull like apparantly so many of you already did.

Lynne95: check out his scenes….

Now I realised what she meant and you see by the shaky response that I was really angry.

Elio_: Wow. You are almos
Elio_: t
Elio_: as funy as colon cancer
Lynne95: i have W.H.T.
Elio_: Okay
AngieXX: what a nice guy, and i bet hes wondering why he cant get laid lol
Elio_: No
Lynne95: *gropes angies fine arse
AngieXX: lol

I am not made to insult people. Sometimes I just say stuff like the following to maybe get them to think about their behaviour.

Elio_: You started being mean
Lynne95: see told u
Lynne95: Wandering Hand Trouble
AngieXX: bye fucktard 🙂

Tych0: not that way Elio… this way *spanks angie’s fine arse*
Lynne95: hey tych
Lynne95: hands off
AngieXX: stinging the cup killer, lol
Tych0: i only used the palm lynne
Elio_: You are just mean
Lynne95: lol

Then I left.

Of course everyone reading this can think what they want. Look out for other clues. Maybe I am just a big liar. Quote Bill Burr or Ricky Gervais who are white heterosexuals to prove that I am just too easily offended. I really don’t care anymore. I just hope that maybe one of you thinks a bit further. There is nothing more worth than empathy in these troubled times.

Keep safe and away from the idiots. Expect to be surprised and deceived and embrace every sweet moment.

God be with you (or who/whatever you else believe in)

[Corina_33]

Welcome in Achat Elio. About your experience…you have to get used to it because there are a lot of bad people here. And racists and homophobes..and..and..and.. Tc of you and just ignore them ! Good luck !

[Booboofinger]

Hey Elio, as a straight male, I have to say you are completely right, and I apologize for all the jerks you met around here.

This should not be a place to pass judgment on anyone. If you are not into it, say no thanks and walk away.  I have no idea what the gay perspective is here, but as a male, and someone who is very much into D/s I felt some too.

Noting to the degree you have, but the lesson is still the same. People forget there other human being behind the avatars here. It does not surprise me because people sometimes forget there is humanity behind everyone we meet in the real world too.

I know it sounds cliché, and probably brings very little comfort but just know it's them, not you.

[Tift]

Dear Elio,

do not let the prejudices of a couple of the stupid people get you down or drive you away from achat so easily.  There are a lot of them about but the overwhelming majority of people on here are decent people

You must draw strength from ignoring the minority of prejudiced morons and be proud of who you are.  I have been called nigger, paki and chocco all because I have a darker skin colour.  It is hurtful but it shows, like the homophobes, how small-minded, pathetic and ignorant those people are.  They are everywhere just do not let the idiots grind you down, be yourself and stay where you are.

with a hug from Tift

[Soniaslut]

Elio.

It's always sad to read posts like yours…in my 8 plus years at Achat I've read far too many of them.
I hope that some of the comments posted previously may give you a change of heart, but don't blame you in the slightest if you do decide to leave.
Just remember…it's you that is leaving, not small-minded, big-mouthed bigots that are driving you away.

Tycho, I'm very surprised you didn't step in to quell this before it got out of hand. I thought I knew you better. Perhaps not.

Elio, all I can say is that Achat is and always has been biased towards heterosexual males. Heterosexuality in general, in fact.
This is apparent everywhere, you don't even have to look hard to find it.
This in my opinion encourages certain attitudes and behaviours towards anyone not able to be pigeonholed neatly into the desired “norm” to be seen as acceptable by some fools.
It isn't. Everyone understands that.
Unfortunately some people take advantage of the bias and lack of any proper moderating presence as licence to behave in a manner that is, in reality and should be here, inadmissable.
There are far too many of these type of people here at Achat and they ruin the game not only for other members but also bring shame on the game as a whole.

All I can say is Ignore the narrow-minded, sexist/racist, loud-mouthed cretins that choose to demonstrate their intolerance and ignorance in such a way and stick to the good people here, of whom there are many.
(I'm not included in the above statement, by the way…I'm well-known for ripping the piss out of people…though at least mine is based on humour, not hatred).

Maybe you'll change your mind, Elio, and Ignore ignorant cunts who display attitudes that are socially and morally unacceptable.
I hope you do.

If you decide to quit…may the road rise up to meet you.
Be safe and take care.

xx00xx

[Jordan1]

Hi  Elio_

The above have said it all already. Hope you stay friend.

Jordan.

[JessiCapri]

Hi Elio.

Not sure you are still around but just in case I am going to add my thoughts to what has already been said.

I apologize first off for not seeing and replying sooner.  Your post was brought to my attention by my spouse. No matter. I have read it now.

As a straight female I have not experienced any of what you describe but I have witnessed it.  You would think that on a sex site people would be more accepting of the fact that those with a wide range of interests and kinks would also find their way to such a site.  It is a great way to experiment and learn. 

As a straight submissive to my loving Dominate spouse I have been laughed at for not being bi or gay.  Some even get angry with me because I am not.  Some accuse me of not being so out of homophobia.  I am far from homophobic and it frustrates me being called such things but the moment I try to defend myself it sounds like every other homophobic idiot….so I just let them have their predisposed opinions of me.  They matter little.  They are unaware of the facts that led me to the point of knowing, with strong certainty, that I am most certainly straight.  Whatever that term means now lol

So that is my advice to you.  Let them think what they want.  Hit the ignore button on those you find toxic to your virtual fantasy life and move on.  They matter little.  It may anger them that you are able to enjoy your life without them but that is their issue not yours.  It does not make you small minded it only shows that you do not welcome their brand of toxic into your circle.  Build your life here as you see fit and surround yourself with those that make you smile and/or squirm.

My spouse has already extended an invitation to join us in Winter and I second that invite.

Smiles and Hugs,
Jessi

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