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Introducing a new event to the 2016 Olympics“Sharp Jerking”
COPIED FROM THE ONION.COM
Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands
RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium. “All right, Michael, go get ’em, son!” said Poseidon, who reportedly caused the arena’s windows to rattle and walls to shake as he bellowed and clapped with approval while Phelps stretched next to the pool. “Everybody, that’s my son out there! I love you, Mikey!” Sources confirmed Phelps appeared crestfallen after turning to acknowledge his father before realizing that the King of the Deep had instigated a fight with the parents of Italian swimmer Federico Turrini and impaled the couple on his trident.
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