Funny Valentine poems

[Lover]

You have someone special you want to send Valentine wishes? You don't have someone special, but nevertheless want to send wishes? This is your chance
Post your poem, your little story, a pic or whatever you want here. There is just one rule:

You have to add least 5 of these words/attitudes:

– bad morning breath
– snoring
– farting
– bad manners
– ugly
– old
– gobbling your meal
– stink like hell
– dirty panties/briefs
– scratching your balls
– shattering without break
– drinking alcohol
– bit of snot/booger
– hairy like a monkey
– rotten teeth
– warts in face
– fat
– too stupid to pee in the snow
– I wouldn't fuck you even if you'd be the last person on earth
– puke
– poison
– bad breath
– spare tyre
– slob

Special thanks to jingerbird for your inspiration

[AusWoody]

hmmmm set a huge task

[FoxyRoxxy]

good words to  use I have a few now  how many times can we post   

[Brandybee]

Valentine Be Mine.

I see you in my thoughts and dreams,
Gobbling your meal, how real it seems.
You are hairy like a monkey,
With drool on your chin and… stinkeee 

No one truly knows or understands,
You have my joy in your hands.
You are big and strong, You snore and groan,
You talk in your sleep and moan and drone.

Inside your walls, you are in your prime,
Drinking alcohol, in all your grime.
Others in your life will come and go,
cus scratching your balls is all you know.

I may not be rich or the smartest one,
But I like you so much, you are my sun.
You light up my life every time you call,
When the time is up, I just want to bawl.

You are my stars, you are my shining moon,
I like it with you, my lumbering goon.
So when you sleep, take this to heart,
I will let rip an almighty fart.

No words could ever tell you,
No action could express
The way I feel about you,
With you, my life’s a mess!

There's everything I could say,
And everything I could do
To let you know just how much
Cleaning up you should do.

So smarten up in double quick time,
And come to me, my valentine.

Brandybee.

[Momma_andrea]

Your lips are poison
and your breath is on fire
Your guts atrocious
with a great big spare tire

You try to maul me
and always have your way
My mother warned me
But I didn’t think you’d stay

Now the years are gone
And I see that you’re still here
You empty out my fridge
And you drink up all my beer

kids got used to you
And they even call you Dad
Mother still warns me
But I think even she’s glad

You never beat me
and often times have a job
Unlike my father…
Now there’s a Shit fuckin’ slob

Happy Valentine's Day

[Lover]

I saw you and knew
there is love on first view.

Warts covered all of your face,
rotten teeth were shining like a blaze.
You puked straight on my shirt,
which was ok,
cause also your dress was full of dirt.

You smelled like a pill of shit
and when you threw the bottle away,
my head was frontside hit
and the world around me got grey.

My love for you is endless
and since we've met, I feel so blessed.
I had more money if you were not there,
still had my friends and my mom, she would care.

This happened just 3 months ago
but I already know,
I NEVER let you go.

[tangoracer]

Waking in the morning
To the sound of your snoring
And the smell ofbad morning breath
Opening my eyes I see the warts on your face

As you roll over with a loud fart
That give you dirty panties
And that stink like hell

Resting my arm around you
Your as hairy like a monkey
You smile and show your rotten teeth
As your eyes start to open

And I see your blue eyes
I know I want to spend every
Minute with you in my arms
Happy Valentines my love

[jingerbird]

Some may say you're ugly and old
Scratching your balls such a sight to behold
Your crooked teeth so broken and black
Your face looks like it needs another whack

They say that your farting makes them want to puke
The stench is enough to kill a spook
Your spare tyre wobbles when you walk
Bad breath poisons the room when you talk

Your dirty briefs on the washing line
Only give to the world a radical sign
That you are too stupid to pee in the snow
I can't help agree with them, although…….

You are my world, my night and my day
And since it's Valentines, I just want to say
I shout as I raise my hands to the skies above
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY ONE TRUE LOVE.

MUWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[FoxyRoxxy]

Omg I saw this and had the best laugh in a long time

Know where is my Beer

[Author]

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