Humor in chat

[Dannyello]

Many” girls” have disappeared from the chat. Not longer can change the name and sex. I'm sorry for them;was interesting how as they try to be girls. :'( :-*

[Dannyello]

I got this message : ” I made a great discovery : I can have sex in all languages ; enjoy for me! ”  Here's a happy man.  Blessed are the poor in spirit ,for them is the kingdom of heaven .

[FoxyRoxxy]

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ….. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . .. That's a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said .. .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

And finally:
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

[FoxyRoxxy]

Know people don't try this at in real live  karma will come  get you.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting?

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a f****** break?”

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a sh*thead.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with
the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired……. It's important at my age……

[FoxyRoxxy]

A man comes home from work, to find his wife working out with a pair of dumbbells, and an assorted array of training equipment strategically placed around the living room.
“What’s all this?”
He asks.
“Well dear, I read an article in my magazine, which said it would help me achieve a better body.”
“And how much did it cost?”
She replies.
“$1300 .”
“$1300 !”
he wails,
“I work my nuts off to earn that sort of money. What do you want with all this equipment at that price for anyway?”
“Well.”
She replies.
“It says in the article, that if I use the dumbbells and weight training equipment enough, it’ll make my boobs bigger.”
“BOOBS bigger! You don’t need any weight training equipment to make your boobs bigger. You just need a couple of pieces of toilet paper.”
“How will that work?”
asks his wife.
“You get the toilet paper and rub it between your boobs, and they’ll get bigger.”
“Will it work?”
enquires his wife.
“Of course it’ll work.
Look what it’s done for your arse

[FoxyRoxxy]

Kinky vs Perverted

Kinky is when you use a feather.

Perverted is when you use the entire bird.

Kinky is when, in the moment of ecstasy, you call her Wilma and she calls you Fred.

Perverted is when, in the moment of ecstasy, you yell out Yabba-Dabba Dooooo and she barks like Dino

Kinky is when she handcuffs you.

Perverted is when she calls in her dog.

That is so wrong! LOL
Where is the delete button?

[FoxyRoxxy]

[James__]

When Roleplay goes wrong

Doing my bit to help save the environment by recycling old jokes 

Him: “Id like you to be a real authentic, naughty schoolgirl tonight”
Her: “Mmm sure sounds hot darling.
Him: “Whats that?”
Her: “It's a  letter from my parents saying I don't have to join in”

Him: “Roleplay tonight?”
Her: “Mmm yes please, Fireman to the rescue I think.”
Him:  Spends 2 days stuck up a tree dressed as a cat.

Her: “My husband & I love to roleplay”
Her: “Oh really? What do you get upto?”
Her: “Well I pretend to play dead & he pretends to enjoy it”

Her: “Honey tonight I'm dressing up as a sexy builder”
Him: “A sexy builder? Ok – sounds kinda kinky, what should I dress up as?”
Her: “Cement”
Him: “Cement?”
Her: “It takes ages to get hard after being laid. Seemed appropriate”

Him: “I've got 5 different flavoured condoms for tonight darling”
Her: “Oh baby, sounds fun. Why not blindfold me & I can guess the flavour”
Him: “I like your thinking, sure thing”
Her: “Camembert?”
Him: “I've not put it on yet !”

[FoxyRoxxy]

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, “Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?”

The desert man replies, “Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small.

[Author]

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