Soapbox: Do’s and Don’ts on finding playmates.

[Janine Dee]

After quite literally wasting time on the AChat server I realized I could either bemoan the lack of grace and style of the women who were propositioning me, or I could post something here and hope that between my views and the resulting posts maybe the quality of playmates might go up.

Just remember this is all opinion, but useful because when it comes to the subtleties of arousing another human being it’s ALL opinion.

-When someone asks you a question give a real answer.
Now this certainly doesn’t mean that you should be handing out your address or social security number if someone asks you what kinds of play you like this is where you SHOULD be looking for things in common or not. If you do find things in common you can have that ready as soon as you enter the room, and if you don’t then you can save the both of you frustration and disappointment when it comes up in the room, and it will, it always does.

-It takes more to get someone in the mood then waiting five minutes and asking “How about now?”
If they aren’t amorous at the moment, but still talking, you may still be able to get them in the mood, but if you aren’t willing to put in the effort then leave them be. Hanging around and simply asking if they’ve changed their minds not only doesn’t put them in the mood, but typically takes them so far out of the mood they end up on the forums making a big bitching post about it… okay maybe I’m projecting a bit. ;D

-Take stock of the image you are projecting.
I’m running into this with the “Girls are free guys pay A$.” messages on the profile. To be blunt that image of you fresh from banging some guy to pay your subscription free causes more of a flesh crawling sensation rather then leaving me all tingly. The crotch slaps, and simple nudists follow fairly close behind however because I like the women I’m with to be able to dress themselves. :-

Yeah, this is mainly a bitching post, but I’m hoping it can open a dialogue on common concerns.

[AZNLoverV]

Perhaps you should write a training manual? 

[Carli]

Amen to that Janine!

A little addition of mine:
– If you're interested in someone, don't just say hi, but also ask a question once in a while. It's a frustration of mine that I try to get a conversation going by asking some questions and all I get back is some 1-3 word answers. It makes me think someone is not interested in me at all, only in getting into a room with me.

[Lover]

If you call it Do's and Don'ts on finding playmates I think the first do is missing:

– Think about what you want to find. Are you homo or not? What kind of game do you want? What do you prefer in having sex? Are you just interested in having sex or dou you want to talk and to find new people/friends? If you know what you want take a look at the profiles of you candidates. Don't waste your time to persuade people if they don't agree with your wishes. And always remember: Everyone has the right to have his own wishes and preferences.

[sinnnn]

I do believe I said bitch away babes. You go sweety.

Anyway think, please think before you text someone.  Starting off your greeting with insults is not a way to a positive ending, for you.  Treat ppl how you want to be treated, unless your kink is getting insulted an abused, talk to the person first to see if thats what they are into also.  Just don't assume that everyone likes what you like.  Communication makes the world move smoothly.  Respect makes the world smile.  Kindness an understanding, an a sense of humor gets you friends. 

[Janine Dee]

While I agree with you Lover, I also like to keep some flexibility. While I am big on things like adding to the avatars actions with descriptive text that is really my hard and fast requirement. Otherwise I am very open to what she's looking for. Like today I logged on a second time and the sever was looking MUCH better with me finding another roleplayer and starting a lovely chat.

As I was talking with Miss RP  and coming up with fantasy ideas, a girlfriend logged on and REALLY liked how I was dressed so she was mauling me (much to my delight) while I was asking Miss RP is she would like a threesome, and my fantasies started working in a third person.

She however was running short of time so I and my GF went to a room, and pounced on each other, and it was transcendent. The RP fantasy washed away by a tide of passion as we made love.

So one SHOULD know what they are looking for, but to paraphrase the “hard” and “soft” limits of BDSM they should have the things they NEED and the things they would like.

Sinnnn however brings up a good common sense point… there is another person on the side of the keys, and even if you do get off on insults and degradation it's not the kind of thing you would surprise someone with. While things can, do, and should happen in the heat of passion it's better to start with communication before you start fanning those flames.

[apollo13nut]

This is a really good post. Thanks for starting it Janine Dee.

I would like to add a few things to this. The conversation shouldn't end once in the room. I sometimes chat with people and then once in the room, it becomes a clicking fest (and that is a topic I should start, but anyway). Does anyone else have the problem where the other person changes positions as fast as they load (I have nick-named these people “clickers”).

Also, I agree with knowing what you want. I have been cold invited to rooms by girls that a profile that says “homo” (and no, I am not kidding or making it up). And then when going through the online partner list, I have seen girls that say “hetero” on the profile, but have a message across the avatar saying “girls only, NO BOYS”….it gets annoying and frustrating.

Anyway, it's always interesting to read a topic started by either Janine Dee or sinnnn….you go girls!

[sinnnn]

Oh I had that issue with guys that say “homo”.  Suprised the hell out of me.  I had to keep asking them if they understand that I am a woman an if they made a mistake in putting homo as their orientation.  Forgive me if I offend but I always thought the female body was really repulsive to the pure “male homo” population.  To me if you can go in a room with a woman then your not homo, but thats a whole other debate and I sooo don't want to go into that. 
I have never had the clicking fest pb, when it come to sex.  I have lucked out with my lovers an friends, thank G.  But you are right about the conversation should not end.  I have been in rooms with ppl an we just played around with the foreplay buttons an made crazy comments with each.  Going in the room doesn't always have to be about sex.  You can joke around with the positions an foreplay like you would if you was in person.  I like to play an laugh sometimes before we get down to really playing.

[Janine Dee]

I haven't had Apollo's problem with “clickers” but I would have those as soon as I would be typing “Hello” the 69 would be flashing.

It was crap like that which taught me to know what I was looking for and stat screening before ever entering a room.

As far as the “homo” guys… *I* have had problems with them hailing me… though I usually don't respond because they make my head hurt trying to decide what I should explain first. That female homos don't have sex with men or male homos don't have sex with women.

Of course they apparently disagree.

On the conversation front… absolutely it should continue… though the after conversations have sometimes had me giggling as they've gotten fairly deep… while the avatars keep grinding away… 

[Lover]

I know the clickers, too. In the past I had them several times, not too often, good luck. They are terrible. No talking, just clicking every few seconds.

I have been invited by homo boys and homo girls. Some girls, who call themselves homo, just do this to stop men talking to them. They want to decide to which man they speak.
This also might be a reason, some men invite other homo girls. They read homo and think…ah, another girl who just says she is…

Another point I talk before is the time we have together. I use to take time, including talking, foreplay, afterplay… so if you have just 10, 25 or 20 minutes I am not the right one.

[Janine Dee]

Hummm… I must admit I never thought of it that way. For me homo equaled homosexual.  Silly me  . Still, that makes a great deal more sense then people who don't know what homo means.

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