Unexplained friend / lover cancels and ignores

[West69]

Cancellation etiquette?

Out of curiosity do any of you follow any self-imposed etiquette when you cancel a “friend”, or “lover”? I don’t mean the obvious, i.e when someone has done something rude or uncaring and they clearly have damaged the relationship. No, I mean out the blue with no warning.

For example, I occasionally get the message, “X partner has cancelled your friendship”. Usually it is from someone I haven’t heard from for a while, and I have no idea why they cancelled. The problem is that they have sent no message ahead of time so I don’t know if it’s something I said or did. My response is to always message back and say something like, “I am disappointed you cancelled our friendship. Was it something I said, or other circumstances”.

Most of the time the person is surprised that I even wrote back to ask. Here are the last two explanations:

1. “I was just going through and deleting a lot of people to clean up my list.”
2. “I have taken a new lover, and he demanded that I get rid of all my friends”.

On the first one i just shook my head in amusement. On the second I wrote back expressing hope that my former friend would not be hurt eventually by anyone so controlling.

I am sharing the above because I am interested if other people get “cancelled” without any preceding explanatory or courtesy message. In you do, how do you handle it, and am I stupid to even try to politely respond?

[Rukya]

i had some canceling me like this and i never anwser if its a name i dont remember . Recently one of my spouses have canceled , and when i asked her why , she anwsered that she wasnt responsible

;D

[Brandybee]

Yeah, at some point I guess we all get cancelled or need to clear house. Sometimes I get an explanation, sometimes I dont. Guess I am as guilty as most, sometimes I give an explanation, sometimes I dont – depending how long its been since we chatted, how deep our friendship is, and how many I clear out. I’m not offended by it as I presume they have moved on and I guess I presume they know this too if I cancel- guess it depends on your definition of friend.
If the relationship is resumed then – the friendship option is always there again.
I have quite a few friends in the main frame anyway – that are not in any of my lists.
It is very nice of you to respond though, but I think you may be in the minority. Dont take it personal – its just folks keeping their lists current.
There’s loads more friends to make too 🙂

[Pafe]

Hiya's…

  I have yet to cancel anyone.  Maybe at some point I will, and if I ever do, I think I would send a message with an explaination first.  I have been cancelled out of other's without a word of why, and when I was really new at this I thought that maybe it was because of something I had done, and it bothered me.  So I asked for an explaination.  Got one saying that it was because his friends list was too full and that I was always busy or not on at the same times.  Then I thought.  “Geezo beezo… some friend.  Guess I am unworthy to remain with the others, thanks for doing me a favor.”

  So please, if you ever decide to cancel me out of your friends list because I am deemed unworthy to be there just let me know.  It's the right thing to do.

Thanks for letting me share,
Pafe

[hentaiboy69]

I have it recently, probably cause we don't had meet for to much long time, probably cause we have different time, it can happend. I don't had ask why, al last she wasn't someone so important

[Adera]

Don't think I've cancelled anyone myself yet, I have been cancelled though, but I haven't bothered asking them since I guess they have their reasons. There's quite a difference in views of what a friend is in AChat, for me it's simple a friend while for many others a friend is so much more, someone you can expect a lot from and such.

[West69]

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and your reactions to them. All the points expressed make sense to me intellectually, although emotionally, I probably fall closer to Pafe’s sentiments.

Adera raised the interesting point about how each person defines “friend” differently. I won’t try to list all the attributes of what “friend” means to me. However, I do expect “friends” to be courteous, which includes giving me some advanced warning out of courtesy, before they kick me to the curb……even in a fantasy game.

;)……..but then again, perhaps that’s just me. : 🙂

[Lover]

Usually I don't see any reason to cancel a friendship. Up to now I just had 2 reasons: If the girl became a whore and demanded money or if she didn't answer my welcomes again and again.
I also don't ask, if someone cancelled the relationship. He/she might have had a reason. I also would ask, if it would happen after some nice meetings and I would really be surprised.

West, when I made the “experineces” to be cancelled as friend/lover, I also felt strange. In RL, I am very careful with the word “friend”. I have lots of  acquaintances (right term?) but just few real friends. So yes, when a “friend” cancels relationship without having a heavy brawl before, you don't feel comfortable. We just have to know, friendship here is not the same as friendship in RL – it can happen, but usually you don't be as close.

[chien_lubrik]

Hello dear peoples.

I may humbly see just two reasons for canceling a friendship myself.

First is to erase a mistake, I experiment “Cold”friendship, and … maybe because I act too quick or too stupid …
  I may and accept instead of decline the “cold” request. So I may delete this … false … relation.

Second may be to flee a relation that became different than the relation that, at fist, initiate the friendship relation.
  I guess … well … after warm, tender and interesting contacts some just transform into Predators with harsh … rude habbits.
  This make me unconfortable not because of the rudes way, but because it is an … I don't know the word, like “treason”, but less dramatical … Sorry.
  of the link we hade made.

Anyway … “Friendship” relation type is not,for me,  like true “friendship”. It is just a way to stay in touch easely with peoples whith whom I experiment a nice shared moment.So, maybe, later, may I delete relations with peoples I, didn't met or exchange talkings with for long…
But I am not, actually old user enough to have “too many friends” to handle with …

Anyway, Is cancelling one, I may tell him or her, why did I.
Because it is also an another opportunity to re invent the friendship link, that may be harder this time…

This is only my point of view …

I Thank those who hade read me.
My best humbly Regards

[West69]

Hello dear peoples.

I may humbly see just two reasons for canceling a friendship myself.

First is to erase a mistake, I experiment “Cold”friendship, and … maybe because I act too quick or too stupid …
I may and accept instead of decline the “cold” request. So I may delete this … false … relation.

Second may be to flee a relation that became different than the relation that, at fist, initiate the friendship relation.
I guess … well … after warm, tender and interesting contacts some just transform into Predators with harsh … rude habbits.
This make me unconfortable not because of the rudes way, but because it is an … I don’t know the word, like “treason”, but less dramatical … Sorry.
of the link we hade made.

Anyway … “Friendship” relation type is not,for me, like true “friendship”. It is just a way to stay in touch easely with peoples whith whom I experiment a nice shared moment.So, maybe, later, may I delete relations with peoples I, didn’t met or exchange talkings with for long…
But I am not, actually old user enough to have “too many friends” to handle with …

Anyway, Is cancelling one, I may tell him or her, why did I.
Because it is also an another opportunity to re invent the friendship link, that may be harder this time…

This is only my point of view …

I Thank those who hade read me.
My best humbly Regards

With great respect I offer the word you may be looking for as “betrayal” as a substitute for “treason”. I would also offer you some encouragement and praise that your command of English is 100% better than my ability would be to speak in your language.

Thank you for sharing your opinions. They are valued. 🙂

[hentaiboy69]

Evelyne, every experience and every opinion are allways wellcome.

as i said you before in another thread, how long you are here isn't important, it's all on what you can give to the forum and achat, thanks to your personal experience and your idea (those last are allways wellcome!).

personally, here i don't had deleted someone from friend, lover or spouse, only one but cause i hit accept friendship on the request for an error: someone who never talk whit me, who i never meet before, a “cold” friendship request.

[chien_lubrik]

With great respect I offer the word you may be looking for as “betrayal” as a substitute for “treason”.

Ooooh My !!! I am so stupid !!! … sorry, that is exactly the word I seeked for … “Betrayal” … Thank you very much Sir !!!

Mister Hentaïboy 69, In fact I meant by “I am not, actually old user enough to have “too many friends” to handle with …” only that I had actually accepted very few peoples as Friends … So I will not manage to delete relation for overbooked adress book … sorry I made you misunderstood my words …
I think with time to go I will accept more and more friends, so one day … maybe it will happen to me to have to … clean … my adress book.

I understood very well that you pay no importance for how long we are here … But still Mister … I can't consider myself equal to those you are really deeply involved into the forum's life, as I am a newby, as I think my opinion is … welcomed yes … but not as important as yours or other's people's voice. I know you don't agree that … But still … Sorry.

I really hope that some of my ideas will feed the forum so it may grow.
But mostly I hope we may, all together, fuel each others our ideas, and discussions for the better benefits of our favorite Dreamworld… For so … And even my brick on the wall is tiny, I may enjoy participate this forum a lot.

I thank you having reading me .
Please accept my best humbly regards.

[hentaiboy69]

I understood very well that you pay no importance for how long we are here … But still Mister … I can't consider myself equal to those you are really deeply involved into the forum's life, as I am a newby, as I think my opinion is … welcomed yes … but not as important as yours or other's people's voice. I know you don't agree that … But still … Sorry.

oh, i see you know me really well and i think i can talk for all the “elder” users: some newby pop out whit some interessing idea and some wonderfull solution to some problem we talk for long time! look at Fate…..she join here in the forum recently (before you, anyway, Evelyne) but she had found a really appreciated solution for the chat! and i'll hope more come from “young child” as you! never be afraid to share your opinion and your idea, they are wellcome even if not all of us can like them!

never forget who you are and what you want!

[Lover]

@ HB: I agree

@ Evelyn:

I can’t consider myself equal to those you are really deeply involved into the forum’s life, as I am a newby, as I think my opinion is … welcomed yes … but not as important as yours or other’s people’s voice. I know you don’t agree that … But still … Sorry.

Yo’re right, we don’t agree. You do not have experience here in forum, but that’s not important. The only thing that counts is to have an opinion, ideas and the wish to improve the game. If there is a poll, your voice is as worth as every other one.
If you have any suggestions, questions, wishes, dream to share… you have the same rights as every other one.

And now… back to topic 😀

[chien_lubrik]

… Hello …

Well … I may be very happy if any of my idea will improve the Forum and the Dreamworld.
I will may discuss about my ideas this way.

To be back in the topic, I humbly agree that deleting relationship may be done with some concerns for the other one.
I mean, even if for any reason I decide to delete a relationship , I may do it with explainations .

Please accept my best humbly regards.

[Author]

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