Unexplained friend / lover cancels and ignores

[West69]

I'm not sure about posting on this, but here goes…

I have quite a few friends. I never went mad desperately friending anyone. I still make new friends and I hope everyone does.
I have made some friends on the same day I have first spoken to them, others only after meeting several times.
I have never deleted a friend and every time I log on I check them all out to see if they are on-line. If they are I message them, if they aren't and we haven't spoken for a long time, I message them to ask how they are and hope we see each other soon.
I have been deleted from 2 people's friend's lists, one was a good friend who is likely to read this and we both underestand how that came about. the other was someone who is now on my ignore list as he was trying to possess me 100% of the time, but he deleted me, not the other way around.
I too get many “cold” friend requests, but delete them all. I couldn't accept as a friend someone I didn't know even a little in much the same way as I don't respond to cold “room requests” except that sometrimes I will talk to them and tell them not to “cold” people.
I would be deeply hurt if someone deleted me from their friend list and would (did) message them immediately to ask why.

I have not been on the forum for some time due to vacation, etc. Therefore, let me thank everyone who has responded to my question. Your different styles and skills have helped me “fine-tune” a balance of resolve and diplomacy for what is a difficult issue for me. Hopefully. I can now be more constructive in my response without abandoning my core values. My personal approach remains close to the feelings described by Blue Denim.  

[sm3369]

I'm not sure about posting on this, but here goes…

I have quite a few friends. I never went mad desperately friending anyone. I still make new friends and I hope everyone does.
I have made some friends on the same day I have first spoken to them, others only after meeting several times.
I have never deleted a friend and every time I log on I check them all out to see if they are on-line. If they are I message them, if they aren't and we haven't spoken for a long time, I message them to ask how they are and hope we see each other soon.
I have been deleted from 2 people's friend's lists, one was a good friend who is likely to read this and we both underestand how that came about. the other was someone who is now on my ignore list as he was trying to possess me 100% of the time, but he deleted me, not the other way around.
I too get many “cold” friend requests, but delete them all. I couldn't accept as a friend someone I didn't know even a little in much the same way as I don't respond to cold “room requests” except that sometrimes I will talk to them and tell them not to “cold” people.
I would be deeply hurt if someone deleted me from their friend list and would (did) message them immediately to ask why.

Blue, If it's me you're talking about as far as cancelling you, which I'm sure it is, I'm still deeply sorry about that, & I probably will be for a very long time. Like I've told you when we spoke, that was driven by something & someone else. I'd never ever ever want to hurt you in any way. I want to be the one that you turn to when you need someone  . I just want to reach out right now & give you a huge hug sweety  .

[bluedenim]

Stephanie,

It wasn't!

Now you've made me want to cry too, Stephanie, you're too sweet!

I would love a big HUG!

xx

[Lover]

No one has to cry… share a big hug… and smile…

Again AChat has made two people bit more happy…. I hope.

[sm3369]

Think Twice Before Hitting “Cancel” Button On Relationships

Hello, for those of you here who know me here, hugs & kisses, & it’s great to be back after some time of not posting anything other than replies to other people’s topics. For those who don’t know me, my name’s Stephanie, in the game, I’m sm3369.

😛 The thing I want to address this morning is cancelling relationships in the game. We’ve al done it, we’ve all had it done to us at some point. :'( The reasons for it vary from each individual instance. As I mentioned, I’m no angel with this myself. Let’s face it, for some out here, this becomes more than just a game. It really becomes live, love, relationships, regardless if you are in relationships in real life, you begin to actually care about & love those you become close with out here.

🙂 I know for me this is true. But one thing that’s also possible here just like in real are the bad times, the fights, the jealousy, etc. The list goes on & on, but you get my point I think.

;D

This has hit close to home for me earlier in the week. Part of my problem here is that I get very emotional. :'( Sometimes, that’s a bad thing. Alot of times, my problem is that I care too much. Too often I’ve gotten carried away with the cancel button, and I’ve ruined several relationships in the process of it. :'( This hit me pretty hard at the beginning of the week. I canceled someone whom I love very much, without explaining why. I ASSUMED that since we hadn’t spoken for some time, that she found someone that made her happy, & that she was content & didn’t want to keep in contact anymore. Long story short, my actions upset her a great deal, & she blocked me. After I had time to collect my thoughts, I found myself regretting my course of action, but now, I had no way of contacting her, as she was blocking me. This didn’t make for a very good day in my real life.

🙁 The only way I was able to get her attention was to put up all sorts of apology messages on my wall, & having a mutual friend friend talk to her & ask her to hear what I had to say. Yesterday, we mended fences over this misunderstanding.

🙂 Often, there are no second chances when it comes to cancelled relationships. :'( Feelings get hurt, emotions get carried away, irreversible damage is done. My point is that we all might just want to think twice before we simply hit that cancel button. I know what has happened to me over the last day or so has gotten me to think this way. I care about people, & I care how I treat them.

🙂 I am by far not perfect myself & I haven’t the right to judge anyone, just as I don’t like being judged. Only one who judges me is that guy up above the cloudy skies.

;D My advice to all is that if you are having any problems here with a friend, lover, or spouse, please try to talk to them, & work it out before you make the same mistake I did. Talking helps more. You will find that you get further by talking.

🙂

Lastly, I’d like to give a shoutout to all my friends, lovers, & my two wonderful spouses, whether you read the forum or not. I love you all.

<3 You people mean a great deal to me, & I’m glad to have met each & every one of you. You are all such wonderful people. I feel blessed to have met every single one of you, especially those in my immediate “family”. (You know who you are!!!

;D ;D ;D).

Anyhow, I leave you all with this. Just my thoughts. Something to think about next time the situaion may arise. Think of me & my words.

🙂 🙂

Kisses & Love to all of you,

Stephanie

[Lover]

Steph, it's nice to see you posting again

The relationship tool here is so easy – and so complicated. Some take it as a tool – just to find people they like. Some take it more serious and differ hard between friend, lover & spouse. There is no right or wrong, everyone has to find his own way.

When we cancel a relationship we should not forget, even we only see an ava, behind is a real person with real feelings. Some will understand (or be glad), some will be hurted and sad. I just can suggest, if somebody thinks about cancelling one person, think twice. Don't do it in a moment you are angry. Calm down first and decide one or two days later.

My advice to all is that if you are having any problems here with a friend, lover, or spouse, please try to talk to them, & work it out before you make the same mistake I did. Talking helps more. You will find that you get further by talking

That's the best advice ever. Talking is the only way to overcome all possible problems. Talking and listening. Understanding the own feelings and the other ones too. It may happen that you recognize, it doesn't make sense to be friends any longer, but you don't have to hate or feel upset. People are different and it's good.
Just sometimes it doesn't make sense to talk any longer…( you know what I mean). Then we have to act. But even then we know, we have tried everything to bring it to a good end.

If there is just one relationship your post may be good for, it's great. Though I'm sure reading this is helping many members.

[Lydiarose]

very well put Stephanie

[Marilyn]

That's a wise advice, Steph.
Thank you for posting; Very helpful.
Just like you, I'm a very emotive person when I get close to someone and I tent to give my full attention to that person and care too much when that happens, so I fully understand what you felt.

[sm3369]

That's a wise advice, Steph.
Thank you for posting; Very helpful.
Just like you, I'm a very emotive person when I get close to someone and I tent to give my full attention to that person and care too much when that happens, so I fully understand what you felt.

Thanks for your kind support Marilyn.  I was beginning to think that I am the only cooky (coo-kee) one out here who feels like this  .

By the way, I just love your cool banner  . Who designed that for you?

Kisses, Stephanie

[jay9]

Hi everyone

I couldn't help but notice this topic, as this has happened to me twice in the last week or so.

Now I must admit, I am a little different to most approaches, in that if someone wants to add me as a friend or even lover, i usually don't mind and would rather accept than upset them by saying no (assuming we have met and chatted of course ) So as a result i end up having quite a long list of friends and lovers …. even though this is not representative of their true status from a relationship perspective. I've also subscribed to the theory that those that are most important to you are the ones you usually look for first when you come online, and are the ones that make you keep coming back in the hope that you bump into them. And as a result I know who they are, and don't need to rely on an achat status to signify that. (The problem with this, is that of course the status may be important to the other person without me knowing – something i've just considered after reading this thread)

But despite this, when you receive a cancellation without any message, etc (as i have done recently) it does make you think …. was it something i did, or maybe did not do? As I don't put a lot of stock in the status – then I guess this doesn't upset me as much as some, but I did find I was questioning myself over it. So I think polite etiquette should be to just drop the person a short msg at the same time just to give some context, like “sorry, just cleaning out my lists to make a fresh start”, or “I am now spoused and they are uncomfortable with me having Lovers”, etc. Otherwise i guess it's very easy to be interpreted the wrong way, or too much read into it – as was the case with your experience Stephanie.

So I think by sharing your experience Stephanie, it's a usual lesson for everyone.

Thanks

[Lover]

We had the talk about cancelling before https://funnyadultgamesplay.com/forum/index.php/topic,1607.0.html

I add it because I think this and the other topic are important and helpful for everyone.

[shejoy]

i think there is a big difference in cancelling .
i understand what you mean Steph , and with people who you get a good relationship with it is indeed very wise to think more then twice before you hit that cancel button.
But at the other hand , i have sometimes people in my friends list who i met once and then for weeks don't here about , and it is easier to hit that cancel button in those cases .

greetings , shejoy

[Kingdustin]

I have to agree with SM3369, it is one of the reason why i try to only add those I believe i can have a connection with. I hate to cancel those on my list even if we had not spoken in long time or only spoken once. I would leave a message first to see whats up before coming to any conclusion. 

[happyface]

Oh Stephanie
My heart gos out to you sweetie. I know how you feel. I am to one who get very emotionally attached. Do to my life circumstances I don't get out much so most not if all my friends are here in Achat.  I do  leave a message be hide when i do cancel. sometime my llist get to long and it start feeling chaotic. so i cancel those i don't speak to for a long time. but I do try to leave message be hide.

I had a similar experience  not to long ago. someone i know and trusted got drunk and used my avatar to play a prank on one of my dearest lovers.  he canceled on me and ignored me it was a big shock to find when i log in the next day. it took a bit but i was able to sort things out and thing are back to normal.

all way find the truth before hit that button.

If your ever in need I'm always here for you Steph kiss <img src="/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title=" 
you are a treasured friend who as touched my heart. kiss

[sm3369]

i think there is a big difference in cancelling .
i understand what you mean Steph , and with people who you get a good relationship with it is indeed very wise to think more then twice before you hit that cancel button.
But at the other hand , i have sometimes people in my friends list who i met once and then for weeks don't here about , and it is easier to hit that cancel button in those cases .

greetings , shejoy

Well thank you for your kind follow-up Shejoy  , Also let me welcome you here to the forum. I can respect your point of view also. My post was more an example of someone with a spouse or a lover whom you have gotten close with. We all know very well what may happen when we get a little emotional at times  . I'm as guilty of it as the next person. I've gotten emotional & cancelled a few good relationships in my time, & have come to regret it. So now, I try to be more calm & cool before I just hit that cancel button. In my experience with life in general, I've come to find that cooler heads prevail. 

Kisses

[Author]

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