PLEASE HEAR WHAT I’M NOT SAYING”
by Cardinal Deardon
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask; I wear a thousand masks,
And none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but
Don’t be fooled, please don’t be fooled.
I give the impression that I’m secure,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game, that
The water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need
No one.
But don’t believe me. Please don’t.
My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me, in confusion, in fear, in
Aloneness.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and I fear being
Exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant, sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation.
And I know it.
That is, if that glance is followed by acceptance, if
It’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself.
From my own self-built prison walls, from the
Barriers that I so painstakenly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t
Assure myself, that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this.
I don’t dare. I’m afraid to
