10 guidelines to get Susan's attention (or not), not necessarily in this order.
1) Don't talk dirty. At least not right away. I don't respond to crudities (apart from the edible kind), well, not until at least one orifice has been penetrated (yours or mine, it doesn't matter).
2) Introduce yourself. You're who from where? I don't care how fake it is (well, not too obvious, I don't think Brad Pitt plays Achat). I might look dipsy but I have travelled and I might know that McDonalds on the corner of 9th and Maine.
3) Say something flattering. e.g. “Oh, I like your hair”; “I love how you do your makeup” (oh shit, I've now given away my pickup lines). There is nothing better to get my conceited attention.
5) Don't mention your dick size. First of all, I know you're lying. Secondly, I know you're lying. Third, mine will always be smaller and it hurts my feelings.
6) You're not my boyfriend/girlfriend, yet. I detest “darling”, “babe”, etc. and any reference to pleasuring parts of my anatomy. I get the idea of the game and, for me, sex with strangers can be better than with friends.
So saying “Hey toots, you have a nice pair of cannons on you..wanna f*ck? I have a 9 inch penis btw.” is a no no? Well, the explains a lot of replies.
Also, with regards to rule 2 and fake pics…I was starting to grow suspicious after seeing Selena Gomez, Katie Perry, and Miley Cyrus occupy achat. I just figured they had a lot of time on their hands (pun intended).
