I’m also careful not to buy my own hype Adera
;). All modesty aside I’m good, very good, a natural even, but once I started that natural part of me was also ready to remind my ego that when I have another persons safety in my hands I can NOT take that lightly.
Where I am going is that I have a GREAT responsibility because I’m not the one that’s been tied up, but that submissive has to communicate their wants and needs before, during and after. In many cases like during they can communicate by not communicating and I know I’m not truly hurting them, but it could be as simple as a muscle cramping after being bound. Unless I’m looking closely at the muscle in question I’m not going to realize it unless the submissive lets me know.
An example that didn’t happen to me was a gay male Dominant with a new submissive. They were having a WONDERFUL session until the Dominant said “Take it like a man.” The submissive had an abusive father, and their father said the exact same thing, and the submissive started panicking and needed to stop.
The Dominant stopped and immediately moved to aftercare.
What’s perfect about that example is both parties fulfilled all their responsibilities and still managed to have a session go bad because they managed to hit an old poorly healed mental wound. The submissive didn’t realize he could still be effected by that past event, and the Dominant didn’t know there was a key phrase like that.
I once heard a submissive say it beautifully when he said that sometimes they don’t realize a line got crossed until after a session ends entirely, but he also said that he considered it his responsibility to communicate the full event to his Mistress, and to know that she would never seek to truly harm him.
So for Tight, the agreement is vital, but as much in spirit as it is in letter.
In BDSM there are hard limits and soft limits. Sharing one of mine I would say a soft limit as a Domme would be breaking the skin… it just feels like starting down a bad path. However I watched another Domme whip a submissive as well as use a disposable scalpel to cut her (disposable for sanitary reasons, opened for the session and discarded after) and afterward the Domme honored me by letting me look at the injuries and it was like reading BDSM sheet music to tell light cuts versus the more scraped lines from the whipping.
Breath play however is a hard limit, because the epidermis heals much better then a brain deprived of oxygen ever will. In my mind breath play could mean PERMANENTLY damaging a submissive, BUT I had a sub who tried to press me on the issue, and she was so sure, and so trusting and so eager, I faltered, not for long, but I did, and then I stopped it myself.
As I see it it’s not so much a matter of knowing each others roles, but knowing ones own, and finding another as strong and secure in theirs.
Still the boy to girl ratio as well as the interest level seems promising.