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[Janine Dee]

Absolutely, but the question has been raised before, and the consensus that was reached then was that no one wanted the level of identity verification that assuring everyone was their respective genders would entail.

If anything it would damage the game as people want a certain degree of anonymity when it comes to cybersex.

The other key point being that real women can be annoying/crude/aggressive/etc too, and in the end it's going to be about the individual, good or bad.

[Janine Dee]

Oh Caramel, if you actually managed to shock us here… we'd probably have to come up with some sort of award.

That said, for obvious reasons, glory holes wouldn't really be my thing.

[Janine Dee]

A. Some people do it in order to filter out annoyances of certain genders. Like women who selected “homo” in order to filter out overly persistent men.

B. It HAS no actual impact on rooming. I’m gay and could room with a man (though I’d probably be distracted by the head injury I suffered

:P), and straight women are quite welcome to room with me (and I mean that ladies I truly do :-* 😉 ;D :P).

C. Sexual Orientation is far more then three choices in real life. The best scale I know of is 1-10 (1=completely het, 10 completely gay) so there are women who may be a 7-8 on that scale who PREFER sex with women, but occasionally enjoy sex with men. So what would she have to choose?

D. It’s not that easy for those who are still finding where they fall on the scale. Especially when they find themselves with desires that they may have been raised to see as wrong. It could very well be that the woman in question doesn’t WANT to enjoy it, but still does, and is in conflict.

E. Try to remember that this is a game, and while it’s a real person on the other end it’s not a person you are going to see or know. (Yeah there could be an exception, but it’s a very outside chance sort of thing.)

F. Straight or Bi she’s willing to have sex with you. So is this such a huge problem? I mean if you are okay with her having sex with other men then you shouldn’t have much of a problem with her having sex with other women. If you aren’t okay with her having sex with other men then it’s more than a matter of orientation.

G. If it’s upsetting you this much you may want to follow Caramel’s advice and simply step back from them. My advice would be calling them out on it is almost certainly NOT going to have any positive impact.

[Janine Dee]

Absolutely Bear. Girlsex can be hard, and fast fucking just as much as MF. It's more to stereotype that men do that Wham, Baam Thank You Ma'am while women are all soft, sweet and gentle, both CAN be true, but aren't always.

[Janine Dee]

I felt that training was becoming it's own topic so I did a… really very long post… on it in my dungeon in the Erotic Fantasies thread.

[Janine Dee]

On training…

In the “Owning” thread on the “Say” board the conversation has veered a bit onto Dominants setting rules and giving commands for their submissives, and while I was tempted to post this there I thought that I would rather have it here for easy reference while not pulling the thread further off topic.

Before talking about training though I feel the need to clarify levels of play (please note this is LEVELS of play, not TYPES). They aren't set in stone, but rather where people tend to fall.

The first is Light Play. This is when a couple may decide to bring in a blindfold, fuzzy cuffs, or those heart shaped paddles. They are using the items, and one has to be using them on the other, but the roles of Dominant and submissive are either not expressed at all, or are expressed with giggles.

Then would come Play. In this one is the Dominant, and the other is the submissive, the roles are understood, but once the session is over they are set aside (SOME training may happen, but it's light). This is where a great many fall, and they cover a great deal of the spectrum. I knew a pair 100% in the lifestyle who were both switches, so they would change roles as the session suited them.

Then you move Past Play. THIS is where training comes into place. This is where people have made the conscious, adult decision to want a order and structure that Dominance and submission allows, and they want it 24/7.

Many would object to that notion, but that's often a great deal of why people may want it. What I would call a proper submissive CAN make their own decisions, but desires not to. While what I would call a proper Dominant doesn't want to simply control another as much as they want to provide direction and guidance.

That direction and guidance is where training comes into play. Let's ALL remember that this happens with the full and informed consent of both parties.

But now here are more of the nuts and bolts of training as I know it.

Now training can include both sexual as well as non-sexual duties. Say a submissive who is taught how to make Master's coffee just the way he likes it, make it at a certain time, and then bring it to him with the paper at a certain time. After which she gives him a blow job while he reads his paper and enjoys his coffee.

Another example I heard was of the submissive who would come over to his Mistresses house and clean it top to bottom before a play session.

I heard the first story from a submissive who was smiling as she said it, because she didn't have to worry or wonder what the one she loved wanted. She wasn't just told, she was taught what to do to make him happy, and adored doing so.

It's a level of communication that most couples would be terrified of because women would be terrified they were being seen as weak while mean would fear they were acting like ogres, but by just TALKING they found what made them both terribly happy.

The second story I learned from the woman who taught me and the kicker to it is the SUBMISSIVE is the one who asked to do the cleaning. HE loved looking at Mistresses now pristine house, knowing he did good, having her telling him just how well he did, and then rewarding him with a play session.

Those demonstrate one of the bigger keys to training. It should be modeled to the one being trained. In the owning thread I mentioned my hip high boots and their effect while Bear mentions black silk lounge pants having a similar effect for his mindset. So while they are both articles of clothing they are notably different between the two of us.

Whatever form they take though I personally split them into two categories, General and Specific.

General training is the type that I would use with a new submissive who I am teaching how to serve. The easiest example would be her collar. Many Dominants will keep a submissive wearing a collar all the time in private, and pick a necklace with an appearance that the submissive can fix on. (Sinnnn provided an example with me at the end of the Theater thread on this board.)

Even if the submissive is not kept collared 24/7 the putting on and taking off can also be a VERY powerful trigger with either the submissive bringing it to their Dominant and holding still while it's being put on. (Symbolically giving their free will to their Dominant, and then letting the Dominant take it.)  To having the collar start out in the Dominant's hand, and say having the submissive kneel before the Dominant as it's put on. (Showing their acceptance that the Dominant has control over them.)

The reason they are called “General” is because they can be carried from partner to partner. There may be changes like the type of necklace a submissive wears out of doors as a collar, but their need of that constant reminder of their Dominant's presence is a constant itself.

“Specific” is just that, like the certain necklace a submissive might wear for a certain Dominant. Or that earlier morning coffee ritual I spoke of. The “General” ones are where training can come into effect with “Play” but “Specific” is where D/s relationships form.

A more specific example would be those beautiful black boots of mine. I've had submissives happen to see them while I'm getting ready for a night out, and confess just the sight of them got them wet because the visual image would trigger their memories of our play times together.

On the other hand if they are sitting next to my bed, and the submissive knows I'm in the shower she KNOWS we will be playing, and by the time I'm out of the shower the darlings have often been literally quivering. Without me having said a single word, touched them in any way, or even been seen directly by them since I decided I wanted to play.

(And yes, the setting the boots by the bed, and then taking a shower is a personal ritual/self-training.)

I will close this VERY long post by repeating that this all comes with informed, adult, consent. This is done by those who have chosen it, and who desire it.

[Janine Dee]

Well now I've heard the guys tend to be wham bang, but many of the guys here seem to be exception to the rule and want to be able to take it slow.

So speeds would perhaps be better handled by some sort of control over how fast the avatars carry out the selected actions.

The one thing I've been trying to keep in mind is that we who seem to want to savor the experience are WELL outnumbered by those who want to watch the avatars grind.

That is if what I find when talking to girls in the list is any indication.

[Janine Dee]

Of course, if I buy sexy lingerie for my girl she should not just wear it for other boys – as she should not have sex with other boys.

That's if YOU buy sexy lingerie for YOUR girl. There are plenty of relationships where they are allowed multiple partners… like those examples I quoted in the rest of the post, I meant those as real world examples.

[Janine Dee]

There are positions where it is not out of place. “Sex Gymnastics” has both oral and toy, and that's just wonderful. My point would be that you can see how it would play in quite easily. Scissoring is all about rubbing the pussies together, the very idea makes penetration fairly problematic unless they implement the double header.

So while there does seem to be a  strong desire for toyless positions another part of the problem (for me at least) is that toys are tossed in with little to no thought.

Still VERY pissed about the Strap on 69…

[Janine Dee]

People in a relationship have the right to establish bounds on said relationship. A heterosexual man dating a bisexual woman may be fine with her sleeping with other women, but would be absolutely devastated if she slept with another man.

Or a swinging couple may let their partner sleep with whomever they wish as long as they are there, or even just told in advance, but would again be devastated if a condition was broken.

By that same line of thought someone who buys a gift for a lover who doesn't want it used it with anyone but them… I mean in a real relationship if a man bought his woman some lingerie he might only want her to wear it when they are together.

Is that so unreasonable?

On the D/s scale it can be a significant part of training. Some may play certain music in the background, or burn a certain incense, OR wear certain outfits.

It creates a trigger that says “Play Time”.

People may remember in a recent clothing thread I mentioned my hip high, black leather lace ups, and even just talking about them had me mentally going Domme (I don't know where it is, but it could even be seen in my tone.) I said right in the thread that those boots took me AWAY from a submissive mindset.

By the same token putting a play collar on a submissive can have their minds going there in a snap.

And it's not just in D/s, for many women putting on sexy lingerie versus day to day cotton undies can have a definite impact on their arousal.

Really D/s is often just about openly addressing those dark little dynamics that every has and everyone uses, but no one talks about.

[Janine Dee]

LOLOLOLOL Mini-Kilts.

[Janine Dee]

:-[  I had a feeling it was something like that Bear, but I also figured it I didn't ask you wouldn't know I was confused.

And yeah, as long as it involves consenting adults there are far more important things in the world to worry about.

[Janine Dee]

Sadly honey that's just Achat. I think i detailed some of my earlier drama encounters in the Owning thread, but the sad sort of truth is that you haven't fully delved into the potential of the program until you've had it used against you.

I'm still sorry it happened, but I have to think any reasonable person will know you were not the bad guy here.

When you add to it the class you are showing in the aftermath you've done wonderfully, and shown yourself the kind of person we need on AChat.

[Janine Dee]

Agreed, the “Kiss” in this 69 position was one of my favorite improvised forms of cuddling before foreplay was implemented, but a slower, sweeter cuddle would be wonderful.

[Janine Dee]

Bear… I'm not sure what you are trying to say about a Dom outfitting their subs, but it could be a simple fact that if he wanted them to wear something they did not have then he took it upon himself to provide it. If that is the case then I would call that warranted. It's like if you wanted a lover to wear a specific costume/outfit anywhere else that they didn't have, you could at least provide it for them rather then expect them to get it.

But the honest truth is that unless Ramrod or one of the women he engaged in the practice with are the ones speaking then it's hearsay.

Carmel… the relationship between you and Ramrod is for you and Ramrod to define, and no one else. If there is confusion it would be good to clarify it, but that's good in any relationship D/s or otherwise.

On a broader level (and Bear used this term, but I'm not calling on him specifically by using it) “social norms” or the very word “normal” is more just everyone agreeing to hide anything that may fall outside that agreed upon mask.

Heck, cybersex falls at least on the edge if not past the edge of “normal” for most people, and every last one of us is guilty of that.

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