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[jayc]

A sweet kiss for my spouse

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MY LOVE 

Always
Jayc

[jayc]

Great Idea Hukk,  will check it out

[jayc]

Total medal count as of Sunday  12:OO PM  Midwest USA time

1 Norway 6

2 Netherlands  4

3 USA 3
   
4 Canada 3

5 Austria  2

   
AND  A  BRONZE  FOR  GB    YAYYYYYYYYYYYY        

[jayc]

The Pie fight over, with no clear winner, Brandy has the dwarfs over see the bar clean up. I am teamed up with Stone and Ole Joe who has already put on a clean pressed white shirt and looks no worse for wear.

“well that little stunt escalated quickly.” Joe says With a sly grin and tosses Stone and I  clean bar tee shirts.

I nod  “yeah it sure did, sorry about your cigar” I say with sarcastic sincerity.

as we clean Joe and I verbally spar, a daily battle of wit and good natured ball breaking.

“Hey Joe I looked up cigar in the dictionary, it said a breath freshener for men who eat shit for lunch.” 

Stone rings the bar bell  “Point Jayc”  she says with a giggle, “Yeah Joe you flush those, you dont fish them out of the loo to smoke.  she adds to my insult.

“Oh yeah? I have a question for your two, whats the difference between this bar and a nursery school?”  he pauses then says “Nursery schools have adult leadership.”

The bell rings again then it hits me,  I forgot to play our exit music for our stooge revue. I hit play on the bar sound system.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5zCO1AF4sg

As the Curly shuffle plays the clean up  crews  begin to dance to the 40s swing style tempo as they clean.  In no time at all the bar begins to look like it old self. On a clean table in front I open a box of bar Tee shirts for the patrons and place an empty box along side with a sign.

GRAB A SHIRT AND PUT YOUR FLAN ENCRUSTED CLOTHES  IN HERE FOR CLEANING AT THE ACHAT LAUNDRY AND DRY CLEANING SHOP.

And in small print

on Covems tab of course.

[jayc]

“A picture says a thousand words”

the above pic is just an example

the idea is we pick a photo and the writers must use it as their theme.

how we pick a photo  is up for discuusion

[jayc]

Ole Joe's  bar bunker has the upper hand, once again I have under estimated the dwarfs having kept most of the flans for themselves. Ammo running low its time to make alliances with some of the warring factions.

Zoerinks departure is the lull I was waiting for. With Stone's cover fire I run, slip and slide belly first to Hukk's  make shift bunker.  Joe spotting my dash orders the dwarfs to bombard the area. I yell over the din of battle.

“Hukk! If we continue fighting with flans this will drag out for hours and cost many lives, it time for the nuke option” I  scream.

Hukk looks at me puzzled but urges me to continue.

Spotting a compact mirror on the floor I grab it as Hukk hands me a pie spatula, using flan goo I fashion an observation tool. I scan Joe's strong hold and the surrounding area.

Bringing down the mirror I draw a map with flan goo.

“Alright Hukk, our only hope is the pudding hose,but we have to act fast, no doubt the enemy is thinking the same thing”

Hukk nods

handing Hukk two full seltzer bottles, “ Stone will lay down covering fire but you have to make it to that hose, our lives depend on it.”

shaking my hand Hukk says  “If I don't make it  write my family.”

and with that Hukk charges out under a hail of flans.

“Gods speed Hukk  gods speed”  I whisper 

[jayc]

My arms folded I watch my fellow stooges woo the crowd of lovely ladies. Larry finishes to the roar of the crowd and returns to Curly and I.  Curly's comments deserve another slap, but its my turn to show the boys how its done.

The music changes to Adam Ant “goody two shoes”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27Tj-Xo_eqI

I show off my fancy Foot work, my Moe wig almost flying off my head  as I really ham it up as I slowly strip off my vest. Hopping off the stage I shimmy up to the two ladies who started all of this and bend over. With my encouragement Brandy grabs the tear-away flap and in an instant my shorts are gone and I’m  wearing nothing but a skimpy red “banana hammock” with a firecracker drawn on the front. A laughing Stone puts a dollar in my waistband and I sit on her lap for a photo.

I rise to my feet and work my way through the crowd of women who are all hands. Its all I can do to keep my thong on. I glance up at lover who winks and nods.

MEANWHILE IN THE BAR KITCHEN

Grumpy Watches the delivery truck pull up, the driver approaches the Dwarf.

“Did you order 50 pies from the Achat bakery?” the man asks

“Why yes I did, and please charge it to Mr Covems account.”  Grumpy says nonchalantly

The dwarfs unpack the pies and load up the carts and move out to the bar and load up the prefilled Seltzer bottles.

The crowd hardly notices the dwarfs as they place pies and seltzer bottles on the tables and bar. Happy brings 3 pies and seltzer bottles up on stage just as I climb back up. The music dies down.

Curly “Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Refreshments!” as he points to the pies.

Moe   “ Mind your manners you chow hounds and wash those hands! You have no idea where they have been!”

Following Lovers subtle hand signals, we have a good idea were our initial and secondary targets our seated, and we strategically  take our places for the grand finale to our little show.

Curly fiddling around with a seltzer bottle sprays me in the face. I respond with the patented “Moe gut/top of the head/chin punch” Larry carrying a pie gets caught up in the scuffle and fumbles the pie upwards into my face………………”Moe it was an accident”

Wiping the lemon meringue from my face I smile and grab a pie “oh yeah? I fling the coconut cream  pie at a ducking Larry and hit Curly square on the side of the head.

An enraged Curly growling at me grabs a pie. The throw is perfect, missing me on purpose and hits Ole Joe on the chest and chin and breaks his cigar.

The bar falls silent……..Ole Joe grabs a bar towel and wipes the goo off his shirt when he hears a chuckle for the tables……….its Brandy,

Ole Joe begins to chuckle too then quickly picks up a chunk of the smashed pie and hurls it with the accuracy of rifle and nails his employer right on the forehead with a loud splat.

Stone sitting right next to Brandy busts out laughing and is hit with a well flung ball of coconut cream thrown by yours truly. And to add insult to injury Brandy sprays her with a seltzer bottle, hitting near by tables who retaliate in kind.

Handing my partners cold beers, our work done we watch the pie fight grow and gain momentum.    😮

           

[jayc]

The stage lights dim then suddenly “leave your hat on” is abruptly taken off and a scratchy three blind mice begins to blare from the sound system. Three figures can be seen stumbling out on to the stage.

As the song fades out the lights come on and on stage its the three stooges dressed like Chippendale dancers ! Jayc with a perfect “bowl cut” wig is Moe, tango doing a dead on impression is Curly and Lover is Larry.

Running into each other Moe yells “spread out!”

Hello (Moe, low tone), Hellooo (Larry, a major third higher, with Moe still holding his 'o'), Hellooooo (Curly, a major fifth higher than Moe, forming a major chord with Moe and Larry)!”   

Curly notices all the lovely ladies in the crowd  and wanders away to flirt with the women. An Angry Moe grabs Curly's G sting as it stretches longer and longer, Moe lets go and with a loud snap the elastic material cracks Curly in the ass!

Curly lunges toward Moe Barking loudly “Rrrowf! Rrrowf!”

Moe “You imbecile!”

Larry “Leave him alone!”

Moe slaps Larry  “Oh, a wise guy, eh?”

Moe  “okay look you knuckleheads we have to do a striptease, so lets dance and  dangle our dongs for these Dames delight

Larry “Hey, where's your dignity?

Moe poking Larry in the eyes  “You will dangle or I will mangle”

Curly   “My father died dancing; on the end of a rope”

the music begins and the boys begin there erotic dance  stooge style

[jayc]

I make a bedroom bet with my spouse and went and watched the game with family and come home to this?   so under the table ladies  

i will honor my bet, but grow eyes in the back of your heads , Stone and Brandy……………i see payback in your future 

mumbling as i go through my closet looking for those tear away pants   

[jayc]

Paid, i pick Sweden 

[jayc]

I amble on to the stage with a cold bottle of bud and pull up a stool

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjwqojL24-I

“I got a little history song for ya. Ya ready? You're gonna love this one”

This is a story you need to hear

You can hear it when you re drinking your fifteenth beer

Its a woeful tale of intrigue and romance

Its a story of how the Wild west grew

And I swear every word is partly true

This ones about me and the hole that was in my pants

Everybody laughed when I walked to and fro
Just why they were laughing I never did know
till one day I passed a mirror just by chance

I seen my reflection in the looking glass
And to my great surprise just below my ass
Was a big ole ripped out gaping hole in my pants

Now if I had had a pair to spare
Im sure I might of found something different to wear
But I happened to have just returned from a trip to France

And I packed pretty light so there was nothing more
I could do that day then to try to ignore
The fact that I had a big ole hole in my pants

For a while things seemed to be going fine
Till some joker made cracks and folks got in line
And the other joker was joined by a pack of sicko fans

They hooted and hollered and pointed and poked
And it wasnt too long till I was sick of their jokes
Their jokes on account of the hole in my pants

Well I was pretty steamed and I put up my dukes
I was ready to take on all of them kooks
When out the corner my eye this girl gave me a glance

To say she looked good barley hits the truth
Coulda made a Lincoln lover out of john Wilkes booth
And best of all she had a hole in her pants

You wanna hear more?
Well then show me your drawers. No not you.

Well this girl and me got together you see
And everyone around could tell that we
Were tighter than Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance

Folks she was my queen and I was her king
And far from it being a negative thing
It was mighty useful to have holes in our pants

You know what I mean? Yeah I thought you did

Well first then one, then two, then four, then eight
Then everyone had holes in their pants it was great
Shoulda seen it man the whole town started to dance

Now you probably figured out if you concentrated
That thats how the wild west got populated
And it all began with a hole in my pants

Im just about finished and I mean right now sir
With a song about the big hole in my big trousers
Pants and holes and I feel like im in a trance

The moral of the story the moral of the song
Is maybe wed all just get along
A HOOOLLLLEEE lot better If we all had holes in our pants

Your got dirty minds

the song over i take a bow  and toast the crowd.

[jayc]

should be a good game, i'm rooting for the Broncos ……………….just for their Quarterback Peyton Manning. the league thought his carreer was over when he was traded to the Broncos last year

[jayc]

John Lee Hooker and  Bonnie Raitt

“I'm in the mood”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTMAi1bL8Dg

[jayc]

Nice turn out  time for a shower then some reading before bed 

[jayc]

Status Quo

Lazy Poker Blues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTHfSGJR14M

[Author]

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